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HIRED ASSASSIN LEAGUE |
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| BULLETIN #127 -- MAY 2026 |
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| Card 1: Held in Pisa (Attendance: 848) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers bested Stink Boy in 11 at 6:00 (Superplex) by 92.
EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle defeated VIRUS: "Under Contract" BJ Penn at 23:15 (Fly Trap) by 7.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers over Dandy Davis in 2 at 4:05 (Count Out).
EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux bested COT: Mammoth Machine at 27:23 (Atomic Leg Drop) by 3.
COT: Mammoth Machine defeated IMT/67: Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th at 27:43 (Mammoth Thumb to the Eye) by 2.
Main event: COT: Mammoth Machine overpowered IMT/67: The New Normal at 43:00 (Mammoth Thumb to the Eye) by 1. |
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| Card 2: Held in New Orleans (Attendance: 293) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers bested Stink Man in 10 at 3:29 (Headbutt) by 103.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane won over VIRUS: "Under Contract" Max Holloway at 12:33 (RV is Toast) by 23.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers beat Outlaw Ben Slick in 6 at 4:46 (Mounted Punches) by 110.
Northeast title: SOS: The Zombie Court Jester destroyed IMT/67: Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th at 28:16 (Boston Crab) by 3.
COT: Mammoth Machine over VIRUS: Hammer in 12 at 8:23 (Disqualification: pushed ref).
Main event: COT: Mammoth Machine over VIRUS: "Under Contract" Max Holloway in 11 at 8:52 (Count Out). |
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| Card 3: Held in Avila (Attendance: 781) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers annihilated Bob in 6 at 2:21 (Mounted Punches) by 85.
Central Plains title: IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones defeated VIRUS: "Under Contract" Max Holloway at 6:22 (#1 A-1 Chinese Wok) by 28.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers drew SOS: The Zombie Knight at 6:06 (Double Count Out).
SOS: The Zombie Knight annihilated COT: Mammoth Machine at 28:13 (Boston Crab) by 1.
TV title: SOS: The Zombie Prince overpowered COT: Mammoth Machine at 27:09 (Boston Crab) by 5.
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Knight bested COT: Mammoth Machine at 33:25 (Boston Crab) by 1. |
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| Card 4: Held in Garden City (Attendance: 610) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers pinned Wally Brick in 6 at 2:38 (Mounted Punches) by 95.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre decked VIRUS: "Under Contract" Max Holloway at 10:14 (Boston Crab) by 25.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers overpowered Professor Wrassle in 6 at 5:39 (Mounted Punches) by 99.
SOS: The Zombie King decked VIRUS: "Under Contract" Anderson Silva at 28:10 (Boston Crab) by 2.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay bested VIRUS: Hammer at 9:48 (Pimp Slap) by 23.
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Knight destroyed IMT/67: We Are In This Together at 59:45 (Boston Crab) by 5. |
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| Card 5: Held in Phoenix (Attendance: 944) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers beat The Fishy Fisherman in 6 at 7:08 (Mounted Punches) by 66.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay defeated SOS: The Zombie Princess at 27:31 (Pimp Slap) by 2.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers over Henry O. in 2 at 2:44 (Count Out).
SOS: The Zombie King overpowered COT: Mammoth Machine at 27:07 (Boston Crab) by 3.
EDGE: 976-EVIL overpowered IMT/67: We Are In This Together at 29:16 (Evil Calls) by 2.
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Knight pinned VIRUS: "Under Contract" BJ Penn at 42:55 (Boston Crab) by 6. |
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| Card 6: Held in Rosemont (Attendance: 784) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers defeated Bruce Vanquish at 4:28 (The Preppy Killer) by 112.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers outmuscled Peter Lawler in 6 at 4:16 (Mounted Punches) by 104.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers overpowered COT: Mammoth Machine at 29:06 (The Preppy Killer) by 1.
COT: Mammoth Machine overpowered SOS: The Zombie Queen at 27:52 (Mammoth Thumb to the Eye) by 1.
IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones* and Flatten the Curve beat "Clever" Cliff Cleaver* and Fred Brown in 12 at 0:55 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 125.
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Knight overpowered IMT/67: Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th at 37:06 (Boston Crab) by 3. |
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| Card 7: Held in Warsaw (Attendance: 844) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers overpowered Neil B. Formee in 11 at 1:47 (Superplex) by 130.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers bested Jimmy Roth in 6 at 3:47 (Mounted Punches) by 64.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson overpowered SOS: The Zombie Queen at 29:25 (Atomic Leg Drop) by 2.
IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones pinned COT: Mammoth Machine at 29:22 (#1 A-1 Chinese Wok) by 4.
IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones* and Flatten the Curve annihilated VIRUS: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson* and "Under Contract" Anderson Silva at 20:45 (#1 A-1 Chinese Wok) by 10.
Main event: VIRUS: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson tied SOS: The Zombie Knight at 9:19 (Double Disqualification). |
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| Card 8: Held in Washington, D.C. (Attendance: 476) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers beat "Burnout Boy" Bobby Baker in 9 at 2:34 (Crescent Kick) by 144.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers pinned Steve Shields in 6 at 1:13 (Mounted Punches) by 126.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson pinned COT: Mammoth Machine at 27:28 (Atomic Leg Drop) by 1.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre bested COT: Mammoth Machine at 28:47 (Boston Crab) by 1.
IMT/67: We Are In This Together*, The New Normal, and Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th pinned Drake, "Burnout Boy" Bobby Baker*, and Steve Shields in 9 at 6:00 (Cross-Armbar) by 97.
Main event: SOS: The Zombie Knight annihilated COT: Super Ghost Machine at 56:27 (Boston Crab) by 2. |
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| Card 9: Held in Cologne (Attendance: 652) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers overpowered The Greater Cheese Grater at 3:08 (The Preppy Killer) by 118.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers outmuscled Phil Dukes in 6 at 4:12 (Mounted Punches) by 81.
Pacific Northwest title: IMT/67: Flatten the Curve beat VIRUS: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson at 27:23 (Recommended Mandatory Jab) by 4.
Great Lakes title: VIRUS: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre destroyed IMT/67: We Are In This Together at 29:25 (Boston Crab) by 5.
IMT/67: We Are In This Together, The New Normal, and Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th* annihilated COT: Shadow Machine, Jurassic Machine, and Mammoth Machine* at 22:48 (12th Booster) by 7.
Main event: EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux outmuscled SOS: The Zombie Knight at 28:15 (Atomic Leg Drop) by 2. |
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| Card 10: Held in Huntsville (Attendance: 269) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers beat "Clever" Cliff Cleaver at 1:32 (The Preppy Killer) by 150.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers overpowered Mike Taylor in 6 at 1:24 (Mounted Punches) by 125.
COT: Super Ghost Machine outmuscled Fred Brown in 6 at 0:37 (Hammerlock) by 139.
Rocky Mountains title: COT: Mammoth Machine annihilated COT: Super Ghost Machine at 28:35 (Mammoth Thumb to the Eye) by 1.
Main event: EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay overpowered EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 27:21 (Pimp Slap) by 2. |
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| Card 11: Held in San Diego (Attendance: 924) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers pinned Kevin "The Cardshark" Kings in 8 at 1:24 (Hammerlock) by 103.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers beat Fred Brown in 6 at 0:56 (Mounted Punches) by 141.
COT: Mammoth Machine overpowered Fred Brown in 6 at 0:18 (Hammerlock) by 139 (non-title).
SOS: The Zombie Prince beat COT: Super Ghost Machine at 16:04 (Boston Crab) by 6 (non-title).
Main event: EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay outmuscled SOS: The Zombie King at 58:22 (Pimp Slap) by 2. |
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| Card 12: Held in Bombay (Attendance: 921) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers destroyed Frank's Friend Kyle in 6 at 4:28 (Mounted Punches) by 67.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers bested Duffy Wolfe in 6 at 3:14 (Mounted Punches) by 107.
COT: Super Ghost Machine outmuscled Duffy Wolfe in 6 at 4:17 (Hammerlock) by 105.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay destroyed COT: Mammoth Machine at 27:54 (Pimp Slap) by 5 (non-title).
Main event: EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay destroyed SOS: The Zombie Queen at 25:30 (Pimp Slap) by 6. |
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| Card 13: Held in Augusta (Attendance: 489) |
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EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers bested Al the Hacksaw in 7 at 6:15 (Shoulder Breaker) by 97.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers over Curt Gold in 1 at 7:27 (Disqualification: refused to break choke).
COT: Super Ghost Machine over Tim McCormick in 1 at 7:40 (Count Out).
EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle beat COT: Mammoth Machine at 29:29 (Fly Trap) by 2.
Main event: EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay decked EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 46:14 (Pimp Slap) by 6. |
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| Card 14: Held in Bangkok (Attendance: 549) |
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IMT/67: The New Normal bested Evil Evan in 11 at 1:40 (Superplex) by 109 (non-title).
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers over Charlie Ford in 2 at 5:55 (Disqualification: hidden spike).
COT: Super Ghost Machine won over Outlaw Ben Slick in 6 at 4:29 (Hammerlock) by 108.
COT: Mammoth Machine destroyed EDGE: 976-EVIL at 27:43 (Mammoth Thumb to the Eye) by 2.
Main event: EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay bested EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 40:46 (Pimp Slap) by 4. |
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| Card 15: Held in Fort Wayne (Attendance: 412) |
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Mid-Atlantic title: SOS: The Zombie Princess defeated VIRUS: "Under Contract" BJ Penn at 24:21 (Boston Crab) by 8.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers annihilated Dr. Blank in 6 at 2:09 (Mounted Punches) by 96.
COT: Mammoth Machine pinned EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 28:41 (Mammoth Thumb to the Eye) by 1.
COT: Mammoth Machine overpowered IMT/67: We Are In This Together at 27:39 (Mammoth Thumb to the Eye) by 4.
Main event: EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay annihilated IMT/67: Ching Chong Jones at 44:20 (Pimp Slap) by 1. |
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| Card 16: Held in Gulfport (Attendance: 344) |
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COT: Mammoth Machine won over VIRUS: "Under Contract" BJ Penn at 27:45 (Mammoth Thumb to the Eye) by 5 (cage).
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers annihilated Tim McCormick in 6 at 2:11 (Mounted Punches) by 101.
EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux decked SOS: The Zombie Court Jester at 29:55 (Atomic Leg Drop) by 2.
IMT/67: Flatten the Curve won over COT: Mammoth Machine at 27:28 (Recommended Mandatory Jab) by 5.
Main event: IMT/67: Flatten the Curve drew EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay (Time Limit). |
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| Battle Royal: Held in Columbus (Attendance: 364) |
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EDGE: 976-EVIL made $1,000 in imaginary money after EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle tossed him out.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane was awarded $1,100 after he got thrown over the top rope by VIRUS: Hammer.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers won $1,200 after EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle tossed him out.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre took home $1,300 when VIRUS: Hammer hurled him outside the ring.
EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle snatched $1,400 after being thrown out by EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux.
EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux was given $1,500 when he was hurled over the top rope by VIRUS: Hammer.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay snatched $1,600 after VIRUS: "Under Contract" Max Holloway flipped him out.
VIRUS: Hammer gained $1,700 when he got flipped through the ropes by VIRUS: "Under Contract" Max Holloway.
VIRUS: "Under Contract" Max Holloway won the HAL battle royal and the $30,000 prize. |
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