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HIRED ASSASSIN LEAGUE |
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| BULLETIN #111 -- JUNE 2025 |
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| Card 1: Held in Oslo (Attendance: 998) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay decked Stink Boy in 9 at 1:32 (Back Elbow Smash) by 87.
SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly won over EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 29:19 (Bear Hug) by 3 (non-title).
SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly defeated COT: Order Machine at 27:08 (Bear Hug) by 2 (non-title).
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay overpowered Dr. Blank in 6 at 2:33 (Mounted Punches) by 90.
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly drew IMT/47: Flatten the Curve (Time Limit). |
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| Card 2: Held in Bahrain (Attendance: 691) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay pinned Stink Man in 10 at 1:22 (Headbutt) by 107.
SOS/SIENAMART: Deathmatch Danielle from HR annihilated SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly at 28:12 (Shatter with Reesemart Light Tube) by 3.
SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly beat EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay at 28:41 (Bear Hug) by 2.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay bested Tim McCormick in 6 at 1:31 (Mounted Punches) by 88.
Main event: EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane drew IMT/47: Flatten the Curve at 9:55 (Double Disqualification). |
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| Card 3: Held in Milan (Attendance: 267) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay destroyed Bob in 6 at 3:42 (Mounted Punches) by 77.
SOS/SIENAMART: "Reese's Brother" Ronald Rutledge defeated SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly at 29:08 (Hit with Reesemart Chair) by 4.
SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly overpowered EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle at 27:05 (Bear Hug) by 2.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay beat Dandy Davis in 6 at 3:52 (Mounted Punches) by 72.
Main event: IMT/47: Flatten the Curve bested EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle at 45:35 (Recommended Mandatory Jab) by 2. |
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| Card 4: Held in Columbus (Attendance: 944) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay beat Wally Brick in 6 at 6:58 (Mounted Punches) by 88.
East Coast title: SOS/SIENAMART: "Reese's Brother" Ronald Rutledge destroyed EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle at 21:03 (Hit with Reesemart Chair) by 6.
EDGE: 976-EVIL defeated SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly at 27:49 (Evil Calls) by 1.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay annihilated Outlaw Ben Slick in 6 at 3:42 (Mounted Punches) by 89.
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar annihilated IMT/47: Flatten the Curve at 44:57 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 6. |
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| Card 5: Held in Oshkosh (Attendance: 617) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay won over Randy Whitfield in 6 at 2:41 (Mounted Punches) by 97.
SOS/SIENAMART: Man in Burreeseto Costume decked SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly at 27:14 (Smash with Reesemart Dinnerware) by 2.
IMT/47: The New Normal beat SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly at 27:41 (Diversity Submission) by 1.
Central Plains title: IMT/47: The New Normal outmuscled EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 28:41 (Diversity Submission) by 1.
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar pinned SOS/SIENAMART: Siena Martin at 52:18 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 1. |
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| Card 6: Held in Bari (Attendance: 880) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay overpowered The Fishy Fisherman in 8 at 5:58 (Cross-Armbar) by 90.
SOS/SIENAMART: Siena Martin destroyed SOS/SIENAMART: Man in Burreeseto Costume at 29:03 (Smash with Reesemart Microphone) by 3.
SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly outmuscled COT: Chaos Machine at 29:51 (Bear Hug) by 2.
Pacific Northwest title: IMT/47: We Are In This Together defeated COT: Shadow Machine at 29:05 (Mandatory Volunteer Jab) by 1.
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar pinned EDGE: 976-EVIL at 53:57 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 5. |
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| Card 7: Held in Harvey (Attendance: 612) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay bested Drake in 9 at 2:58 (Back Elbow Smash) by 113.
SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar annihilated SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly at 16:54 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 6 (non-title).
SOS/SIENAMART: Siena Martin overpowered EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay at 20:43 (Smash with Reesemart Microphone) by 7 (Guest Referee: Max "Two Punch" Powers).
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay beat Professor Wrassle in 6 at 3:29 (Mounted Punches) by 112.
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar overpowered COT: Shadow Machine at 39:42 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 3. |
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| Card 8: Held in Tampa (Attendance: 321) |
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IMT/47: Flatten the Curve over Drake in 1 at 4:03 (Count Out) (non-title).
SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar defeated EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 17:40 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 11.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay annihilated Peter Lawler in 6 at 4:54 (Mounted Punches) by 104.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay won over Henry O. in 6 at 3:48 (Mounted Punches) by 107.
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar decked IMT/47: Ching Chong Jones at 36:36 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 8. |
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| Card 9: Held in St. Louis (Attendance: 251) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay overpowered Bruce Vanquish at 4:04 (Pimp Slap) by 95.
TV title: SOS/SIENAMART: Siena Martin defeated SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly at 29:36 (Smash with Reesemart Microphone) by 5.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay over Jimmy Roth in 3 at 3:50 (Disqualification: pushed ref).
Southwest title: IMT/47: Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th defeated COT: Order Machine at 16:33 (Unburdened By What Has Pinned) by 6.
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar decked EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 30:47 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 9. |
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| Card 10: Held in Arlington (Attendance: 653) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay overpowered Neil B. Formee in 11 at 0:51 (Superplex) by 134.
SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly bested Fred Brown in 6 at 0:25 (Palm Strike) by 129 (non-title).
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay bested Steve Shields in 6 at 0:18 (Mounted Punches) by 127.
COT: Order Machine and Chaos Machine* overpowered IMT/47: Ching Chong Jones* and Flatten the Curve at 29:12 (Spike Piledriver) by 5.
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar outmuscled COT: Order Machine at 34:13 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 8. |
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| Card 11: Held in Lansing (Attendance: 466) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay overpowered "Burnout Boy" Bobby Baker in 9 at 2:53 (Back Elbow Smash) by 134.
SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly tied EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 4:49 (Double Count Out).
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay overpowered Phil Dukes in 6 at 3:02 (Mounted Punches) by 76.
League Six-man titles: IMT/47: We Are In This Together, The New Normal, and Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th* pinned COT: Shadow Machine, Jurassic Machine*, and Mammoth Machine at 28:31 (Unburdened By What Has Pinned) by 3.
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar decked SOS/SIENAMART: Deathmatch Danielle from HR at 38:10 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 3. |
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| Card 12: Held in Austin (Attendance: 679) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay pinned The Greater Cheese Grater at 3:05 (Pimp Slap) by 110.
SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly annihilated EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 28:51 (Bear Hug) by 5.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay over Mike Taylor in 2 at 3:47 (Count Out).
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar beat EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 37:23 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 11. |
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| Card 13: Held in Calgary (Attendance: 360) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay destroyed "Clever" Cliff Cleaver in 12 at 2:35 (Backbreaker) by 101.
COT: Shadow Machine bested SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly at 29:18 (Shadowban) by 3.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay defeated Fred Brown in 6 at 4:55 (Mounted Punches) by 123.
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar bested EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay at 32:29 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 8. |
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| Card 14: Held in Salem (Attendance: 562) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay beat Kevin "The Cardshark" Kings in 8 at 2:30 (Cross-Armbar) by 111.
Rocky Mountains title: SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly defeated IMT/47: Ching Chong Jones at 28:14 (Bear Hug) by 2.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay outmuscled Duffy Wolfe in 6 at 4:15 (Mounted Punches) by 104.
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar won over SOS/SIENAMART: Man in Burreeseto Costume at 40:23 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 4. |
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| Card 15: Held in Oneida (Attendance: 263) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay beat Frank's Friend Kyle in 6 at 5:01 (Mounted Punches) by 64.
COT: Jurassic Machine beat SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly at 28:48 (Jurassic Jawbuster) by 3.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay over Curt Gold in 1 at 6:04 (Count Out).
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar outmuscled SOS/SIENAMART: "Reese's Brother" Ronald Rutledge at 56:14 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 2. |
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| Card 16: Held in Gander (Attendance: 880) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay outmuscled Al the Hacksaw at 0:35 (Pimp Slap) by 155.
COT: Mammoth Machine won over SOS/SIENAMART: Store Greeter Frank Friendly at 29:19 (Mammoth Headbutt) by 3.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay defeated Charlie Ford in 6 at 4:39 (Mounted Punches) by 114.
Main event: SOS/SIENAMART: Allah Snackbar, Lord of the Snack Bar defeated COT: Super Ghost Machine at 43:01 (Bonk with Reesemart Skillet) by 3. |
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| Battle Royal: Held in Kincaid (Attendance: 452) |
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COT: Order Machine and COT: Mammoth Machine grabbed $1,000 and $1,100 in imaginary earnings, respectively, after EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay threw them onto the announcer's table.
COT: Super Ghost Machine won $1,200 when COT: Shadow Machine flipped him outside the ring.
EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux got $1,300 when he got hurled outside the ring by EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers earned $1,400 after getting thrown out of the ring by COT: Shadow Machine.
COT: Chaos Machine picked up $1,500 when EDGE: 976-EVIL flung him over the top rope.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay nabbed $1,600 when he was flipped out by COT: Shadow Machine.
EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle was given $1,700 when he got thrown into some chairs at ringside by EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane was given $1,800 when EDGE: 976-EVIL threw him onto the announcer's table.
EDGE: 976-EVIL gained $1,900 when he was flung onto the apron by COT: Jurassic Machine.
COT: Jurassic Machine was given $2,000 when COT: Shadow Machine threw him outside the ring.
COT: Shadow Machine won the HAL battle royal and the $40,000 prize. |
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