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HIRED ASSASSIN LEAGUE

BULLETIN #37 -- WINTER 2021

Card 1: Held in Pensacola (Attendance: 9,348)

IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux over Stink Boy at 3:19 (Count Out).
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules won over Drake at 2:07 (Ankle Lock) by 112.
E$T: Dave Portnoy bested E$T: El Pres at 29:03 (Chest Hair) by 5 (non-title).
IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers beat EDGE: Vex at 28:31 (The Preppy Killer) by 1.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules overpowered Mike Taylor at 2:35 (Back Elbow Smash) by 118.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn annihilated Tim McCormick at 4:08 (Mounted Punches) by 101.
E$T: The Rocket overpowered VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn at 29:30 (Bastan Tea Parte) by 1.
Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy overpowered IMT: 976-EVIL at 56:28 (Chest Hair) by 4 (Guest Referee: AI: "Rastafarian Warrior" Buffalo Soldier).

Card 2: Held in Jackson (Attendance: 5,626)

E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules destroyed Stink Boy at 3:35 (Ankle Lock) by 78.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux over Bruce Vanquish at 12:21 (Count Out).
American Extreme title: IMT: Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th outmuscled E$T: El Pres at 29:54 (Speak To Your Manager) by 3.

IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers pinned VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn at 28:19 (The Preppy Killer) by 3.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn defeated Mike Taylor at 3:59 (Mounted Punches) by 117.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux over Dandy Davis at 2:49 (Count Out).
Great Lakes title: EDGE: Siolence annihilated VIRUS/COH: Ace Anderson at 29:40 (Siolenced) by 4 (Guest Referee: EDGE: Jan Itor).

Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy over IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 4:29 (Count Out).

Card 3: Held in Philadelphia (Attendance: 3,008)

VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn pinned Stink Boy at 6:07 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 76.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux decked Neil B. Formee at 3:04 (Stunner) by 120.
Heroes & Legends title: E$T: El Pres decked VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn at 17:35 (Pres Power) by 9.

VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn bested Mike the Macho Man Edwards at 7:44 (Mounted Punches) by 51.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux defeated Fred Brown at 1:14 (Pumphandle Slam) by 115.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules destroyed Dandy Davis at 2:33 (Back Elbow Smash) by 85.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules outmuscled Professor Wrassle at 1:42 (Back Elbow Smash) by 96.
Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy outmuscled IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 31:42 (Chest Hair) by 11.

Card 4: Held in Staten Island (Attendance: 6,627)

IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux annihilated Stink Man at 4:57 (Stunner) by 81.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules overpowered Neil B. Formee at 6:45 (Back Elbow Smash) by 75.
E$T: Dave Portnoy won over IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 10:08 (Chest Hair) by 11 (non-title).
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn bested Foreman Frank at 1:07 (Hammerlock) by 122.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules bested Fred Brown at 0:30 (Back Elbow Smash) by 138.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn defeated Dandy Davis at 4:54 (Mounted Punches) by 84.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules won over Henry O. at 1:33 (Back Elbow Smash) by 125.
Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy annihilated VIRUS/COH: Ace Anderson at 25:45 (Chest Hair) by 12.

Card 5: Held in Mexicali (Attendance: 4,801)

E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules over Stink Man at 0:30 (Count Out).
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux won over "Burnout Boy" Bobby Baker at 4:26 (Back Elbow Smash) by 120.
E$T: Dave Portnoy over IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 4:07 (Count Out) (non-title).
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux defeated Peter Lawler at 1:00 (Stunner) by 136.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn decked Fred Brown at 0:18 (Mounted Punches) by 137.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux beat Outlaw Ben Slick at 2:37 (Stunner) by 173.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn defeated Max "Two Punch" Powers at 3:01 (Mounted Punches) by 94.
Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy overpowered IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 6:16 (Chest Hair) by 35.

Card 6: Held in Gander (Attendance: 5,296)

IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux defeated Bob at 1:41 (Stunner) by 120.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules decked "Burnout Boy" Bobby Baker at 2:40 (Ankle Lock) by 145.
E$T: Dave Portnoy decked IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 8:53 (Chest Hair) by 35 (non-title).
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules won over Peter Lawler at 3:55 (Back Elbow Smash) by 101.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux defeated Duffy Wolfe at 1:25 (Stunner) by 165.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules defeated Outlaw Ben Slick at 4:44 (Back Elbow Smash) by 102.
IMT: The New Normal bested EDGE: Amanda Donerksloot at 16:12 (Check Your Privilege!) by 11.
Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy defeated IMT: The New Normal at 45:24 (Chest Hair) by 2.

Card 7: Held in Prague (Attendance: 9,660)

E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules pinned Bob at 5:29 (Back Elbow Smash) by 93.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn annihilated "Burnout Boy" Bobby Baker at 2:03 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 143.
E$T: Dave Portnoy annihilated E$T: Marty Mush at 15:47 (Chest Hair) by 6.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn destroyed Peter Lawler at 2:56 (Mounted Punches) by 100.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules destroyed Duffy Wolfe at 2:16 (Back Elbow Smash) by 118.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn annihilated Outlaw Ben Slick at 3:37 (Mounted Punches) by 101.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules decked VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn at 28:39 (Pepperoni and Cheese DDT) by 4 (Guest Referee: EDGE: The Controller).
Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy beat E$T: The Rocket at 25:23 (Chest Hair) by 13.

Card 8: Held in Cincinnati (Attendance: 1,180)

VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn overpowered Bob at 2:50 (Mounted Punches) by 92.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux bested The Greater Cheese Grater at 5:54 (Brainbuster) by 91.
E$T: Dave Portnoy bested E$T: The Rocket at 11:24 (Chest Hair) by 13 (non-title).
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux beat Jimmy Roth at 8:31 (Pumphandle Slam) by 48.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn won over Duffy Wolfe at 3:43 (Mounted Punches) by 117.
Central Plains title: EDGE: The Controller over IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 6:24 (Disqualification: hidden spike).

IMT: Andrew Dice Clay destroyed VIRUS/COH: Ace Anderson at 29:26 (Pimp Slap) by 4 (Guest Referee: IMT: The Garter Kid).
Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy outmuscled IMT: Martin the Fly Brundle at 44:33 (Chest Hair) by 5.

Card 9: Held in Pierre (Attendance: 1,734)

IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux won over Wally Brick at 1:02 (Brainbuster) by 117.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules annihilated The Greater Cheese Grater at 4:05 (Pepperoni and Cheese DDT) by 116.
E$T: Dave Portnoy pinned E$T: Big Cat at 28:33 (Chest Hair) by 1.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules destroyed Jimmy Roth at 2:49 (Back Elbow Smash) by 71.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux beat Curt Gold at 1:54 (Stunner) by 137.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn over IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 6:27 (Disqualification: manager in ring).
IMT: Martin the Fly Brundle bested VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn at 24:48 (Fly Trap) by 9 (non-title).
Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy annihilated VIRUS/COH: Mike Vendetta at 22:16 (Chest Hair) by 7.

Card 10: Held in Chickasaw County (Attendance: 8,720)

E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules over Wally Brick at 2:21 (Count Out).
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux overpowered "Clever" Cliff Cleaver at 3:44 (Brainbuster) by 107.
E$T: Dave Portnoy pinned E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules at 23:30 (Chest Hair) by 10.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn over Jimmy Roth at 3:29 (Count Out).
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules pinned Curt Gold at 3:22 (Back Elbow Smash) by 83.
Mid-Atlantic title: E$T: Big Cat overpowered IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 10:37 (Northwest Nuke) by 34.

VIRUS/COH: Mike Vendetta bested VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn at 22:53 (Brainbuster) by 7.
Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy defeated VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn at 21:26 (Chest Hair) by 14.

Card 11: Held in Pecos (Attendance: 3,497)

IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux bested Randy Whitfield at 1:25 (Brainbuster) by 111.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules overpowered "Clever" Cliff Cleaver at 2:19 (Pepperoni and Cheese DDT) by 132.
E$T: Dave Portnoy bested IMT: Andrew Dice Clay at 23:59 (Chest Hair) by 8.
VIRUS/COH: Mike Vendetta won over Jimmy Roth at 6:05 (Headbutt) by 70.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn over Curt Gold at 1:52 (Disqualification: hit opponent with microphone).
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux won over The Glass Jaw at 2:13 (Stunner) by 145.
E$T: El Pres and IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers* decked The Garbage Man and IMT: The New Normal* at 29:33 (The Preppy Killer) by 5 (Commissioner's Choice, Deadly Duo).
Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy destroyed E$T: El Pres at 48:31 (Chest Hair) by 5.

Card 12: Held in Yonkers (Attendance: 1,715)

E$T: Dave Portnoy decked Martin Dean at 6:15 (Flying Dropkick) by 90 (non-title).
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux pinned Kevin "The Cardshark" Kings at 0:44 (Brainbuster) by 139.
E$T: Dave Portnoy overpowered IMT: Martin the Fly Brundle at 28:39 (Chest Hair) by 5 (non-title).
VIRUS/COH: Roderick Rampage over Jimmy Roth at 6:35 (Disqualification: manager in ring).
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux destroyed Charlie Ford at 2:06 (Pumphandle Slam) by 76.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux destroyed Professor Wrassle at 2:06 (Stunner) by 154.
IMT: Andrew Dice Clay and VIRUS/COH: Ace Anderson* outmuscled EDGE: Perry Cox and AI: "Rastafarian Warrior" Dreadlock* at 6:52 (Mounted Punches) by 32 (Commissioner's Choice, Deadly Duo).
Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy bested E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules at 31:00 (Chest Hair) by 10.

Card 13: Held in Waco (Attendance: 7,356)

IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux bested Martin Dean at 1:59 (Brainbuster) by 129.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules decked Kevin "The Cardshark" Kings at 5:14 (Back Elbow Smash) by 75.
E$T: Dave Portnoy bested IMT: The New Normal at 27:28 (Chest Hair) by 2 (non-title).
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux destroyed Steve Shields at 1:39 (Pumphandle Slam) by 108.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules destroyed Charlie Ford at 5:49 (Back Elbow Smash) by 99.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux decked Henry O. at 3:41 (Pumphandle Slam) by 102.
IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane and E$T: The Rocket* won over IMT: The Masked SC and E$T: Marty Mush* at 15:21 (Wicked Good) by 8 (Commissioner's Choice, Deadly Duo).
Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy outmuscled E$T: Marty Mush at 44:57 (Chest Hair) by 6.

Card 14: Held in Red Hook (Attendance: 1,067)

E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules over Martin Dean at 3:07 (Count Out).
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn over Kevin "The Cardshark" Kings at 13:32 (Count Out).
E$T: Dave Portnoy decked IMT: Flatten the Curve at 28:46 (Chest Hair) by 3.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules beat Steve Shields at 0:28 (Back Elbow Smash) by 131.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn bested Charlie Ford at 3:02 (Mounted Punches) by 98.
EDGE: Hearton Foreyu over IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 6:30 (Count Out).
TV Tag-team titles: IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane and 976-EVIL* overpowered IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux and Andrew Dice Clay* at 19:08 (Evil Calls) by 7.

Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy beat IMT: Andrew Dice Clay at 47:51 (Chest Hair) by 8.

Card 15: Held in Beijing (Attendance: 3,495)

VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn pinned Martin Dean at 3:54 (Mounted Punches) by 83.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux over Frank's Friend Kyle at 4:57 (Count Out).
IMT: Obey Or Get Canceled the 13th pinned E$T: Dave Portnoy at 27:20 (Agree or Die) by 1 (non-title).
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn destroyed Steve Shields at 2:22 (Mounted Punches) by 130.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux beat Dr. Blank at 0:38 (Stunner) by 144.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn bested DOOM: Pharaoh at 4:11 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 49.
League Tag-team titles: VIRUS/COH: Mike Vendetta and Roderick Rampage* bested IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane and 976-EVIL* at 28:59 (Camel Clutch) by 3.

Main event: E$T: Dave Portnoy overpowered IMT: Flatten the Curve at 49:55 (Chest Hair) by 3.

Card 16: Held in Sarasota (Attendance: 2,524)

IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux beat The Fishy Fisherman at 8:32 (Pumphandle Slam) by 36.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules destroyed Frank's Friend Kyle at 6:27 (Back Elbow Smash) by 59.
E$T: Dave Portnoy won over VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn at 17:14 (Chest Hair) by 14 (non-title).
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux beat Phil Dukes at 1:34 (Stunner) by 128.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules annihilated Dr. Blank at 2:51 (Back Elbow Smash) by 94.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn over DOOM: Emperor at 6:33 (Disqualification: used belt to hit opponent).
IMT: 976-EVIL* and VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn over IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux* and F-IT: Puppeteer at 3:53 (Disqualification: used rope to choke) (Commissioner's Choice, Deadly Duo).
Main event: IMT: Obey Or Get Canceled the 13th pinned E$T: Dave Portnoy at 41:10 (Agree or Die) by 1.

Card 17: Held in East Chicago (Attendance: 2,822)

E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules defeated The Fishy Fisherman at 6:06 (Back Elbow Smash) by 59.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn annihilated Frank's Friend Kyle at 3:51 (Turnbuckle Smash) by 86.
E$T: Dave Portnoy annihilated VIRUS/COH: Mike Vendetta at 16:13 (Chest Hair) by 7 (non-title).
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules overpowered Phil Dukes at 4:02 (Back Elbow Smash) by 82.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn decked Dr. Blank at 6:43 (Mounted Punches) by 93.
IMT: The New Normal defeated E$T: Marty Mush at 28:59 (Check Your Privilege!) by 4 (Guest Referee: King of Second Street).
VIRUS/COH: Mike Vendetta and Roderick Rampage* decked IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux and Andrew Dice Clay* at 19:18 (Flying Dropkick) by 9.

Card 18: Held in Hamburg (Attendance: 4,709)

VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn pinned The Fishy Fisherman at 4:27 (Mounted Punches) by 58.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux pinned Al the Hacksaw at 0:27 (Brainbuster) by 132.
E$T: Dave Portnoy decked VIRUS/COH: Roderick Rampage at 23:59 (Chest Hair) by 6.
VIRUS/COH: Duke Sinn annihilated Phil Dukes at 2:32 (Mounted Punches) by 81.
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux bested Tim McCormick at 0:36 (Stunner) by 161.
EDGE: Don Kee Puntch outmuscled E$T: The Rocket at 29:48 (Don Kee's Punch) by 4 (Guest Referee: E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules).
IMT: We Are In This Together, The New Normal, and Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th* overpowered IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers, Bloodsport Frank Dux, and Andrew Dice Clay* at 19:40 (Speak To Your Manager) by 6.

Card 19: Held in Gulfport (Attendance: 8,452)

IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux over Drake at 7:46 (Count Out).
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules defeated Al the Hacksaw at 2:04 (Pepperoni and Cheese DDT) by 157.
E$T: Dave Portnoy defeated VIRUS/COH: Ace Anderson at 18:05 (Chest Hair) by 12 (non-title).
IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux defeated Mike Taylor at 5:35 (Pumphandle Slam) by 95.
E$T: One Bite Everyone Knows the Rules decked Tim McCormick at 2:08 (Back Elbow Smash) by 102.
Pacific Northwest title: IMT: We Are In This Together overpowered E$T: The Rocket at 13:05 (Covid Vacation) by 11.

League Six-man titles: IMT: We Are In This Together, The New Normal, and Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th* defeated IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane, Martin the Fly Brundle, and 976-EVIL* at 28:32 (Speak To Your Manager) by 4 (Guest Referee: DOOM: Minion).

Battle Royal: Held in Greenwich Village (Attendance: 3,256)

IMT: Bloodsport Frank Dux grabbed $1,000 in imaginary earnings when IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane threw him out.
IMT: Mr. Diehard John McClane was given $1,100 when he got hurled over the turnbuckle by IMT: Martin the Fly Brundle.
IMT: Andrew Dice Clay and EDGE: The Controller received $1,200 and $1,300, respectively, after both were tossed out by IMT: 976-EVIL.
IMT: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers collected $1,400 after IMT: Martin the Fly Brundle threw him out of the ring.
IMT: Martin the Fly Brundle made a cool $1,500 when he got hurled outside the ring by IMT: Flatten the Curve.
IMT: 976-EVIL earned $1,600 in imaginary earnings after he got thrown over the top rope by IMT: Flatten the Curve.
IMT: Flatten the Curve was the winner of the battle royal and the $30,000 prize.

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