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HIRED ASSASSIN LEAGUE |
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| BULLETIN #121 -- JANUARY 2026 |
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| Card 1: Held in Arlington (Attendance: 4,748) |
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COT: Super Ghost Machine over Stink Boy in 4 at 5:58 (Disqualification: nail file).
COT: Super Ghost Machine over Frank's Friend Kyle in 1 at 5:46 (Disqualification: hidden spike).
COT: Shadow Machine defeated EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 28:53 (Shadowban) by 1.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay annihilated Jimmy Roth in 6 at 6:54 (Ankle Lock) by 81.
COT: Super Ghost Machine pinned Dr. Blank in 6 at 4:35 (Flying Dropkick) by 103.
EDGE: 976-EVIL outmuscled COT/MULES: "Big Money" Amillion Buggs at 19:45 (Evil Calls) by 10 (non-title) (Guest Referee: Phil Dukes).
Main event: COT: Order Machine beat EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 37:04 (Order of Magnitude) by 7. |
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| Card 2: Held in Accra (Attendance: 5,791) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay bested Stink Boy in 9 at 2:47 (Crescent Kick) by 76.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay decked Frank's Friend Kyle in 6 at 7:28 (Ankle Lock) by 64.
Æ: "Under Contract" Anderson Silva bested EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 28:19 (Brainbuster) by 4.
COT: Super Ghost Machine annihilated Steve Shields in 6 at 1:40 (Flying Dropkick) by 130.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay destroyed Dr. Blank in 6 at 3:54 (Ankle Lock) by 103.
Mid-Atlantic title: IMT/47: The New Normal overpowered COT/MULES: "Big Money" Amillion Buggs at 21:06 (Point Flow Passport) by 8.
Main event: COT: Order Machine outmuscled COT: Glass City Assassin Delirium at 49:45 (Order of Magnitude) by 9. |
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| Card 3: Held in Anniston (Attendance: 8,289) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay beat Stink Man in 12 at 4:57 (Scorpion Deathlock) by 116.
COT: Super Ghost Machine over Al the Hacksaw in 2 at 6:01 (Count Out).
IMT/47: Ching Chong Jones won over EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 28:01 (No Ticket No Laundry) by 3.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay beat Steve Shields in 6 at 2:17 (Ankle Lock) by 130.
COT: Super Ghost Machine annihilated Tim McCormick in 6 at 1:48 (Flying Dropkick) by 100.
IMT/47: We Are In This Together outmuscled COT/MULES: Malcolm "Formerly Known as Twitter" at 27:53 (The Cycle of Death) by 3.
Main event: COT: Order Machine destroyed Æ: "Under Contract" Max Holloway at 32:06 (Order of Magnitude) by 2. |
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| Card 4: Held in Dothan (Attendance: 3,676) |
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COT: Super Ghost Machine over Bob in 2 at 10:26 (Disqualification: razor in boot).
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay won over Al the Hacksaw in 7 at 3:45 (Mounted Punches) by 96.
COT: Super Ghost Machine outmuscled EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 28:03 (FEMA Camp Sleeper) by 5.
COT: Super Ghost Machine over Phil Dukes in 2 at 29:36 (Disqualification: used brass knuckles).
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay defeated Tim McCormick in 6 at 2:26 (Ankle Lock) by 100.
IMT/47: Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th won over COT/MULES: Roosevelt Gunns at 27:14 (12th Booster) by 4.
Main event: COT: Order Machine bested EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 52:49 (Order of Magnitude) by 5. |
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| Card 5: Held in Willowick (Attendance: 6,541) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay bested Bob in 6 at 3:33 (Ankle Lock) by 85.
Æ: "Under Contract" BJ Penn decked EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 29:39 (Brainbuster) by 5.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers defeated COT: Jurassic Machine at 27:24 (The Preppy Killer) by 1.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay decked Phil Dukes in 6 at 6:12 (Ankle Lock) by 92.
COT: Super Ghost Machine beat Dandy Davis in 6 at 2:01 (Flying Dropkick) by 86.
Æ: "Under Contract" Anderson Silva bested COT: Mammoth Machine at 27:53 (Brainbuster) by 1.
Main event: COT: Order Machine won over COT/MULES: "Big Money" Amillion Buggs at 17:41 (Order of Magnitude) by 11. |
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| Card 6: Held in Jacksonville (Attendance: 4,527) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay defeated Wally Brick in 6 at 3:25 (Ankle Lock) by 86.
Æ: "Under Contract" Max Holloway annihilated EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 29:27 (Cobra Clutch) by 5.
COT: Mammoth Machine annihilated EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 27:31 (Mammoth Headbutt) by 3.
COT: Super Ghost Machine outmuscled Mike Taylor in 6 at 1:34 (Flying Dropkick) by 110.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay decked Dandy Davis in 6 at 6:08 (Ankle Lock) by 86.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay defeated Professor Wrassle in 6 at 1:21 (Ankle Lock) by 103.
Main event: COT: Order Machine beat IMT/47: We Are In This Together at 53:28 (Order of Magnitude) by 2. |
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| Card 7: Held in the Bronx (Attendance: 3,670) |
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COT: Super Ghost Machine defeated The Fishy Fisherman in 6 at 4:55 (Flying Dropkick) by 61.
Æ: "Under Contract" Max Holloway won over COT: Glass City Assassin Bedlam at 28:18 (Cobra Clutch) by 2.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay outmuscled EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 27:14 (Pimp Slap) by 4.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay outmuscled Mike Taylor in 6 at 4:17 (Ankle Lock) by 110.
COT: Super Ghost Machine decked Outlaw Ben Slick in 6 at 5:27 (Flying Dropkick) by 95.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay defeated Henry O. in 6 at 1:00 (Ankle Lock) by 116.
Main event: COT: Order Machine defeated IMT/47: Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th at 51:58 (Order of Magnitude) by 3. |
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| Card 8: Held in Venice (Attendance: 2,689) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay annihilated The Fishy Fisherman in 6 at 7:58 (Ankle Lock) by 61.
Æ: "Under Contract" Max Holloway drew COT: Super Ghost Machine (Time Limit).
EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle annihilated EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 28:19 (Fly Trap) by 5.
COT: Super Ghost Machine pinned Fred Brown in 6 at 0:22 (Flying Dropkick) by 128.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay outmuscled Outlaw Ben Slick in 6 at 4:21 (Ankle Lock) by 95.
IMT/47: We Are In This Together pinned Æ: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre at 27:39 (The Cycle of Death) by 3.
Main event: COT: Order Machine decked Æ: "Under Contract" Anderson Silva at 29:04 (Order of Magnitude) by 3. |
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| Card 9: Held in Sydney (Attendance: 8,609) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay pinned Bruce Vanquish in 8 at 7:44 (Flying Dropkick) by 62.
Æ: "Under Contract" Max Holloway beat COT: Mammoth Machine at 29:04 (Cobra Clutch) by 2.
TV title: EDGE: 976-EVIL destroyed EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 23:16 (Evil Calls) by 6.
COT: Order Machine decked Fred Brown in 6 at 2:24 (Flying Dropkick) by 125 (non-title).
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane annihilated COT: Glass City Assassin Havoc at 28:52 (RV is Toast) by 1.
IMT/47: Flatten the Curve decked COT: Jurassic Machine at 29:12 (Recommended Mandatory Jab) by 5.
Main event: COT: Order Machine defeated COT: Shadow Machine at 15:12 (Order of Magnitude) by 6. |
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| Card 10: Held in Fort Worth (Attendance: 1,188) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay decked Neil B. Formee in 6 at 2:49 (Ankle Lock) by 59.
Æ: "Under Contract" Max Holloway defeated EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay at 28:55 (Cobra Clutch) by 1.
IMT/47: We Are In This Together annihilated EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 28:28 (The Cycle of Death) by 5.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay over Fred Brown in 1 at 3:17 (Count Out).
COT: Super Ghost Machine decked EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 29:21 (FEMA Camp Sleeper) by 3 (non-title).
West Coast title: Æ: Hammer won over COT: Jurassic Machine at 16:00 (Hammered) by 9.
Main event: COT: Order Machine annihilated Æ: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson at 42:15 (Order of Magnitude) by 7. |
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| Card 11: Held in Joliet (Attendance: 3,958) |
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COT: Super Ghost Machine pinned "Burnout Boy" Bobby Baker in 9 at 1:05 (Crescent Kick) by 128.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers tied Æ: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson (Time Limit) (cage).
IMT/47: Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th overpowered EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 29:19 (12th Booster) by 4.
COT: Super Ghost Machine destroyed Duffy Wolfe in 6 at 1:27 (Flying Dropkick) by 106.
Great Lakes title: COT: Mammoth Machine won over EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane at 29:42 (Mammoth Headbutt) by 1.
IMT/47: We Are In This Together beat COT: Mammoth Machine at 28:54 (The Cycle of Death) by 2.
Main event: COT: Order Machine pinned COT: Jurassic Machine at 25:49 (Order of Magnitude) by 8. |
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| Card 12: Held in Franklin Township (Attendance: 9,126) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay won over "Burnout Boy" Bobby Baker in 9 at 1:16 (Crescent Kick) by 128.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers over Fred Brown in 1 at 3:36 (Count Out) (non-title).
COT: Chaos Machine destroyed EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 29:33 (Chaos Theory) by 5.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay outmuscled Duffy Wolfe in 6 at 1:07 (Ankle Lock) by 106.
EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux destroyed COT: Glass City Assassin Delirium at 28:30 (Brainbuster) by 3.
IMT/47: Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th won over COT: Mammoth Machine at 29:01 (12th Booster) by 1.
Main event: COT: Order Machine outmuscled COT: Super Ghost Machine at 43:52 (Order of Magnitude) by 2. |
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| Card 13: Held in Jersey City (Attendance: 6,305) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay defeated The Greater Cheese Grater at 2:48 (Pimp Slap) by 115.
EDGE: Mr. Diehard John McClane bested EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 28:27 (RV is Toast) by 2.
COT: Mammoth Machine bested Æ: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson at 29:35 (Mammoth Headbutt) by 3 (non-title).
COT: Super Ghost Machine destroyed Curt Gold in 6 at 2:02 (Flying Dropkick) by 86.
Central Plains title: COT: Super Ghost Machine beat COT: Glass City Assassin Delirium at 17:25 (FEMA Camp Sleeper) by 7.
EDGE: Martin the Fly Brundle drew IMT/47: We Are In This Together (Time Limit).
Main event: COT: Order Machine decked EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux at 16:11 (Order of Magnitude) by 6. |
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| Card 14: Held in Baltimore (Attendance: 7,525) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay outmuscled "Clever" Cliff Cleaver at 2:31 (Pimp Slap) by 125.
EDGE: Bloodsport Frank Dux pinned EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers at 28:15 (Brainbuster) by 1.
COT: Super Ghost Machine over Peter Lawler in 1 at 2:39 (Disqualification: used belt to hit opponent).
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay beat Curt Gold in 6 at 5:19 (Ankle Lock) by 86.
COT: Mammoth Machine bested COT: Glass City Assassin Delirium at 28:50 (Mammoth Headbutt) by 5.
League Tag-team titles: IMT/47: Ching Chong Jones* and Flatten the Curve pinned COT: Shadow Machine* and Jurassic Machine at 13:09 (No Ticket No Laundry) by 17.
Main event: COT: Order Machine annihilated EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay at 35:52 (Order of Magnitude) by 3. |
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| Card 15: Held in the East End of London (Attendance: 3,541) |
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COT: Super Ghost Machine defeated Kevin "The Cardshark" Kings in 8 at 3:04 (Mounted Punches) by 109.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers overpowered COT: Glass City Assassin Delirium at 29:02 (The Preppy Killer) by 2.
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay bested Peter Lawler in 6 at 5:54 (Ankle Lock) by 99.
COT: Super Ghost Machine won over Charlie Ford in 6 at 2:46 (Flying Dropkick) by 118.
COT: Super Ghost Machine pinned COT/MULES: "Big Money" Amillion Buggs at 24:55 (FEMA Camp Sleeper) by 9 (non-title).
IMT/47: We Are In This Together, The New Normal, and Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th* decked Stink Boy, Wally Brick, and "Burnout Boy" Bobby Baker* at 2:28 (12th Booster) by 84.
Main event: COT: Order Machine pinned IMT/47: Ching Chong Jones at 45:16 (Order of Magnitude) by 4. |
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| Card 16: Held in Sioux City (Attendance: 9,746) |
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EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay pinned Kevin "The Cardshark" Kings in 6 at 6:40 (Ankle Lock) by 65.
EDGE: Robert the Mega Murderer Chambers outmuscled COT/MULES: "Big Money" Amillion Buggs at 28:27 (The Preppy Killer) by 4.
COT: Super Ghost Machine over Jimmy Roth in 2 at 9:12 (Count Out).
EDGE: Andrew Dice Clay decked Charlie Ford in 6 at 3:10 (Ankle Lock) by 118.
COT: Mammoth Machine beat COT/MULES: "Big Money" Amillion Buggs at 23:52 (Mammoth Headbutt) by 7 (non-title).
IMT/47: We Are In This Together, The New Normal, and Virtue Signaling Male Karen the 13th* won over COT: Shadow Machine*, Jurassic Machine, and Mammoth Machine at 8:58 (12th Booster) by 20.
Main event: COT: Order Machine outmuscled COT: Chaos Machine at 28:47 (Order of Magnitude) by 2. |
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| Battle Royal: Held in Stockholm (Attendance: 1,157) |
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Æ: "Under Contract" Anderson Silva collected $1,000 when he was tossed outside the ring by Æ: "Under Contract" Max Holloway.
COT: Chaos Machine grabbed $1,100 after Æ: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson flung him out.
COT: Order Machine pocketed $1,200 after Æ: "Under Contract" BJ Penn threw him out.
Æ: "Under Contract" BJ Penn picked up $1,300 when COT: Super Ghost Machine threw him between the ropes.
Æ: Hammer won $1,400 when COT: Jurassic Machine threw him outside the ring.
COT: Jurassic Machine collected $1,500 after Æ: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson flung him out.
Æ: "Under Contract" Quentin Jackson snatched $1,600 when he got flipped out by Æ: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre.
COT: Shadow Machine snatched $1,700 when he was flipped over the top rope by COT: Super Ghost Machine.
COT: Mammoth Machine received $1,800 when he got thrown out by COT/MULES: Roosevelt Gunns.
COT: Super Ghost Machine nabbed an imaginary $1,900 after COT/MULES: Roosevelt Gunns flung him out.
COT/MULES: Roosevelt Gunns nabbed $2,000 after Æ: "Under Contract" Max Holloway threw him between the ropes.
Æ: "Under Contract" Max Holloway grabbed a quick $2,100 after Æ: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre threw him onto the concrete floor.
Æ: "Under Contract" Georges St-Pierre was the winner of the HAL battle royal and the $30,000 purse. |
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