IWA REPORT
Vol. 20, No. 2 -- February 2015
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HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES -- engraved plaque

John Beckett of Canada

Johnny Canuck (LWL) 1,261-589-76, $2,437,600 *6

Jason Groomes of Iowa

"Happy" Ralphie Bloodthirst (LWL) 1,506-310-53, $2,619,300 *13
(To see the lead-in to this segment, check out the "Ogden Invitational Brawl" page on the IWA/LWL Dungeon message board.)

Ralphie Bloodthirst is weary and bloodied after his grueling match. His fellow Psychotic Friends Network family members and stablemates surround him as he sits in a chair, regaining his composure. A ringside attendant places Ralphie's cheese grater and a microphone in the ring. Ralphie grabs both, stands, and addresses the crowd:

"Wow. Max Ripley, those powerbombs hurt! Especially the ladder one through that table. Hold on a second." Just then, Antler Jones sneaks up behind Ripley's manager, Vic Rizzo, and gives him a gut hook belly-to-back suplex. Rizzo writhes as Ralphie's father, Death Metal Meyers, kicks him out of the ring. "Okay, now that the trash is out of the ring... Ripley, I have something for you. Come here." Although hesitant, Ripley eventually walks over. Ralphie hands him his blood-stained cheese grater. "This is for you. I know you aren't a hardcore wrestler or even a nasty guy. But you beat me, in my hometown, in my style of match... my final match." The crowd boos at the thought of their local hero retiring. Ripley seems appreciative and exits the ring. "I've been a real mess lately. I've hurt a lot of people. So, I'm hanging up my wrestling boots and I'll be retiring... to the state mental hospital of Ogden, Utah. Hopefully my buddies, Crazy Jimmy and Kooky Steve, have the checkerboard ready. Tell the counselors Ralphie's coming home... and that he's really happy!"

 

WORLD, U.S., KING OF THE RING

World Champion

EDGE: Bad Boy Bill O'Reilly (IGL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada; manager retained title; 500; $300,000 + 100 free matches or a real wrestling belt & 50 free matches; manager's 14th career World title

U.S. Champion

Æ: Big Frank Country (CLL)
Sly Smith of West Virginia; $60,000 + a plaque or 25 free matches; edged VIRUS: Horse Pox (IGL), EDGE: Arrogant Alex Ariza (HSL)

King of the Ring

BLOOD: Wonderful Wally Brown (GRL)
"Dr. Pain" Mark Duchaine of Vermont; a plaque or 25 free matches; 274 KotR total; hold positions were 3, 4, 5, 7, 10, 13, 14, 15; battle royal hold positions were 1, 2, 5, 6, 8, 9, 11, 12

 

SPECIALTY TITLES -- $25,000 + 10 free matches

American Champion

BLOOD: Classy Eddie Degrassi (BRL)
"Dr. Pain" Mark Duchaine of Vermont; edged VIRUS: Gilgamesh (AWL)

Asiatic Champion

Æ/JERKSS: The Extremist (NAL)
Erik Davis of Washington; edged FMR: Legalize Sleaze (NDL)

Hardcore Champion

EDGE: The Fallen Knight (LSL)
Mike Dorsett of New York; edged VIRUS: Cactus Sac (GRL)

Metropolitan Champion

Eddie Degrassi
15 free matches; edged Mike White Lightning Moore (LWL)

UWL Champion

MEOW: Queen Scary (IML)
Kay Ritchie of California; a real wrestling belt & 25 free matches

 

FEDERATION PLAY-OFFS -- $40,000 + 25 free matches

Iron Federation Champion

EDGE: El Sobrino del Santo (EEL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada; edged A: Sly Fox (WSL)

Steel Federation Champion

Classic: El Treballador de Ferreria (ESL)
Glenn Mazura of Virginia; edged EDGE: Shareef Johnson's Limo Driver (OSL)

Gold Federation Champion

Æ: Johnny Rogue (CLL)
Michael Eaves of Mississippi; 500

Diamond Federation Champion

Æ: Green Ninja (XWL)
Michael Eaves; manager retained title; edged BLOOD: "The Tattooist" Tony Sleeves (NFL); manager's 19th career Diamond Federation title, 65th career Federation title

Bronze Federation Champion

EDGE: Bad Boy Bill O'Reilly (IGL)
Garett Guzman; 500

Jade Federation Champion

BLOOD/NYB: Throwdown (PAL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; 499

 

NATIONAL, IWA-WIDE REGIONALS -- $20,000

National Champion

DDT/KDSN: Jealous Sister Khloe K. (NBL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 500; a plaque or 25 free matches; Southern region

Atlantic Champion

DDT/KDSN: Sensitive Khloe Kardashian (AAL)
Matt Yunick

Central Champion

Æ: Repo Mann (PRL)
Solomon Shaw of Maine; 499

Dixie Champion

VIRUS: Sweden House (TDL)
Frank Jay Belcher III of Michigan; edged EDGE: Deangelo Jeremitrius Vickers (NBL), EDGE: Clyde Cozworth (MML), Johnny Reb (AWL)

Eastern Champion

DDT/KDSN: Khloe's Former Husband Lamar Odom (TCL)
Matt Yunick

Mountain Champion

DDT/KDSN: The Little Brat Kylie (LOL)
Matt Yunick; edged EDGE: The Yellow Knight (PRL)

Northern Champion

Æ: Masked Donald Trump (CLL)
Sly Smith of West Virginia

Pacific Champion

Æ/JERKSS: The Great One (NAL)
Erik Davis of Washington; 499

Prairie Champion

Æ: Sheik Yerbutti (CLL)
Sly Smith; manager retained title

Western Champion

Æ: Hired Gun #5 (MML)
"The Game" from Parts Unknown

 

LADIES' TITLES

Ladies' World Champion

NYB: "Ruthless" Rachel Rage (LLL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; manager retained title; $40,000 + a plaque or 15 free matches

Ladies' U.S. Champion

Æ: Pretty Paris Hilton (VVL)
Michael Eaves of Mississippi; $20,000

Queen of the Ring

Asian School Girl Beci (FFL)
Rich Schwartzenburg of Canada; 267 QotR total

Ladies' National Champion

EDGE: Asian School Girl Tu (VVL)
Rich Schwartzenburg; 500

Ladies' Tag-team Champions

NYB: Rachel Rage & "Heartless" Heather Havoc
moved up from U.S. titles; 516

Ladies' U.S. Tag-team Champions

EDGE: Georgette the Animal Steele & Macho Woman Ryan Savage (MDL)
"The Immortal" Shareef Johnson of New Jersey

World Six-woman Champions

BLOOD: "Poor White Trash" Patty Jewels, Rachel Rage, Heather Havoc
Anthony Dudick; moved up from U.S. titles; 521

U.S. Six-woman Champions

Æ/LPPF: The Beautiful Ones (LLL)
Keith A. Maple of Ohio (Jamie Szantyr, Lauren Williams, Ashley Cabot)

 

TAG-TEAM TITLES

World Tag-team Champions

EDGE: The Pin Doctor Janosz Poha & Egotistical Egon Spengler (SAL)
Mike Dorsett of New York; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

MWC: Commissioner Lenny Finkle & Commissioner's Bodyguard (QPL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota

Æ/LPPF: Half Man & Half Amazing (NBL)
Keith A. Maple of Ohio

Æ: The Maronite Mauler & PAIN: Primetime Awesome Austin Young (ECL)
John Gabriel of Pennsylvania & "Sexbomb of Rock 'n' Roll" B.C. Empson

Top Contenders

5. BLOOD: Burnt Out Brawlers #1 & #2 (NFL)
Classic: "Doctor of Wrestling" Dominic Pierce & William Ramsey (ESL)

7. Æ: Blackhawk & The Unwilling Hero (AEL)

8. EDGE: Electric Uncle Sam & Captain Shiner (FJL)

9. VIRUS: The Dead Bodyman & Mumps (SHL)

10. Ethan Quinn & Jack Baldwin (PRL)
last of the teams with 516

U.S. Tag-team Champions

Æ/JERKSS: The Kid & The Stomper (CSL)
Erik Davis of Washington; 516; $20,000; edged NYB: "The Playa" Jamal Branton & "The Mack Daddy" Malik Davis (NFL), EDGE: Disciples of Terror 4 & 5 (AEL), Æ/LPPF: Products of Arrogance #1 & #2 (BRL)

 

SIX-MAN TITLES

World Six-man Champions

EDGE: The Yellow Knight, The Ebony Knight, The Crimson Knight (PRL)
Mike Dorsett of New York; manager retained titles; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

VIRUS: Cholera, Herpes, Syphilis (NAL)
Frank Jay Belcher III of Michigan

DDT/KDSN: Kim's Future Husband Matt Y., The Forgotten Kardashian, Yet Another Kardashian (ECL)
Matt Yunick of New York

Æ: Demolition Debbie, Jimmy Havok, Harley Fame (CLL)
Michael Drake of New Jersey & Sly Smith of West Virginia (Fame)

Top Contenders

5. EDGE: Carmelo Anthony Hopkins, John Wayne Gretzky, LeBron James Gandolfini (NSL)
last of the teams with 521

6. DDT/KDSN: Kim's Former Boyfriend Ray J., Curvy Kimberly Kardashian, Kim's First Husband Damon Thomas (AAL)

7. EDGE: Pretty Boy Pedro Collado, Lucky the Wonder Poodle, Rocco the Wonder Mutt (NGL)
ranked #6 last time
EDGE: Friendo, Stallion, McGooch (HSL)
EDGE: Monsieur Au Jus, Senor Huevos, El Mas Macho (IGL)
MWC: The Rockin' Redneck, The Scramblin' Hillbilly, Wayne "the Train" Bloom (QPL)
NYB: Hardriders I, II, III (NFL)

U.S. Six-man Champions

Æ: Solomon Crow, Kevin Owens, National #1 (CLL)
Michael Drake & Sly Smith (#1); Drake held titles 3 cycles in a row; Smith retained titles; share of $20,000

EDGE: Disciples of Terror 1, 2, 3 (AEL)
Rich Reilly of New Jersey

EDGE: The Jade Dragon, The Ebony Dragon, Ugg the Barbarian (JDL)
Mike Dorsett; 521; edged VIRUS: Scrub-A-Dub-Dub, Chicken Pox, Measles (NAL), EDGE: Dead Soul, The Great Destroyer, The Good Soldier (FJL)

 

TOP 10 LEAGUES -- veteran leagues only

1. LWL (772 matches) 490.560
won the two matches for $1 cycle for having the highest average strategy total (counting only active wrestlers)

2. IWL (727 matches) 484.564

3. MML (601 matches) 488.952

4. NBL (506 matches) 490.375

5. CWL (485 matches) 485.353

6. BRL (444 matches) 486.829

7. NAL (410 matches) 485.416

8. CLL (377 matches) 473.513

9. ECL (364 matches) 482.856

10. XPL (323 matches) 487.849

 

TOP 20 STARS -- active wrestlers only

1. BLOOD: Wonderful Wally Brown (GRL) 126

2. BLOOD: Sinister Steve Stryker (BRL) 108

3. BLOOD: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (BRL) 106

4. NYB: Diesel Duddick (NFL) 103

5. Æ/LPPF: Innovator of Arrogance Keith A. Maple (XPL) 96

6. Æ/LPPF: Bloody Assault Jessica Lee Richards (LLL)
Æ/LPPF: Medieval Tymes (NAL)
NYB: "The Big Mofo" Anthony Dudick (HSL) 94

9. Steve "The Sandman" Sands (KKL)
BLOOD: Nightmare Sam Hell (BRL) 88

11. BLOOD: Lord of Illusions (BRL) 87

12. EDGE/DT: Mike White Lightning Moore (QPL) 84

13. Æ/LPPF: Alpha Male (BRL)
Executioner (LBL)
Johnny "2 Kold" Koolakowski (IGL) 83

16. EDGE: Mike White Lightning Moore (MML)
BLOOD: Mark the Master Duchaine (GRL) 78

18. BLOOD: Buda Von Blitzen (XPL)
EDGE: Warchild (EHL) 77

20. EDGE: Ollis Rage (JDL) 76

 

LIST OF LEAGUES

Iron Federation

Center Stage, Extreme Existence, Hardcore Wrestling, Iron Man, Main Event, Next Generation, Quick Pin, Wrestling Superstars, Xtreme Poison

Steel Federation

American Wrestling, Eastern States Wrestling, Fighting Legends, Intense Impact, King of Kings, Last Man Standing, Mid-Atlantic Wrestling Legacy, New Blood, Old School, Vicious Valkyries

Gold Federation

All Star, Battle Royal, Blood Bath, Caged Lion, Continental Wrestling, Fighting Superstars, Independent Wrestling, Mexican Mayhem, Mystic Diva, National Wrestling, Ninja Dojo, Texas Death, Triple Threat

Diamond Federation

American Bodyslam, Evil Clown, Femme Fatale, Fractured Jaw, Lethal Brawling, Lights Out, Night Falcon, Noble Savage, Non-stop Action, Rajun Cajun, Xtreme Wrestling

Bronze Federation

American Extreme, American Outlaw, Extreme Hardcore, Grim Reaper, Hardcore Superstars, Iron Glove, Soul Asylum, Total Chaos

Jade Federation

Atomic Age, Jade Dragon, Lone Wolf, Lovely Ladies, Primal Rage, Psychotic Killer, Pure Adrenaline, Smoking Gun, Super Hero, Wrestlers Elite

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