IWA REPORT
Vol. 19, No. 16 -- November 2014
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CORRECTION

The rightful Queen of the Ring last cycle was DDT: Debbie Got Cakes (LLL), with a 269-point QotR total. Our apologies to her manager, Paul Pratt of California.

 

WORLD, U.S., KING OF THE RING

World Champion

Questionable Motives, drawn by Werner MueckEDGE: "EDGE's Extreme Icon" Hannibal (LWL)
Jeff Annable of Canada; 501; $300,000 + 100 free matches or a real wrestling belt & 50 free matches

The scene is Budweiser Gardens in London, Ontario. The Guns N' Roses cover of "Sympathy for the Devil" plays over the sound system, signaling the entrance of the Puppetmaster himself, EDGE's Extreme Icon Hannibal. Accompanying the Icon is the other half of Questionable Motives, Mr. Magnificent J. Montgomery. The duo hits the ring, and Hannibal grabs the microphone and speaks:

"You know, this is becoming an annual tradition for the Icon -- finishing the year with the World Heavyweight Championship in his possession and shutting the door on any aspirations other stables may have of defeating EDGE and becoming the IWA's #1 stable. Our apologies to every other stable out there who tried to unseat the Dominion... but once again just couldn't do it. It's especially satisfying this fourth time as World Champion, as well, because I did it from the toughest, most challenging, most creatively satisfying league in this game today, bar none... the LWL! The Icon doesn't care who you are -- if you haven't proven yourself in the LWL, then you simply haven't proven yourself, and if you aren't in the LWL, then your accomplishments are only second rate at best. There is nothing else in this business that compares.

"So along with my associate Mr. Mag, Questionable Motives would like to repeat the words of Ralphie Bloodthirst and issue an open challenge to ANYONE in the IWA: Come to the LWL and face us. Come to the LWL and step in OUR ring. If you think you have what it takes, if you think you're the best, if you think you're a superstar... you're not. Not until you prove it here. We're waiting for you."

U.S. Champion

Konik (LWL)
Andrew Konik of Michigan; 501; $60,000 + a plaque or 25 free matches; edged OMEGA: Reign of Terror Disciple (JDL)

King of the Ring

BLOOD: "NY's Hardest" Eric Dudick (HSL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; a plaque or 25 free matches; 274 KotR total; hold positions were 1, 4, 5, 6, 10, 12, 14, 15; battle royal hold positions were 2, 3, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, 13

 

SPECIALTY TITLES -- $25,000 + 10 free matches

American Champion

SA: Vincent Von Vicious (LOL)
W.P. Mills of Wisconsin; retained title; 500

Asiatic Champion

BLOOD: Fireball (NAL)
"Dr. Pain" Mark Duchaine of Vermont; 500; edged IIIT/CGT: Mack Daddy of Violence (ECL), OMEGA: "Funky" Drake Jenkins (JDL)

Hardcore Champion

EDGE: Goodguy Gordy Goodwood (TDL)
Rich Schwartzenburg of Canada; 499; edged DDT: Angry Samoan (MML), VIRUS: Cactus Sac (GRL)

Metropolitan Champion

EDGE: "EDGE's Extreme Icon" Hannibal (LWL)
Jeff Annable of Canada; retained title; 501; 20 free matches

 

FEDERATION PLAY-OFFS -- $40,000 + 25 free matches

Iron Federation Champion

DC: Danger Derek Steele (CSL)
R. Routh of Virginia; edged EDGE: The Bone Knight (WSL), ARMY/FMR: Death Gambler (HWL), OMEGA: Black Thunder Tom Flash (EEL), MWC: "Mean" Mike Enos (QPL), JL6: SNITCH (IML)

Steel Federation Champion

APO: Daddy G. (AWL)
Giovanni Rentas of Florida; edged OMEGA: Genius (OSL), EDGE: Soul Glo Assassin (IIL), EDGE: Shadow Reaper (LSL), EDGE: The Unstoppable SJ Perfect (FLL)

Gold Federation Champion

EDGE: Goodguy Gordy Goodwood (TDL)
Rich Schwartzenburg of Canada; 499; edged DDT: Angry Samoan (MML), EDGE: Typical Cat (NDL)

Diamond Federation Champion

VIRUS: Toxic Warrior (ABL)
Robert Coplin of California; 501

Bronze Federation Champion

OMEGA: Yellow Ninja (EHL)
Michael Eaves of Mississippi; 501; edged EDGE: Bodysnatcher (HSL); manager's 60th career Federation title

Jade Federation Champion

EDGE: "EDGE's Extreme Icon" Hannibal (LWL)
Jeff Annable of Canada; 501; edged OMEGA: The 18th Amendment (WEL), EDGE: "Jive Turkey" Jerry McGrew (PAL)

 

NATIONAL, IWA-WIDE REGIONALS -- $20,000

National Champion

EDGE: Elton John Malkovich (FSL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada; 501; a plaque or 25 free matches; Central region

Atlantic Champion

EDGE: The AA Dropout (NAL)
Jeff Annable of Canada; 500; edged OMEGA: The Beast Rob Reilly (JDL), ARMY/FMR: D-Dog Hardcore (XWL), EDGE: Kid A (HSL), EDGE: Death Incarnate (WSL)

Dixie Champion

EDGE: Ilocano (FJL)
Garett Guzman; 500; edged EDGE/BOTB: Bad News SJ Perfect (NAL)

Eastern Champion

DDT/KDSN: Socialite Khloe Kardashian (ECL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 499; edged EDGE: Badguy Brody Ballistic (TDL)

Mountain Champion

BLOOD: Death Machine (NAL)
"Dr. Pain" Mark Duchaine of Vermont; 500

Northern Champion

EDGE: Cebuano (EHL)
Garett Guzman; 501; edged DDT/KDSN: The Ugly Sister Khloe Kardashian (HWL)

Pacific Champion

BLOOD: The Megabrain Mark Duchaine (NAL)
Mark Duchaine; 500

Prairie Champion

BLOOD: Diabolical Jerry Savage (NAL)
Mark Duchaine; manager retained title; 500; edged EDGE: Thurgood Marshall Mathers (FSL)

Southern Champion

BLOOD: Little Orphan Amphetamine (NAL)
Mark Duchaine; 500; edged OMEGA: Barely Noticeable Barry (JDL)

Western Champion

Clark Pierpont (CWL)
Andrew Konik of Michigan; 500

 

LADIES' TITLES

Ladies' World Champion

LPPF: "Beautiful One" Jamie Szantyr (LLL)
Keith A. Maple of Ohio; $40,000 + a plaque or 15 free matches; edged EDGE/JERKSS: Sad Girl (VVL), WC: Kacey Lee Valentine (MDL)

Ladies' U.S. Champion

EDGE: Nikki Blair (LLL)
Rob Bream of Pennsylvania; $20,000

Queen of the Ring

OMEGA: Godzooky (MDL)
Jason Battaglia of New York; 268 QotR total

Ladies' National Champion

EDGE: Asian School Girl: Shino (MDL)
Rich Schwartzenburg of Canada

Ladies' Tag-team Champions

TSC: Junebug & Mama Jones (LLL)
Brent Wahr of Michigan; 516

Ladies' U.S. Tag-team Champions

Garbage Lady & Snowbird Beth
Erik Davis of Washington; 516

World Six-woman Champions

DDT/KDSN: Khloe's BFF Malika, Nutritionist Kathy Kaehler, Kim's Hero Jennifer Lopez (MDL)
Matt Yunick of New York; manager retained titles

EDGE: Asian School Girls: Fu, Yu, Tu (VVL)
Rich Schwartzenburg; 521

U.S. Six-woman Champions

EDGE: Asian School Girls: Candi, Kiko, Miko (MDL)
Rich Schwartzenburg; 521; edged EDGE/JERKSS: Cleaning Lady, Garbage Lady, Snowbird Beth (LLL)

 

TAG-TEAM TITLES

World Tag-team Champions

BLOOD: "Pig-Faced Killer" Robert Porkchop & "The Orphan Killer" Marcus Miller (HSL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

EDGE: Squirrelly & Surly Hurley (NDL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada

Top Contenders

3. EDGE/JERKSS: Wet Mop & Dry Mop (WEL)

4. EDGE: Goodguy Gordy Goodwood & Badguy Brody Ballistic (TDL)
last of the teams with 516

5. Mike White Lightning Moore & Hotshot R.L. Bream (LWL)

6. LPPF: Demonic Dudes Lucifer Ace & Samhain Douglas (GRL)

7. LOVE/EGG: The Keystone Kid & DOPE: The Venomous Rat Rex Von Wolf (ECL)
ranked #2 last time

8. ARMY/FMR: Death Gambler & The Wreckage (HWL)

9. EDGE: The Ebony Knight & The Fallen Knight (LSL)

10. VIRUS: Yellow Fever & Shingles (IGL)

U.S. Tag-team Champions

EDGE: Purple Kush & Bronze Whaler (IIL)
Garett Guzman; 516; $20,000; edged EDGE/JERKSS: Train & Bus (TCL), previous champions EDGE/JERKSS: The Backyard Brawler & The News (NDL), OMEGA: The Misguided Mole & Molier Than Thou (FSL), EDGE: Scavengers Vulture & Anaconda (MML)

 

SIX-MAN TITLES

World Six-man Champions

LPPF: David, Chris, Mike Von Damme (MWL)
Keith A. Maple of Ohio; retained titles; manager held titles 3 cycles in a row; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

BLOOD: Murder, Death, Kill (HSL)
Anthony Dudick of New York

MWC: Hooded Soldiers I, II, III (FSL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota

EDGE: Death Dealer, Death Incarnate, Death Magnet (WSL)
Mike Dorsett of New York

EDGE: Roach Dankstein, Reggie Kindbud, Sparky del Mota (FLL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada

Top Contenders

6. VIRUS: Body Smasher, Superstar, Bonecrusher (NAL)

7. DDT/KDSN: Bruce's Former Wife Chrystie C., World's Greatest Father Bruce Jenner, Bruce's Son Burt Jenner (ECL)
last of the teams with 521

8. DDT/KDSN: Pregnant Kourtney Kardashian, Wheaties Spokesman Bruce Jenner, Kourtney's Daughter Penelope (AAL)

9. DDT/KDSN: Kendall's Biggest Hater, Kylie's Biggest Fan, World's Most Beautiful Woman Kim K. (NBL)

10. ARMY/FMR: Human Roadkill, Bruiser Dog, Dregg (XWL)

U.S. Six-man Champions

EDGE: The Man in Black, The Harbinger of Death, The Messenger of Death (WSL)
Mike Dorsett; share of $20,000

EDGE: Bristol Seafood Grill, Horizon Buffet, Sakura Sushi Bar (NDL)
Garett Guzman; 521; edged LPPF: Irrelevant Nobodies (You, Him, What's His Name) (GRL)

 

TOP 10 LEAGUES -- veteran leagues only

1. BRL (886 matches) 488.771

2. IWL (842 matches) 490.527

3. LWL (804 matches) 489.000

4. TDL (624 matches) 491.712

5. NAL (586 matches) 492.622
won the two matches for $1 cycle for having the highest average strategy total (counting only active wrestlers)

6. NBL (565 matches) 491.600

7. MML (539 matches) 489.976

8. UWL (525 matches) 491.625

9. XPL (481 matches) 485.193

10. HWL (442 matches) 492.253

 

TOP 20 MONEY HOLDERS -- active wrestlers only

1. Kaptain Kryptonite (NBL) $31,772,800

2. LPPF: Medieval Tymes (NAL) $22,037,700

3. "Mr. Powerful" Ken Lambeau (PKL) $21,386,800

4. LPPF/FMR: Innovator of Arrogance Keith A. Maple (XPL) $21,156,200

5. JL6: The Hooded Inmate (IML) $19,004,200

6. RWS: Mike Drake (HWL) $17,548,600

7. APO: Gypsy Rose Lee (ECL) $17,379,979

8. EDGE/DT: Mike White Lightning Moore (QPL) $16,033,900

9. DFI: American Freedom Fighter E.J. (SHL) $14,940,238

10. LPPF: Bloody Assault Jessica Lee Richards (LLL) $14,670,800

11. BLOOD: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (BRL) $14,619,100

12. Arsenal (TDL) $13,710,400

13. FMR: High Stakes Chris Edwards (IGL) $13,242,500

14. OMEGA: King Krusher (ASL) $13,040,700

15. ROW: Special Agent B.M.F. (IWL) $12,715,000

16. Johnny "2 Kold" Koolakowski (IGL) $12,195,800

17. EDGE: Motorheadbanger Annihilator (PAL) $10,671,600

18. Cpl. Punishment (LBL) $10,654,700

19. NGAA: Hawkeye Science (NGL) $10,625,400

20. LPPF/FMR: Alpha Male (BRL) $10,446,400

 

LIST OF LEAGUES

Iron Federation

Center Stage, Extreme Existence, Hardcore Wrestling, Iron Man, Main Event, Next Generation, Quantum Pro, Wrestling Superstars, Xtreme Poison

Steel Federation

Absolute Pain, American Wrestling, Eastern States Wrestling, Fighting Legends, Intense Impact, King of Kings, Last Man Standing, Mid-Atlantic Wrestling Legacy, New Blood, Old School, Unknown Wrestler, Vicious Valkyries

Gold Federation

All Star, Battle Royal, Blood Bath, Caliente Lucha, Continental Wrestling, Fighting Superstars, Independent Wrestling, Mexican Mayhem, Mystic Diva, National Wrestling, Ninja Dojo, Texas Death

Diamond Federation

American Bodyslam, Evil Clown, Femme Fatale, Fractured Jaw, Lethal Brawling, Lights Out, Night Falcon, Noble Savage, Non-stop Action, Rajun Cajun, Xtreme Wrestling

Bronze Federation

Alternate Existence, American Outlaw, Extreme Hardcore, Grim Reaper, Hot Streak, Iron Glove, Raging Bull, Soul Asylum, Total Chaos

Jade Federation

Atomic Age, Jade Dragon, Lone Wolf, Lovely Ladies, Primal Rage, Psychotic Killer, Pure Adrenaline, Smoking Gun, Super Hero, Wrestlers Elite

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