IWA REPORT
Vol. 19, No. 13 -- September 2014
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HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES -- engraved plaque

Lee Macko of Michigan

Classic: "Ace Cowboy" Bob Norton (WCL) 1,000-349-70, $2,246,400 *10

Cory Jones of Virginia

BIQ: Izzy Crazy (NAL) 1,485-628-60, $4,708,600 *2
BIQ: Kanny Wynn (NAL) 1,363-414-55, $4,404,100 *3
BIQ: Willie Survive (NAL) 2,110-722-99, $6,348,300 *1

 

WORLD, U.S., KING OF THE RING

World Champion

'Happy' Ralphie Bloodthirst, drawn by Werner Mueck"Happy" Ralphie Bloodthirst (LWL)
Jason Groomes of Iowa; 501; $300,000 + 100 free matches or a real wrestling belt & 50 free matches; entered due to an in-league error; champion would have been Rory Funk, Jr. (MWL)

The Delta Center in Salt Lake City, Utah, is abuzz. The Lone Wolf League is in town, but tonight is different, as the governing body from the IWA offices is in town also. Many dignitaries are seen in attendance. The lights go out, and the song "Raining Blood" by Slayer blares over the P.A. system as local LWL superstar "Happy" Ralphie Bloodthirst bursts from behind the curtain to the adulation of his hometown crowd. Ralphie slowly walks down the aisle toward the ring where a podium is set up and IWA President Johnny B waits, sitting at a table with the IWA World Championship belt. The crowd chants Ralphie's name, and kids can be seen in the crowd with their replica Ralphie foam cheese graters as he finally enters the ring and shakes the president's hand. Also at the table are the members of the LWL's Authority. Johnny B straps the belt around Ralphie's waist, and the crowd erupts. He shakes the president's hand again and steps to the podium to begin speaking:

(Grinning as the crowd continues chanting his name) "Whoever it was that said championships didn't matter -- wait a minute..." (Holding his hand to his head as if it were a gun) "Seriously, I'm very gracious for this. I've been grinding pretty hard lately. The 31 staples I received after the Mount Bloodmore match with my turncoat brother just came out a couple of days ago. Still, the tenderness of my hairline is a constant reminder of that war. The hair is even growing back where they shaved off part of my dreadlocks.

"I have a list of some people I want to thank: Mom, you've been my rock. My cousin, Meltdown, who is one of the greatest wrestling teachers of all time. Of course, my pops (Death Metal), who has always been my inspiration; I hope I've made you proud. My associate, El Hijo del Armas Archuleta; you're a good friend. My rivals, Johnny Canuck, whom I've enjoyed hurting so much, and Starkiller, the torturing of whom the past year and a half has given me almost as much pleasure as the tooth I took from him to have implanted into mine -- smile; show off that gap, hahaha! Lastly, my brother, Antler Jones, who blindly stabbed me in the back, but also opened my eyes and renewed my focus.

(Unstrapping his belt and holding it high overhead) "This is an open invitation to everyone else in the IWA. The LWL is the toughest place to be. Don't be fooled by some fabricated revolutionaries. You can run in our pack like a man, or you can go somewhere else like a punk! I'll be here waiting!"

U.S. Champion

Team Glug: Supernaut (IWL)
Colin M. Denlea of Georgia; 501; $60,000 + a plaque or 25 free matches

King of the Ring

TSD: Michael Maddness (EEL)
Michael Eaves of Mississippi; 499; a plaque or 25 free matches; 272 KotR total; edged EDGE: Masked Terror (NAL); hold positions were 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 11, 13, 15; battle royal hold positions were 1, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 12, 14; manager's 16th career King of the Ring title

 

SPECIALTY TITLES -- $25,000 + 10 free matches

American Champion

EDGE: J.C. Steel (ASL)
Rob Bream of Pennsylvania; 499; edged Hot $tuff Adam Ca$h (BRL)

Asiatic Champion

EDGE: Da Vanilla Twista (NBL)
"The Sledgehammer" Adam Sullivan of Canada; 500; edged OMEGA: "Wild" Braddock Vile (JDL)

Hardcore Champion

BLOOD: Sinister Steve Stryker (PKL)
"Dr. Pain" Mark Duchaine of Vermont; 499; edged OMEGA: Godzilla (TDL), Death Warrant (MML)

Metropolitan Champion

Da Vanilla Twista
10 free matches

 

FEDERATION PLAY-OFFS -- $40,000 + 25 free matches

Iron Federation Champion

TSD: Michael Maddness (EEL)
Michael Eaves of Mississippi; 499; edged EDGE: Sully "The Sledgehammer" Sullivan (MEL); manager's 59th career Federation title

Steel Federation Champion

Rory Funk, Jr. (MWL)
John Stephenson of California; 501

Gold Federation Champion

Doug Gavelon (NWL)
Travis Larrabee of Pennsylvania; 501

Diamond Federation Champion

OMEGA: The War Machine (RCL)
Solomon Shaw of Maine; 499; edged EDGE: Superstar Billy Silva (NAL), APO/DO: Dr. Pain Paul Pressure (LBL), VIRUS: American Muscle Ryan O'Rourke (ABL)

Bronze Federation Champion

OMEGA: Irish Wolfhound Razor (AEL)
Solomon Shaw; missed title by point flow last time; 500

Jade Federation Champion

"Happy" Ralphie Bloodthirst (LWL)
Jason Groomes of Iowa; 501; entered due to an in-league error; champion would have been OMEGA: The 18th Amendment (WEL, Solomon Shaw, 500) edging OMEGA: "Wild" Braddock Vile (JDL)

 

NATIONAL, IWA-WIDE REGIONALS -- $20,000

National Champion

Team Glug: Mr. Submission (IWL)
Colin M. Denlea of Georgia; 501; a plaque or 25 free matches; Dixie region

Atlantic Champion

FMR: Hired Assassin #1 (BBL)
"The Game" from Parts Unknown; 500

Central Champion

Creed Michaels (NWL)
Travis Larrabee of Pennsylvania; 499; edged LB: Dark Phoenix F.S. (ASL), Captain "Bud" Drunkenwasted (IWL), REV/IVHM: Michael Rose (BRL)

Eastern Champion

FMR: "The Condottiero" Micheletto Corella (BRL)
Anthony Fazio from Parts Unknown; 499; edged TSD: Brown Ninja (EHL), Rich Von Bruiser (IWL), Midnite Express: Sweet Sam Lane (MWL)

Mountain Champion

FMR: Hank Moody (IWL)
Anthony Fazio; 499; edged BLOOD: Hardrider III (NFL), REV/IVHM: Stevie Joe Stephenson (BRL)

Northern Champion

KDSN: QuickTrim Spokeswoman Kim Kardashian (TCL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 500

Pacific Champion

FMR: The Franchise Anthony Fazio (NDL)
Anthony Fazio; edged OMEGA: Vlad the Impaler (CLL), MWC: "Flamboyant" Johnny Stewart (FSL, missed title by point flow last time), REV: Rude Doodie (BRL), BLOOD: Bray Wyatt (HWL), REV: Booty McGhee (NWL)

Prairie Champion

FMR: Cosimo de'Medici (BRL)
Anthony Fazio; 500

Southern Champion

FMR: Lorenzo de'Medici (BRL)
Anthony Fazio; 499; edged VIRUS: Mongolian Rebel (AWL)

Western Champion

OMEGA: Genetic Freak Justin Stone (TCL)
Solomon Shaw of Maine; 499; edged EDGE: "Thug Life" SJ Perfect (FLL), LB: The Legendary Frank "Leatherman" Snow (BRL)

 

LADIES' TITLES

Ladies' World Champion

MWC: Woman of the Knight #1 (FFL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota; 499; $40,000 + a plaque or 15 free matches

Ladies' U.S. Champion

WC: Kacey Lee Valentine (MDL)
Michael D. Pepple of Massachusetts; $20,000; edged MWC: Woman of the Knight #2 (FFL)

Queen of the Ring

Nikki Blair
269 QotR total; edged MWC: Brandy Dirt (FFL), EDGE/JERKSS: Happy Girl (VVL)

Ladies' National Champion

TSD: Rachel "The Whale" Huntoon (MDL)
Jason Battaglia of New York; 501

Ladies' Tag-team Champions

Madison Wylde & Nikki Blair
Rob Bream of Pennsylvania

Ladies' U.S. Tag-team Champions

EDGE/JERKSS: Garbage Lady & Snowbird Beth (LLL)
Erik Davis of Washington

World Six-woman Champions

KDSN: Pregnant Kim, Masked Kourtney, Masked Khloe Kardashian (MDL)
Matt Yunick of New York; edged EDGE: Sarah Summers, Madison Wylde, Nikki Blair (LLL)

U.S. Six-woman Champions

TSC: Junebug, Mama, Gramma Jones (LLL)
Brent Wahr of Michigan

 

TAG-TEAM TITLES

World Tag-team Champions

MWC: Guy from Minnesota & Another Guy from Minnesota (JDL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota; retained titles; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

OMEGA: Warlock Typhoon & The Bodyguard (SGL)
Joshua Haight of Wisconsin; manager retained titles

OMEGA: Problem Solver Matt & The Situation Jackson Cross (CLL)
Solomon Shaw of Maine

Top Contenders

4. OMEGA: The Electrifying Enigma & Tough Terry Strawberry (FSL)

5. Alex & Axel Von Snapp (CWL)
ranked #6 last time
Western Medicine: Cowboy Jim Spur & Dr. Piledriver MD (BRL)
ranked #6 last time
Fatty the Butcher & Hot Stuff Adam Ca$h (MML)
ranked #9 last time
OMEGA: Still Bill Hill & Not Bill Hill (PKL)
last of the teams with 516

9. EDGE: Whitelightning's Warriors #1 & #2 (CSL)

10. TSD: Mighty Max & Jumpin' Johnny Stargunn (NDL)

U.S. Tag-team Champions

EDGE: Keith & Bruce Scott (CWL)
Jeff Annable of Canada; share of $20,000

OMEGA: Vlad the Impaler & The Basket Case Sid Skyscraper (CLL)
Solomon Shaw; 516; edged OMEGA: Kamikaze Kid & Prodigal Son (MML), EDGE/JERKSS: The News & The Backyard Brawler (NDL), HIGHER FLYERS: Graig Gagne & "Jumpin" Jim Brazil (BRL, missed titles by point flow last time)

 

SIX-MAN TITLES

World Six-man Champions

VIRUS/GCW: Mr. Johnson, Mr. Belcher, Cutthroat Max Blade (AWL)
Frank Jay Belcher III & Mitchell Johnson (Blade), both of Michigan; Belcher held titles 15 cycles in a row; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

EDGE: Mr. Kitty, Badguy Brody Ballistic, Goodguy Gordy Goodwood (TDL)
Rich Schwartzenburg of Canada

EDGE: "The Alliterating" Adam Aranovski, Hugh Jestpythons, Sunsout Gunsout (BRL)
"The Sledgehammer" Adam Sullivan of Canada

OMEGA: Bobby Digital, Genius, Skillz (OSL)
Rich Reilly of New Jersey

OMEGA: OMERTA, The Prime Mover, Vicer Exciser (KKL)
Ben West of Georgia

Top Contenders

6. OMEGA: Project Pat Sajak, "Wild" Braddock Vile, Godlike Johnny Phoenix (JDL)
ranked #3 last time
OMEGA: "Black" Jack Blackjack, Bob Cornelius the Indigo Father, The Joyful Plower (PKL)
ranked #9 last time

8. OMEGA: Marky Mark Karkovice, Steggie Reggie, Johnny Jay Jerusalem (XPL)
ranked #5 last time; last of the teams with 521

9. EDGE: Squirrelly, Curly, Whirly Hurley (NDL)

10. MWC: The Rockin' Redneck, The Scramblin' Hillbilly, Wayne "the Train" Bloom (QPL)

U.S. Six-man Champions

MWC: Hooded Soldiers I, II, III (FSL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota; $20,000; edged MWC: Foot Soldiers #1, #2, #3 (JDL), EDGE: Maniacal Mike Huckabee, Gorgeous Glenn Beck, Showtime Sean Hannity (IGL), VIRUS: King Dingaling, Starvin' Marvin, The Million Dollar Man Slick Rick (HWL), EDGE: "Y2B" Chris Babylon, CM Funk, Bryan Samuel (BRL), EDGE/JERKSS: The News, Dirt Bag Davis, The Backyard Brawler (NDL)

 

TOP 10 LEAGUES -- veteran leagues only

1. IWL (978 matches) 486.507

2. LWL (865 matches) 492.769

3. NBL (840 matches) 490.118

4. BRL (810 matches) 493.951
won the two matches for $1 cycle for having the highest average strategy total (counting only active wrestlers)

5. UWL (696 matches) 493.186

6. TDL (500 matches) 493.294

7. AWL (499 matches) 485.098

8. MML (436 matches) 492.914

9. ASL (400 matches) 492.925

10. CWL (362 matches) 493.393

 

TOP 20 MONEY HOLDERS -- active wrestlers only

1. Kaptain Kryptonite (NBL) $31,177,000

2. LPPF: Medieval Tymes (NAL) $21,818,700

3. "Mr. Powerful" Ken Lambeau (PKL) $21,137,000

4. LPPF: Innovator of Arrogance Keith A. Maple (GRL) $21,002,200

5. JL6: The Hooded Inmate (IML) $18,837,700

6. APO: Gypsy Rose Lee (ECL) $17,157,779

7. BLOOD: Mike Drake (HWL) $17,028,900

8. EDGE/DT: Mike White Lightning Moore (QPL) $15,994,400

9. DFI: American Freedom Fighter E.J. (SHL) $14,802,838

10. BLOOD: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (BRL) $14,534,100

11. LPPF: Bloody Assault Jessica Lee Richards (LLL) $14,373,200

12. TSD: The Survivor (ECL) $13,203,400

13. Arsenal (TDL) $13,129,500

14. TSD: King Krusher (ASL) $12,973,600

15. FMR: High Stakes Chris Edwards (IGL) $12,556,500

16. Johnny "2 Kold" Koolakowski (IGL) $12,060,000

17. EDGE: Motorheadbanger Annihilator (PAL) $10,620,800

18. Cpl. Punishment (LBL) $10,511,100

19. LPPF/FMR: Alpha Male (BRL) $10,414,000

20. NGAA: Hawkeye Science (NGL) $10,381,800

 

LIST OF LEAGUES

Iron Federation

Center Stage, Elite Action, Extreme Existence, Hardcore Wrestling, Iron Man, Main Event, Next Generation, Quantum Pro, Wrestling Superstars, Xtreme Poison

Steel Federation

Absolute Pain, American Wrestling, Eastern States Wrestling, Fighting Legends, Intense Impact, King of Kings, Last Man Standing, Mid-Atlantic Wrestling Legacy, New Blood, Old School, Unknown Wrestler, Vicious Valkyries

Gold Federation

All Star, Battle Royal, Blood Bath, Caliente Lucha, Continental Wrestling, Fighting Superstars, Independent Wrestling, Mexican Mayhem, Mystic Diva, National Wrestling, Ninja Dojo, Texas Death

Diamond Federation

American Bodyslam, Evil Clown, Femme Fatale, Fractured Jaw, Lethal Brawling, Lights Out, Night Falcon, Noble Savage, Non-stop Action, Rajun Cajun, Xtreme Wrestling

Bronze Federation

Alternate Existence, American Outlaw, Extreme Hardcore, Grim Reaper, Hot Streak, Iron Glove, Raging Bull, Soul Asylum, Total Chaos

Jade Federation

Atomic Age, Jade Dragon, Lone Wolf, Lovely Ladies, Primal Rage, Psychotic Killer, Pure Adrenaline, Smoking Gun, Super Hero, Wrestlers Elite

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