IWA REPORT
Vol. 19, No. 12 -- August 2014
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HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES -- engraved plaque

Nicholas Hill of Georgia

Classic: Matt Pittman (XPL) 1,116-375-120, $2,509,700 *35
Classic: "The Rebel Kid" T.J. Cattlett (XPL) 1,053-456-123, $2,854,300 *33

Blake Morgan of Mississippi

MC: The Ultimate Franchise (WEL) 2,088-538-24, $3,224,100 *1
This retiring member of the Morgan Crew began his tour of duty in the spring of 2010 in the Classic Wrestling League of the Gold Federation, and ended it in the Wrestlers Elite League of the Jade Federation. He modeled his career after his idol, the late, great Ultimate Warrior, and succeeded in achieving his goals.

 

WORLD, U.S., KING OF THE RING

World Champion

BLOOD: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (BRL)
"Dr. Pain" Mark Duchaine of Vermont; 501; $300,000 + 100 free matches or a real wrestling belt & 50 free matches

Out walks Sir Gunther Kinderwacht with an extra large IWA World title belt draped over his shoulder. The fans erupt into cheers as the massive German makes his way to the ring. Two hot blondes in bikinis follow him and hold the ropes open as the giant-sized superstar climbs the ring steps and enters the ring. He puts one king-sized fist in the air and calls for silence.

Gunther: "Guten Tag, IWA! It is your champion, Sir Gunther Kinderwacht, here today with my manager's fourth IWA World title belt! Over the last five cycles, I have dominated the BRL, one of the toughest leagues in the entire IWA, taking league three out of the last five cycles in a league where many people can't take one. It is with the greatest honor I take this World title back to the man who hired me and made me a star in the game. And I want all my young fans in the audience, all you little Kindersnots, to see me as a shining example of what your inferior DNA will never let you become (he flexes a huge muscle) -- but as a paragon and example of what you should aspire to.

"Now, I am not asking, I am demanding to be on the cover of the IWA Revolution magazine, because not only do I deserve it, but I am the face of the BRL. And if I hear one boo out of any of you idiots in the audience, I will squash you like a bug! I look around and I see these big stable wars -- everyone trying to catch EDGE with their army of wrestlers. (He spits.) Well, this year I told the stable wars where they can stick it. My manager continues to prove that skill is ALWAYS superior to numbers, so I want all of you wannabes to go home, and when you're snuggled up to your Pillow Pet tonight with your Hello Kitty nightlight, I want you to remember that BLOOD is thicker than water, and I sign this World title in a big, red X. Don't think too hard about what kind of example you are setting -- I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself." (He raises the World title high into the air and leaves with the ring girls.)

U.S. Champion

Clark Pierpont (CWL)
Andrew Konik of Michigan; 501; $60,000 + a plaque or 25 free matches; edged EDGE: Rampage Rush Limbaugh (IGL), OMEGA: Lord Gold Throneroom (AOL)

King of the Ring

OMEGA: Cool Hand Luke (WEL)
Solomon Shaw of Maine; a plaque or 25 free matches; 273 KotR total; edged OMEGA: The Death-Defying Daredevil (PRL); hold positions were 1, 5, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12, 14; battle royal hold positions were 2, 3, 4, 7, 9, 10, 13, 15

 

SPECIALTY TITLES -- $25,000 + 10 free matches

American Champion

BLOOD: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (BRL)
"Dr. Pain" Mark Duchaine of Vermont; 501

Asiatic Champion

EDGE: Typical Cat (NDL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada

Hardcore Champion

LPPF: Innovator of Arrogance Keith A. Maple (GRL)
Keith A. Maple of Ohio; 500

Metropolitan Champion

Fatty the Butcher (MML)
Matt Riley of Massachusetts; 499; 15 free matches

 

FEDERATION PLAY-OFFS -- $40,000 + 25 free matches

Iron Federation Champion

MEOW: Calvin Kat (IML)
Kay Ritchie of California; 501

Steel Federation Champion

OMEGA: The Abbot (OSL)
Rich Reilly of New Jersey; 499

Gold Federation Champion

BLOOD: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (BRL)
"Dr. Pain" Mark Duchaine of Vermont; 501; edged Dominant Dominic Barlow (CWL)

Diamond Federation Champion

TSD: Madman Mike Eaves (XWL)
Michael Eaves of Mississippi; edged EDGE: Drunken Rocket (FJL); manager's 17th career Diamond Federation title, 58th career Federation title

Bronze Federation Champion

OMEGA: Archibald Goldenrod (AOL)
Ben West of Georgia; 501; edged OMEGA: Irish Wolfhound Razor (AEL)

Jade Federation Champion

KDSN: Curvy Kimberly Kardashian (AAL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 500; edged TSD: "Dr. Death" Damien Destiny (SHL)

 

NATIONAL, IWA-WIDE REGIONALS -- $20,000

National Champion

OMEGA: Sadistic James Stone (WSL)
Central region; edged OMEGA: Master of the Double Cross Aaron Fleury (RBL)
OMEGA: The Warrior Duke (WSL)
Joshua Haight of Wisconsin; 501; a plaque or 25 free matches; Western region

Atlantic Champion

EDGE: Burly Hurley (NDL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada; 501

Dixie Champion

VIRUS: Swine Flu (IGL)
Frank Jay Belcher III of Michigan; 500; edged OMEGA: The Number Plumber (AOL)

Eastern Champion

The Great David (BRL)
Andrew Konik of Michigan; 500; edged EDGE: Cereal Killer Mikey Manson (TDL)

Mountain Champion

LPPF: Alpha Male (BRL)
Keith A. Maple of Ohio; 501; edged FMR: Hired Henchman #6 (TDL)

Northern Champion

OMEGA: Money Bags Rob Reilly (IGL)
Robert Reilly of New Jersey; 501

Pacific Champion

OMEGA: Testosterone Kid (IGL)
Robert Reilly; 500; edged MWC: "Flamboyant" Johnny Stewart (FSL)

Prairie Champion

OMEGA: The Famous One (SAL)
Joshua Haight; 500; edged TSD: Loose Cannon (SHL), FMR: Corporal Damon Baird (TCL), PLP: Bonita La Belle (EAL), VIRUS: Cactus Sac (GRL), APO: R.U. Ready (MML)

Southern Champion

EDGE: Kid D. Licious (SAL)
"The Sledgehammer" Adam Sullivan of Canada; 500

 

LADIES' TITLES

Ladies' World Champion

EDGE/JERKSS: Scary Lady (LLL)
Erik Davis of Washington; 499; $40,000 + a plaque or 15 free matches

Ladies' U.S. Champion

BLOOD: "Poor White Trash" Patty Jewels (LLL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; 499; $20,000

Queen of the Ring

EDGE/JERKSS: Girl (FFL)
Erik Davis; 266 QotR total

Ladies' National Champion

KDSN: Nutritionist Kathy Kaehler (MDL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 499

Ladies' Tag-team Champions

EDGE/JERKSS: Garbage Lady & Snowbird Beth (LLL)
Erik Davis; 516

Ladies' U.S. Tag-team Champions

BLOOD: "Sick-As-*&#!" Alexis & "Sweet-As-Sugar" Stephanie Diamond (LLL)
Anthony Dudick

World Six-woman Champions

BLOOD: "Ruthless" Rachel Rage, "Heartless" Heather Havoc, "Merciless" Mandy Mayhem (LLL)
Anthony Dudick; 521

U.S. Six-woman Champions

LPPF: The Beautiful Ones (LLL)
Keith A. Maple of Ohio (Jamie Szantyr, Lauren Williams, Ashley Cabot); missed titles by point flow last time

 

TAG-TEAM TITLES

World Tag-team Champions

OMEGA: "Velvet Thunder" Robbie & "Heavy Artillery" Ronnie Rook (XPL)
Ben West of Georgia; manager retained titles; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

OMEGA: Justin West & Hitman Tom (WSL)
Joshua Haight of Wisconsin

MWC: Guy from Minnesota & Another Guy from Minnesota (JDL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota

Top Contenders

4. OMEGA/MVP: El Hijo del Padre & Superbizmark the Third (AEL)
ranked #4 last time

5. EDGE: Very Grappler! & Such Wrestler! (NBL)

6. OMEGA: Gorgeous George Slaughter & "Man of a Million Selfies" Connor DeVane (RBL)
Alex & Axel Von Snapp (CWL)
Western Medicine: Cowboy Jim Spur & Dr. Piledriver MD (BRL)

9. Fatty the Butcher & Hot Stuff Adam Ca$h (MML)

10. OMEGA: The Red Tornado & Super Sapphire (AOL)
ranked #5 last time

11. BLOOD: Austin Aries & VIRUS: The Killer Kangaroo (HWL)
BLOOD: "Blood Junkie" Jason Overkill & "Sunset Slasher" Sam Slaughter (HSL)

13. FMR: Corporal Damon Baird & Private Augustus Cole (TCL)
ranked #10 last time

14. OMEGA: Twisted & Mr. Money Bags (SAL)
ranked #7 last time; last of the teams with 516

U.S. Tag-team Champions

EDGE: Jonathan Taylor Thomas & Mark-Paul Gosselaar (PKL)
"The Sledgehammer" Adam Sullivan of Canada; 516; $20,000; edged EDGE/JERKSS: Car & Truck (TCL), OMEGA: The Grappler & Franchise Devon Gold (WSL), HIGHER FLYERS: Graig Gagne & "Jumpin" Jim Brazil (BRL), OMEGA: Lord Gold Throneroom & Archibald Goldenrod (AOL), FMR: Death Dealer DeAngelo & Sugar Shane Damage (SAL)

 

SIX-MAN TITLES

World Six-man Champions

VIRUS: Gastroenteritis, Trichomoniasis, Encephalitis (SHL)
VIRUS: Pneumonia, CNS Symptoms, HTNV (SGL)
Frank Jay Belcher III of Michigan; manager held titles 14 cycles in a row; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

Top Contenders

3. LPPF: Arrogance Rising, Demonic Dudes Lucifer Ace, Samhain Douglas (GRL)
ranked #9 last time
OMEGA: Project Pat Sajak, "Wild" Braddock Vile, Godlike Johnny Phoenix (JDL)

5. OMEGA: Marky Mark Karkovice, Steggie Reggie, Johnny Jay Jerusalem (XPL)

6. VIRUS: HIV, AIDS, Swine Flu (IGL)

7. OMEGA: Disturbing Ambulance Chaser Ron Zombie, The Monster of Florence, Beautiful Johnny Disaster (RBL)
OMEGA: The Number Plumber, The Argyle Gargoyle's Purple Majesty, "Big Business" Ed Edge (AOL)
last of the teams with 521

9. OMEGA: "Black" Jack Blackjack, Bob Cornelius the Indigo Father, The Joyful Plower (PKL)
MWC: Commissioner's Bodyguard, Commissioner Lenny Finkle, "Mean" Mike Enos (QPL)

U.S. Six-man Champions

VIRUS: Mumps, Polio, Parvo (SHL)
Frank Jay Belcher III; 521; $20,000; edged VIRUS: Yellow Fever, Spanish Flu, Chlamydia (IGL)

 

TOP 10 LEAGUES -- veteran leagues only

1. NAL (1,280 matches) 491.010

2. IWL (1,084 matches) 488.629

3. NBL (1,043 matches) 492.090

4. LWL (860 matches) 491.593

5. UWL (768 matches) 490.294

6. MML (550 matches) 491.875

7. BRL (534 matches) 493.111

8. AWL (443 matches) 483.143

9. FSL (441 matches) 486.793

10. TDL (360 matches) 493.429
won the two matches for $1 cycle for having the highest average strategy total (counting only active wrestlers)

 

TOP 20 VICTORIES -- active wrestlers only

1. "Mr. Powerful" Ken Lambeau (PKL) 16,800-1,962-471

2. Arsenal (TDL) 9,979-945-241

3. APO: Gypsy Rose Lee (ECL) 9,450-1,836-547

4. BLOOD: Mike Drake (HWL) 8,746-812-221

5. Johnny "2 Kold" Koolakowski (IGL) 8,557-240-65

6. JL6: The Hooded Inmate (IML) 7,986-1,417-266

7. EDGE/DT: Mike White Lightning Moore (QPL) 7,174-1,725-333

8. Cpl. Punishment (LBL) 7,152-442-121

9. LPPF: Innovator of Arrogance Keith A. Maple (GRL) 6,921-549-160

10. BLOOD: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (BRL) 6,682-648-159

11. FMR: High Stakes Chris Edwards (IGL) 6,466-1,737-178

12. Kaptain Kryptonite (NBL) 6,222-987-397

13. ROW: Special Agent B.M.F. (EAL) 6,020-1,542-345

14. TSD: "ECL Iron Man" the Survivor (ECL) 5,326-1,240-252

15. LPPF: Medieval Tymes (NAL) 5,240-663-122

16. DFI: American Freedom Fighter E.J. (SHL) 5,166-828-256

17. wWw: Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink (ECL) 5,089-1,165-207

18. PAIN: Dragon Tzu (AAL) 4,933-2,017-439

19. PAIN: Manitou (AAL) 4,889-1,964-416

20. Death Warrant (MML) 4,840-376-83

 

LIST OF LEAGUES

Iron Federation

Center Stage, Elite Action, Extreme Existence, Hardcore Wrestling, Iron Man, Main Event, Next Generation, Quantum Pro, Wrestling Superstars, Xtreme Poison

Steel Federation

Absolute Pain, American Wrestling, Eastern States Wrestling, Fighting Legends, Intense Impact, King of Kings, Last Man Standing, Mid-Atlantic Wrestling Legacy, New Blood, Old School, Unknown Wrestler, Vicious Valkyries

Gold Federation

All Star, Battle Royal, Blood Bath, Caliente Lucha, Continental Wrestling, Fighting Superstars, Independent Wrestling, Mexican Mayhem, Mystic Diva, National Wrestling, Ninja Dojo, Texas Death

Diamond Federation

American Bodyslam, Evil Clown, Femme Fatale, Fractured Jaw, Lethal Brawling, Lights Out, Night Falcon, Noble Savage, Non-stop Action, Rajun Cajun, Xtreme Wrestling

Bronze Federation

Alternate Existence, American Outlaw, Extreme Hardcore, Grim Reaper, Hot Streak, Iron Glove, Raging Bull, Soul Asylum, Total Chaos, World Championship

Jade Federation

Atomic Age, Jade Dragon, Lone Wolf, Lovely Ladies, Primal Rage, Psychotic Killer, Pure Adrenaline, Smoking Gun, Super Hero, Wrestlers Elite

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