IWA REPORT
Vol. 19, No. 10 -- July 2014
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HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES -- engraved plaque

Chester Wright of Michigan

SAP: Donta' "Lizard" Wright (ASL) 1,145-339-97, $2,239,300 *29

 

WORLD, U.S., KING OF THE RING

World Champion

OMEGA: Cardiac Arrest (CLL)
Solomon Shaw of Maine; 501; $300,000 + 100 free matches or a real wrestling belt & 50 free matches

Jimbo Hoss: Ladies and gentlemen, the HARDCORE LEGEND that is CARDIAC ARREST has finally realized his dream and become the IWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!

Donald Finkle: The winner of this bout and NEW IWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, CARDIAC ARREST!!!

(The Straight Edge Savior grabs the belt from the timekeeper's table, then walks up the ring steps and climbs into the ring. The camera pans ringside to the VIP section of the Mighty OMEGA. Conspicuous by their absence, there are seven empty seats, with Ben West being the only member in attendance. The crowd chants for the new champion, "YOU DESERVE IT." Straight Edge Savior says a few words in this moment to Cardiac, then puts the belt around his waist.)

Jerry Brawler: You know, Jimbo, something seems amiss with OMEGA lately; we've only seen the Straight Edge Savior and Ben West. These two men, however, in recent months have dominated with four -- count them, FOUR -- World Heavyweight Champions!

Jimbo Hoss: With the rest of OMEGA seemingly MIA, my question is, what do these two masterminds have planned?

(The Straight Edge Savior grabs the house microphone from Donald Finkle and stands beside the new World Champion.)

Straight Edge Savior: First off, let me say, CARDIAC, I've always believed in you from day one and -- spoiler alert -- I knew one day you would be WORLD CHAMPION! (Cardiac Arrest breaks character for a moment as Straight Edge Savior extends his hand and then hugs the hardcore legend.) Now, I know Cardiac isn't big into this type of thing, so on to the business at hand. I'm sure you've noticed the absence of several of my associates. That is because Mr. West and I have taken it upon ourselves to move on to PLAN B. We have a goal to not only dominate, but also destroy EDGE, and we will not rest until we do just that. I used to roll with EDGE back in the day, and they've become what they've always said they wouldn't. I mean, just look around; OPEN YOUR EYES! No one seems to care as they just go through the motions. Well, WE CARE. Someone needs to put an end to this outdated DINOSAUR, and we say that it will be the Mighty OMEGA! We've seen the cracks in your armor with just two of us, and that is why we have begun a search for NEW associates, superstars, talents, brothers, hired guns, or anyone else that wants to put an end to this EVIL DOMINION! This is an unprecedented move in this game, and unconventional to say the least, but let's face it -- we are anything but conventional. They say that fate favors the bold. That is why we are offering a chance for YOU to become a GAME CHANGER. Contact us in any league where you see our initials. This is only the BEGINNING... TRUST ME!!!

(Cardiac Arrest's theme music, "Nightmare" by Avenged Sevenfold, kicks up over the P.A. system. Straight Edge Savior applauds OMEGA's new champion. A few signs that can be seen at ringside are, "OMEGA fights for TRUTH, JUSTICE, and the AMERICAN WAY!"; "EDGE FEARS OMEGA, BEN IS BEAUTIFUL"; and, "OUR SAVIOR IS THE STRAIGHT EDGE SAVIOR.")

Jerry Brawler: Who will be the first to join the cause? That's my question, Jimbo.

Jimbo Hoss: I'm sure these two have an ACE up their sleave. We'll just have to wait and see. These men are facing overwhelming odds, indeed, but you can't help but root for the underdog. I'm afraid that's all the time we have tonight. Good night, ladies and gentlemen.

(The cameras slowly fade out to a commercial.)

U.S. Champion

BLOOD: "Hatchet-Face" Victor Crowley (HSL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; 501; $60,000 + a plaque or 25 free matches

King of the Ring

BLOOD/NYB: Bloodlined Calligraphy (PAL)
Anthony Dudick; a plaque or 25 free matches; 275 KotR total; hold positions were 2, 5, 7, 8, 9, 11, 12, 14; battle royal hold positions were 1, 3, 4, 6, 8, 10, 13, 15

 

SPECIALTY TITLES -- $25,000 + 10 free matches

American Champion

EDGE: Clyde Cozworth (ASL)
Rich Schwartzenburg of Canada; 500; edged TSD: Sir Dancealot (AAL)

Asiatic Champion

EDGE: Brett Alexander (CSL)
Rob Bream of Pennsylvania; 500

Hardcore Champion

EDGE/JERKSS: The Kinda Great Guz (LSL)
Erik Davis of Washington; 500; edged BLOOD: Wonderful Wally Brown (GRL)

Metropolitan Champion

MWC: Pit Boss (NAL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota; 499; 10 free matches; edged Antler Jones (LWL)

 

FEDERATION PLAY-OFFS -- $40,000 + 25 free matches

Iron Federation Champion

EDGE/BBQ: Arthur Bryant (NGL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada; 501; edged TSD: Mobster Nick Santilla (MIL)

Steel Federation Champion

EDGE/JERKSS: The Kinda Great Guz (LSL)
Erik Davis of Washington; 500; edged LPPF: Hybrid (OSL), EDGE: Felony Stalker (IIL), MWC: Jake "The Milkman" Milliman (MRL)

Gold Federation Champion

OMEGA: Cardiac Arrest (CLL)
Solomon Shaw of Maine; manager retained title; 501

Diamond Federation Champion

TSD: Envy (NSL)
Michael Giuliano of Connecticut; 500

Bronze Federation Champion

BLOOD: Wonderful Wally Brown (GRL)
"Dr. Pain" Mark Duchaine of Vermont; 500

Jade Federation Champion

INK: The Miz (WWL)
John Gabriel of Pennsylvania; 501

 

NATIONAL, IWA-WIDE REGIONALS -- $20,000

National Champion

TSD: Mystery Masked Man #4 (NBL)
Michael Giuliano of Connecticut; 501; a plaque or 25 free matches; Northern region

Atlantic Champion

ROT: West Side Killa (MML)
Rich Reilly of New Jersey; 500

Central Champion

The Moroccan Prince Yusef Hassan (IWL)
Ryan Patrick of Michigan; 500; edged VIRUS: Influenza (IGL)

Dixie Champion

TSD: El Diablo Blanco (MIL)
Jason Battaglia of New York; 500

Eastern Champion

OMEGA: "Electric Avenue" Stan Van Horn (KKL)
Ben West of Georgia; 500

Mountain Champion

KDSN: Kim's Baby Nori West (NBL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 500

Pacific Champion

OMEGA: Odyssey Oz Baker (RCL)
Solomon Shaw of Maine; edged BLOOD: Powerhouse Pete Stryker (PKL), LPPF/BOTB: Conjoined Twin - Ted (NAL), OMEGA: Vlad the Impaler (CLL)

Prairie Champion

EDGE/JERKSS: The Desperate One (LSL)
Erik Davis of Washington; 500

Southern Champion

Sultan of Swing Bobby Beauty (AOL)
Chris Capps of South Carolina; 500; edged TSD: "Dr. Death" Redrum Destiny (NBL)

Western Champion

EDGE: Bayou Hazard Bubba Lou Bayou (MML)
Rich Schwartzenburg of Canada; 500

 

LADIES' TITLES

Ladies' World Champion

EDGE: The Hulkster Heather Hogan (MDL)
"The Immortal" Shareef Johnson of New Jersey; manager retained title; 499; $40,000 + a plaque or 15 free matches; edged EDGE/JERKSS: Sad Girl

Ladies' U.S. Champion

EDGE/JERKSS: Snow Princess Stephanie (LLL)
Erik Davis of Washington; $20,000

Queen of the Ring

MWC: Brandy Dirt (FFL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota; 271 QotR total

Ladies' National Champion

EDGE: Dreamgirl Dana Powers (VVL)
Shareef Johnson; manager held title 4 cycles in a row; 500

Ladies' Tag-team Champions

EDGE/JERKSS: Glad & Mad Girls (VVL)
Erik Davis; retained titles; edged MWC: Women of the Knight #1 & #2 (FFL)

Ladies' U.S. Tag-team Champions

BURN: Sarah Michelle Gellar & Faith (FFL)
Francis Guy of Massachusetts

World Six-woman Champions

MWC: "Ego Maniac" Michelle Sleaves, "Drama Queen" Kendra Maplewood, "Little Lost Puppy" Toni Adud (FFL)
Steven M. Shotliff; 521; edged Glad, Sad, Mad Girls

U.S. Six-woman Champions

WC: Curvaceous Carrie Westcott, Knockout Kelly Bundy, Kacey Lee Valentine (MDL)
Michael D. Pepple of Massachusetts

 

TAG-TEAM TITLES

World Tag-team Champions

MWC: Smasher & Basher (GRL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota; ranked #5 last time; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

TSD: "The Bean Town Thriller" Albert DeSalvo & "The Mad Dog" David Berkowitz (NBL)
Michael Giuliano of Connecticut

Top Contenders

3. LOVE: Jerry the Butler & PAIN: Rock N Roll Cowboy Colt Young (ECL)
ranked #12 last time

4. LPPF/BWE: Money Hungry Bandit James A. Brisco & The Entrepreneur Benjamin C. Washington (NAL)

5. EDGE: The Orphan & Deadweight (PAL)
OMEGA: "Funky" Drake Jenkins & Odyssey Oz Baker (JDL)
last of the teams with 516

7. APO/CB: Skull Crusher & Rock Crusher (AWL)

8. VIRUS: Insane Warrior & Crazy Warrior (ABL)

9. BLOOD: Paul "The Butcher" & "Mad Dog" Maurice Duchaine (MRL)

10. OMEGA: Ultra Mantaur & "Electric Avenue" Stan Van Horn (KKL)
OMEGA: "Fed Too Much" Beef Zapada & TREE HOUSE/OMEGA: Gigantic Rubber Hose (HWL)
wWw: "Bullet Proof" Danny Able & Jack Pollock (APL)

U.S. Tag-team Champions

TSD: Sloth & Gluttony (SHL)
Michael Giuliano; 516; $20,000; edged EDGE: Notorious Neal Page & Devious Del Griffith (NSL), LPPF: Irrelevant Nobodies (You & Him) (GRL), LPPF/BOTB: Conjoined Twins - Ned & Ted (NAL), DICE: The Maronite Mauler & PAIN: Primetime Awesome Austin Young (ECL)

 

SIX-MAN TITLES

World Six-man Champions

VIRUS: Bacteria, Rabies, The Dead Bodyman (SHL)
Frank Jay Belcher III of Michigan; manager held titles 12 cycles in a row; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

EDGE: The Angel of Death, The Blue Knight, The Bone Knight (WSL)
Mike Dorsett of New York

LPPF/BWE: Money Hungry Bandit James A. Brisco, The Entrepreneur Benjamin C. Washington, Jack of All Trades Billy D. Frazier (NAL)
Keith A. Maple of Ohio

BLOOD: "One-Eyed" Ben, "Three-Finger" Robert, "Saw-Tooth" John Odets (HSL)
Anthony Dudick of New York

Top Contenders

5. OMEGA: The Sinner, Straight Edge Warrior, Streetwise Hercules (WEL)
last of the teams with 521

6. EDGE: Maarten, Dirk, Hans van der Sloot (PAL)

7. OMEGA: Cardiac Arrest, The War Machine, Prehistoric Beast (RCL)
ranked #7 last time
VIRUS: Meningitis, Scabies, Viral Infection (SGL)
EDGE: "Y2B" Chris Babylon, Bryan Samuel, CM Funk (SAL)
EDGE: Mr. Orange, Mr. Pink, Mr. Brown (AEL)

U.S. Six-man Champions

VIRUS: Mumps, Polio, Parvo (SHL)
Frank Jay Belcher III; share of $20,000

MWC: Ooohhhwwweee, The Masked All Star, "The Stunning One" Steven M. Shotliff (NAL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota; 521

 

TOP 10 LEAGUES -- veteran leagues only

1. NAL (3,237 matches) 490.860
set a new record for the most matches played in a single cycle, beating the NWL's record of 2,852

2. IWL (899 matches) 486.226

3. LWL (859 matches) 492.074

4. BRL (771 matches) 491.190

5. UWL (737 matches) 488.000

6. NBL (715 matches) 492.631
won the two matches for $1 cycle for having the highest average strategy total (counting only active wrestlers)

7. AWL (613 matches) 481.746

8. FSL (431 matches) 484.805

9. XPL (402 matches) 490.880

10. TDL (387 matches) 492.608

 

TOP 20 MONEY HOLDERS -- active wrestlers only

1. Kaptain Kryptonite (NBL) $30,338,900

2. LPPF: Medieval Tymes (NAL) $21,499,900

3. "Mr. Powerful" Ken Lambeau (PKL) $20,975,600

4. LPPF/RUNXT: Innovator of Arrogance Keith A. Maple (XPL) $20,833,700

5. JL6: The Hooded Inmate (IML) $18,691,900

6. APO: Gypsy Rose Lee (ECL) $16,879,679

7. BLOOD: Mike Drake (HWL) $16,630,500

8. EDGE/DT: Mike White Lightning Moore (QPL) $15,985,700

9. DFI: American Freedom Fighter E.J. (SHL) $14,706,038

10. BLOOD: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (BRL) $14,083,800

11. LPPF: Bloody Assault Jessica Lee Richards (LLL) $13,919,700

12. TSD: "ECL Iron Man" the Survivor (ECL) $13,133,400

13. Arsenal (TDL) $12,936,100

14. TSD: King Krusher (ASL) $12,910,600

15. ROW: Special Agent B.M.F. (EAL) $12,621,200

16. TREEHOUSE: High Stakes Chris Edwards (IGL) $12,382,900

17. Johnny "2 Kold" Koolakowski (IGL) $11,946,100

18. EDGE: Motorheadbanger Annihilator (PAL) $10,572,600

19. Cpl. Punishment (LBL) $10,340,200

20. LPPF: Alpha Male (NBL) $10,328,500

 

LIST OF LEAGUES

Iron Federation

Center Stage, Elite Action, Extreme Existence, Hardcore Wrestling, Iron Man, Murder Incorporated, Next Generation, Quantum Pro, Wrestling Superstars, Xtreme Poison

Steel Federation

Absolute Pain, American Wrestling, Eastern States Wrestling, Fighting Legends, Intense Impact, King of Kings, Last Man Standing, Mid-Atlantic Region, New Blood, Old School, Unknown Wrestler, Vicious Valkyries

Gold Federation

All Star, Battle Royal, Blood Bath, Caliente Lucha, Continental Wrestling, Fighting Superstars, Independent Wrestling, Mexican Mayhem, Mystic Diva, National Wrestling, Ninja Dojo, Texas Death

Diamond Federation

American Bodyslam, Evil Clown, Femme Fatale, Fractured Jaw, Lethal Brawling, Lights Out, Night Falcon, Noble Savage, Non-stop Action, Rajun Cajun, Xtreme Wrestling, Young Guns

Bronze Federation

American Empire, American Outlaw, Extreme Hardcore, Grim Reaper, Hot Streak, Iron Glove, Raging Bull, Soul Asylum, Total Chaos, World Championship

Jade Federation

Atomic Age, Jade Dragon, Lone Wolf, Lovely Ladies, Primal Rage, Psychotic Killer, Pure Adrenaline, Smoking Gun, Super Hero, World Wrestling, Wrestlers Elite

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