IWA REPORT
Vol. 18, No. 3 -- February 2013
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JOHNNY B SAYS

From time to time, we allow wrestlers to remove losses from their records in exchange for some of their imaginary money. We're making the option available again this coming cycle, but have unfortunately been forced to raise the fee to $25,000 per loss due to imaginary inflation. The good news is that we are now allowing you to drop up to 20 losses per wrestler!

To take advantage of this opportunity, neatly print the following on a piece of paper: "Drop 20 losses from my wrestler, ID #123" (choose from 1 to 20 losses, and use your wrestler's ID number instead of 123). Separate the request from your trash talk by skipping some space, and include the paper with your league matches. You may deduct losses from as many of your wrestlers as you wish, but each must have the necessary funds. (Keep in mind that removing the maximum of 20 losses will cost your wrestler $500,000 in imaginary earnings.)

 

HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES -- engraved plaque

Oliver Storz of Germany

CORE: Ichigo Kurosaki (JDL) 1,262-119-41, $2,327,000 *26
CORE: Toshiro Hitsugaya (JDL) 1,134-119-35, $2,164,100 *20
CORE: Renji Abarai (JDL) 1,048-108-21, $2,102,300 *20
CORE: Binky the Bionic Bumblebee (JDL) 1,016-93-36, $1,690,700 *28

Jim "Hellwig" Gabbard from Parts Unknown

EDGE: "Afro" Joe Jackson (BRL) 1,002-312-38, $2,039,500 *11
EDGE: "Blunt Force Trauma's" Vice (BRL) 1,067-121-22, $2,594,700 *39
EDGE: Liberty City Legend B.J. Justice (RBL) 1,018-58-39, $1,704,400 *41
EDGE: Fireball Mike McMaster (RBL) 1,023-104-38, $2,777,800 *30
EDGE: Black Lightning George Jefferson (RBL) 1,052-91-30, $2,702,300 *32
EDGE: Sheik Adnan Al-Bundy (RBL) 1,033-101-44, $1,840,100 *43

Blake Morgan and Gary Cassibry, Sr., both of Mississippi

MC: The Cajun King (WEL) 2,066-1,126-8, $2,533,900
The Royal Majesty from the Mississippi Gulf Coast started his career in the Chicago Legends League of the Gold Federation back in Fall of 2007, and ended it in the Wrestlers Elite League of the Jade Federation.

John Lala of California

JL6: Mean Mad Mike Rogers (RBL) 1,028-390-56, $3,408,400 *32
After 11 years in the IWA, MMM Rogers of Concord, California, has finished his parole and decided to retire from the ring to start a new life as a free man. He is leaving Concord and moving on to his next stage in life without crime. Mike has won 115 titles combined, including 5 league titles, 50 regional titles, and 55 tag and six-man titles -- nearly all of which he secured with the help of his long-time partner, "Godfather" SCOE-B#6. For the past 4 1/2 years, he has resided in the RBL, winning 3 league titles in his first 4 cycles there. He was also the league's first-ever Commissioner's Heavyweight Champion and King of the Ring. We wish him the best of luck in all his future endeavors.

Chris Osteen of North Carolina

RAOV: Madison Parker (TDL) 1,130-121-26, $1,675,100 *13
At the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California, Johnny B is standing on a stage at half court.

Johnny B: "I'm here to induct a tough, little lady from Hungary into the Hall of Fame. So, please give it up for Madison Parker!"

"Make It in America" by Victoria Justice plays over the P.A. system. Madison walks out wearing black, open toe high heels and a black mini dress, and her long, raven black hair with orange streaks is pulled into a ponytail. Johnny B hugs her and hands her an IWA Hall of Fame plaque.

Madison: "Thank you, Johnny. It's still hard to believe that I started off as a cheerleader for my husband's stable, the BMP, back in the EPL. Then I went to the MDL, where I won many titles, including the MDL belt twice. I am also an IWA Queen of the Ring, but the biggest success for me was in the TDL, where in the same cycle I won the Texas Heavyweight Championship and the Amazon belt. I really hate to retire and leave the IWA, but I'm so happy I'm pregnant with my first child, and I want to be a stay-at-home mom. So, to all my fans and my friends in RAOV, I love you and I will miss you."

The fans chant, "Madison!" as she and her husband, Brom Bones, leave.

 

WORLD, U.S., KING OF THE RING

World Champion

EDGE: Koichi Buttercorn (PKL)
Ben West of Georgia; 501; $300,000 + 100 free matches or a real wrestling belt & 50 free matches

We are live at the IWA award ceremony. All the winners from this past cycle are here receiving their cash prizes, trophies, belts, etc. At the end of the night, there is one final award to give away: the IWA World Championship. Johnny B is at the podium: "Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you the newest IWA World Champion -- Koichi Buttercorn!" The crowd begins to applaud... but Koichi seems to be absent. Johnny B is beginning to sweat, as this was not expected. Who wouldn't show up to receive the IWA's highest honor?

To the horror of the fans in the audience, out comes -- straight from the Lone Wolf League -- the Foreign Legion! Led by the evil Ali Atari and followed by his minions Akira Togawa, Arik Von Umlaut, and Johnny Canuck, they approach the noticeably nervous Johnny B. Atari walks straight up to him and grabs the IWA World Championship. He's finally holding the title he's been dreaming of. The fans shower the Foreign Legion with boos. Togawa is holding Johnny B as a hostage, preventing security from making a move.

But then, out of nowhere, "Daring" Dax Janus, who has climbed the giant IWA logo on the side of the stage, pounces onto Canuck and Von Umlaut from high in the air. Barkley Steele rushes the stage and superkicks Togawa, freeing Johnny B in the process. Ali Atari is looking to escape, but runs right into "Ghetto Sexy" Afrodiziac Jones! Afrodiziac tackles him and lands a few punishing blows before Atari squirms away and escapes to the back. The Penalty Box trio have freed Johnny B, who thanks them profusely. Koichi Buttercorn stumbles through the curtain, obviously the victim of a beating at the hands of the Foreign Legion. Johnny B hands Koichi his World title belt, and the five men celebrate, and all is right in the world once again!

U.S. Champion

RED/PBOX: Barkley Steele (LWL)
Jake Duvall of Georgia; 501; $60,000 + a plaque or 25 free matches

King of the Ring

INK: Yellow Ninja (EHL)
Michael Eaves of Mississippi; manager retained title; 500; a plaque or 25 free matches; 273 KotR total; edged INK: "The Bull" Blake Anderson (MEL; lesser overall total); hold positions were 1, 2, 5, 8, 9, 11, 12, 15; battle royal hold positions were 1, 3, 4, 6, 7, 10, 13, 14; manager's 11th career King of the Ring title

 

SPECIALTY TITLES -- $25,000 + 10 free matches

American Champion

KDSN: Lousy Cheerleader Kris Jenner (AAL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 499; edged INK: Neal C. Kendall (ASL), EDGE: Shareef Johnson's Bodyguard #1 (OSL)

Asiatic Champion

MWC: Degenerate Gambler (JDL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota; 500; edged INK: "Hatchet-Face" Victor Crowley (MEL)

Hardcore Champion

EDGE: Koichi Buttercorn (PKL)
Ben West of Georgia; 501

Metropolitan Champion

EDGE/PBOX: "Daring" Dax Janus (LWL)
Ben West; 499; 10 free matches

 

FEDERATION PLAY-OFFS -- $40,000 + 25 free matches

Iron Federation Champion

MWC: Commissioner Lenny Finkle (QPL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota; 501

Steel Federation Champion

HAZ-Inc/SS: "Maniac" Mark McClain (ESL)
Randy Barnes of Arizona; 500

Gold Federation Champion

EMPIRE: "Triple X" Extreme Xavier Ximenez (BOL)
Ryan Patrick of Michigan; 500

Diamond Federation Champion

INK: The Ruthless One (XWL)
Joshua Haight of Wisconsin; 500

Bronze Federation Champion

INK: "Hatchet-Face" Victor Crowley (MEL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; 500

Jade Federation Champion

EDGE: Koichi Buttercorn (PKL)
Ben West of Georgia; 501

 

NATIONAL, IWA-WIDE REGIONALS -- $20,000

National Champion

INK: Yellow Ninja (EHL)
Michael Eaves of Mississippi; 500; a plaque or 25 free matches; Dixie region; manager's 8th career National title

Atlantic Champion

KDSN: W Magazine's Editor & Photographer (TDL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 500; edged CHP: Strangler (AWL), Classic: Cactus Jake (MRL), MWC: Hooded Soldier I (FSL)

Central Champion

INK: Dangerously Hardcore (APL)
Mike Carver of Pennsylvania; 499; edged CHP: Monkey Juice (AWL)

Eastern Champion

GTA: "El Jefe" Hector Martinez (UEL)
Erik G. Bugg of Virginia; edged EDGE: "Sugar" Shannon Brown (EAL), Junkyard (XPL), Celtic Warrior (MML), INK: Powerhouse Pete Stryker (MIL), Jack Cannon (BBL)

Mountain Champion

EDGE: Dudley Gruesome (WEL)
Geoff Silva of Massachusetts; 499

Northern Champion

Socrates (OTL)
"The Game" from Parts Unknown; manager retained title; 499; edged END: "Caged Xplosion" Andrei Arlovski (NDL), EDGE/HYDRA: Super Human Foot Soldier #1 (CCL), ICP: Spanish Flu (PAL), INK/TSD: Plague Dog Skumm (APL)

Pacific Champion

TSD/INK: Patriot (LSL)
Joshua Haight of Wisconsin; 499

Prairie Champion

RAR: Icon (BRL)
Kevin Elrod of Ohio; edged DONE: Shag Thomas (XPL)

Southern Champion

EDGE: Galaxia R2 (HWL)
Jim "Hellwig" Gabbard from Parts Unknown; 499

Western Champion

EDGE: Ollis Rage (JDL)
Mike Dorsett of New York; 500; entered due to an in-league error; edged Smokey (TDL), Classic: Tojo Yamamacko (MRL)

 

LADIES' TITLES

Ladies' World Champion

EDGE: That 80's Chick (VVL)
"The Immortal" Shareef Johnson of New Jersey; 499; $40,000 + a plaque or 15 free matches

Ladies' U.S. Champion

EDGE: Bonecrusher Bonnie Powers (VVL)
Shareef Johnson; 499; $20,000

Queen of the Ring

WC: Knockout Kelly Bundy (MDL)
Michael D. Pepple of Massachusetts; 270 QotR total

Ladies' National Champion

EDGE: Big Lady (LLL)
Erik Davis of Washington; 499

Ladies' Tag-team Champions

EDGE: Awesome Angela & Bonnie Powers
Shareef Johnson; 516

Ladies' U.S. Tag-team Champions

Violent Beauregarde & Violent Bickerstaff (VVL)
Jim Forystek of California

World Six-woman Champions

EDGE/PBOX: The 500 Pound Girl Scout, Olga the Hungarian, A Chick Named Chuck (FFL)
Peter Houston of Canada; edged EDGE: That 70's Chick, That 80's Chick, That 90's Chick

U.S. Six-woman Champions

INK: "Merciless" Mandy Mayhem, "Heartless" Heather Havoc, "Ruthless" Rachel Rage (VVL)
Anthony Dudick of New York

 

TAG-TEAM TITLES

World Tag-team Champions

INK/NYB: Chimaira & Straight Line Stitch (FSL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; ranked #7 last time, #6 before that; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

Loaded Rick Riley & The Creation Chris Magnum (BRL)
Matt Riley of Massachusetts & Chris Capps of South Carolina; ranked #3 last time

EDGE: Nikerov "The Nightmare" & Bobby "The Bear" Barishnakov (NDL)
Mike Dorsett of New York

EDGE: Vietnam Cafe & Westport Flea Market (CWL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada

Top Contenders

5. Hot $tuff Adam Ca$h & Fatty the Butcher (EPL)

6. INK/NYB: Burnt Out Brawlers #4 & #5 (HWL)

7. EDGE: Anthony S. Spivey & Cracker Jack Black (TDL)

8. TSD: "The Franchise" Curtis Adams & EDGE: Evil (WEL)

9. EDGE: Shareef Johnson's Bodyguard #1 & Stud Muffin Shareef Johnson (OSL)

10. EDGE: L-Train Lionel Jefferson & Fearless Frank Flamingo (LSL)

11. INK: Prince of Pain & The Evil Being (ASL)
last of the teams with 516

U.S. Tag-team Champions

RED/PBOX: The Schuckmaster & Bart Butterscotch (BRL)
Jake Duvall of Georgia; 516; $20,000; edged EDGE: Mister Self-Destruct & Paranoid Android (HSL), INK: "The Rock 'N' Roll Kid" Johnny Wildfire & Arson (GRL), TSD: Da Most Hardcorist Luchadorist & EDGE: Dr. Love (WEL), Firestorm Seth Magnum & Hurricane Chris Luger (BBL), INK: "Sledge Hammer" Spanky & "Jack Hammer" Hector Steele (NAL)

 

SIX-MAN TITLES

World Six-man Champions

INK: General Zod, Braniac, "The Monster" Tom Welling (MSL)
Mike Carver of Pennsylvania; manager held titles 3 cycles in a row; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

INK/NYB: No Innocent Victim, Dry Kill Logic, Strength For A Reason (FSL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; manager held titles 3 cycles in a row

END: Irrelevant Nobodies (You, Him, What's His Name) (GRL)
Keith A. Maple of Ohio; held titles 3 out of last 4 cycles

RED: "John's Consigliere" Phil Leotardo, "King of New York" John Sacrimoni, "King of New Jersey" Tony Soprano (QPL)
Nick Jones of Ohio

EDGE/BBQ: Oklahoma Joe, Jack Stack, Arthur Bryant (NGL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada

EDGE: Filipino Joe E. Holiday, Suicide Kings Cesar E. Salvo, Thiago E. Dela Cruz (MML)
Rich Schwartzenburg of Canada

EDGE: The False Prophet, Galan Dracos, Green Knight (IML)
Mike Dorsett of New York

EDGE: Buster, Papa Itchy, Ernie Funbunch (ECL)
Jason McGrew of Illinois

Top Contenders

9. Victor Von Snapp, Fatty the Butcher, Hot $tuff Adam Ca$h (ASL)

10. INK: Pepper the Flesh Eating Kitten, Big Scary Alien from Uranus, TSD/INK: Gluttony of Ignorance (TCL)
ranked #9 last time; last of the teams with 521

U.S. Six-man Champions

INK: The X-Rated Assassin, Million Dollar Man Mike Hliwski, HH-Hardcore Hero (MSL)
Mike Carver; share of $20,000

EDGE: "The Remarkable" Paul Stevens, Renegade Rick Dalton, "The Prodigy" Grayson King (GRL)
Rob Bream of Pennsylvania; 521; edged INK: Natural Born Killer, DICE: Viper, TSD: Anaconda (TCL)

 

TOP 10 LEAGUES

1. AWL (1,753 matches) 483.243

2. NWL (737 matches) 465.543

3. BRL (667 matches) 490.701

4. LWL (612 matches) 491.560
won the two matches for $1 cycle for having the highest average strategy total (counting only active wrestlers)

5. MML (523 matches) 473.735

6. NAL (496 matches) 490.432

7. XPL (431 matches) 489.724

8. ECL (397 matches) 488.793

9. NSL (362 matches) 484.850

10. HWL (337 matches) 491.439

 

TOP 20 MONEY HOLDERS -- active wrestlers only

1. END: Innovator of Arrogance Keith A. Maple (XPL) $19,085,700

2. END: Medieval Tymes (NAL) $19,020,400

3. "Mr. Powerful" Ken Lambeau (PKL) $18,604,200

4. JL6: The Hooded Inmate (IML) $16,870,300

5. EDGE/DT: Mike White Lightning Moore (QPL) $15,708,800

6. APO: Gypsy Rose Lee (ECL) $14,091,679

7. DFI: American Freedom Fighter E.J. (SHL) $13,580,738

8. CORE: Johnny Cage (JIL) $13,536,038

9. END: Jinx (BRL) $13,285,100

10. TSD: The Survivor (ECL) $12,595,800

11. INK/RWS: Mike Drake (HWL) $12,475,400

12. INK: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (GRL) $12,276,100

13. INK: King Krusher (SHL) $11,912,600

14. Easy E. Joe Cool (CWL) $11,730,100

15. Dimitrios the Traveler (ABL) $11,024,400

16. High Stakes Chris Edwards (IGL) $10,879,300

17. Johnny "2 Kold" Koolakowski (IGL) $10,543,200

18. INK: Diesel Duddick (GRL) $10,422,800

19. EDGE: Motorheadbanger Annihilator (JIL) $10,218,200

20. Arsenal (MML) $10,202,000

 

LIST OF LEAGUES

Iron Federation

Center Stage, Elite Action, Extreme Existence, Hardcore Wrestling, Iron Man, Murder Incorporated, Next Generation, Quick Pin, Wrestling Superstars, Xtreme Poison, Young Lions

Steel Federation

Absolute Pain, American Wrestling, Casting Couch, Eastern States Wrestling, Fighting Legends, Intense Impact, King of Kings, Last Man Standing, Mid-Atlantic Region, New Blood, Old School, Vicious Valkyries

Gold Federation

All Star, Battle Royal, Black Ops, Blood Bath, Caliente Lucha, Classic Wrestling, Extraordinary Power, Federated Suns, Mat Mayhem, Mystic Diva, National Wrestling, Ninja Dojo, Texas Death, Union Express

Diamond Federation

American Bodyslam, Dark Days, Evil Clown, Femme Fatale, Fractured Jaw, Lethal Brawling, Lights Out, Night Falcon, Noble Savage, Non-stop Action, Rajun Cajun, Xtreme Wrestling, Young Guns

Bronze Federation

Alter Ego, Assassin's Order, Extreme Hardcore, Grim Reaper, Hot Streak, Iron Glove, Main Event, Men of Steel, Old Timer's, Raging Bull, Soul Asylum, Torture Chamber

Jade Federation

Atomic Age, Bloody Terror, Jade Dragon, Just Incredible, Lone Wolf, Lovely Ladies, Primal Rage, Psychotic Killer, Pure Adrenaline, Smoking Gun, Super Hero, World Wrestling, Wrestlers Elite

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