IWA REPORT
Vol. 17, No. 6 -- Spring 2012
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JOHNNY B SAYS

Nick Holmes is our final Cruiserweight Champion for the year, but the title may return at a later date, possibly in another form.

 

HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES -- engraved plaque

James Colburn of New York

Jack Demphsy (RBL) 1,046-255-16, $1,611,900 *2

 

WORLD, U.S., KING OF THE RING

World Heavyweight Champion

EDGE: Switchblade Cesar Dario (NGL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada; 501; $300,000 + 100 free matches or a real wrestling belt & 50 free matches; manager's 5th career World title

In the middle of the night under a flickering street lamp on a poor and rugged corner in Manila, Philippines, taxi driver Cesar Dario lies across his motorcycle with attached sidecar waiting for a fare. A bulletproof, BMW 7-series stretch limousine with blacked-out glass and personalized driving tags reading "GODLIKE" slowly rolls up beside him. Dressed in a soiled wife-beater, torn chinos, ragged flip-flops, and a damp washcloth wrapped around the back of his neck to help battle the extreme humidity of the season, Dario calmly reaches into his pocket and pulls out a switchblade knife, holding it to his side but hiding it behind his wrist. Meanwhile, the limo driver opens the back door of the car, and out steps EDGE manager Garett Guzman with a black leather briefcase in hand. Before approaching Guzman, Dario in turn retrieves from the sidecar a silver titanium briefcase. Face to face, they are civil, but neither man is overly friendly with the other. After a formal handshake and greeting, the two swap items. Dario opens the briefcase he was handed first, revealing $300,000 in large, American bills. Guzman opens his case next: the IWA World Heavyweight title belt. Content with the exchange, both men close their cases and have a few more words with each other, then another handshake. The now-five-time World Champion manager steps back into the custom Bimmer and orders his driver to continue on to Manila International Airport, where Guzman is to catch his private jet for an 18-hour return flight to Dominion headquarters in Las Vegas. Only after the limousine pulls away and is completely out of sight does Switchblade Cesar Dario finally put away his knife. He looks around to check his immediate surroundings before throwing his new briefcase in the sidecar of his taxi. Dario thoughtlessly spits on the sidewalk and lies back down across his motorcycle, continuing throughout the night to wait for a fare.

U.S. Champion

EDGE: Dicky Retardo (NGL)
Garett Guzman; 500; $60,000 + a plaque or 25 free matches; edged DICE: Stunnin' Steve Skyy (RCL), EDGE: The Moronic Sheik (SAL); manager's 7th career U.S. title

King of the Ring

MVD: TigerBlue (RBL)
Michael DeCost of Ohio; 499; a plaque or 25 free matches; 272 KotR total; edged CORE: Lazarus Kane (OTL), UKA: Buffwell (FSL), DIAMOND: Devon "The Hatchet" Balmaglia (MIL), EDGE: Luscious Larry Lawrence (ASL), all with lesser overall totals; hold positions were 2, 4, 7, 8, 9, 12, 13, 14; battle royal hold positions were 1, 3, 5, 6, 9, 10, 11, 15

 

SPECIALTY TITLES -- $25,000 + 10 free matches

American Champion

EDGE: Dukie Vegas (SAL)
Kevin Hurley of Canada; 499; edged SA: Vincent Von Vicious (LOL)

Asiatic Champion

DICE: James Rogue (NDL)
Michael Eaves of Mississippi; edged DICE: Wayne "The Wonderful" (MEL), DICE: Diabolical Jerry Savage (NAL)

Hardcore Champion

DICE: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (GRL)
"Dr. Pain" Mark Duchaine of Vermont; 500

Metropolitan Champion

LPPF: Terrible Teegan (BRL)
Erik Davis of Washington; 10 free matches; edged DICE/NYB: Switchblade (XPL)

Cruiserweight Champion

Nick "The Animal" Holmes (AWL)
Lee Barnett of Alabama; retained title

 

FEDERATION PLAY-OFFS -- $40,000 + 25 free matches

Iron Federation Champion

EDGE: Switchblade Cesar Dario (NGL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada; 501

Steel Federation Champion

DICE: ill Bill (NBL)
Anthony Dudick of New York

Gold Federation Champion

EDGE: Willie Nelson Mandela (EPL)
Garett Guzman; 500

Diamond Federation Champion

SITH: Darth Ravage (NSL)
Dennis Mooney of New Jersey; 500

Bronze Federation Champion

The Lethal Weapon Lance Magnum (AOL)
Chris Capps of South Carolina; 500; edged DICE: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (GRL)

Jade Federation Champion

DICE/NYB: Six Ft. Ditch (BTL)
Anthony Dudick; 499

 

NATIONAL, IWA-WIDE REGIONALS -- $20,000

National Champion

FAST CA$H: Evan Adrenaline (BRL)
Scott Franklin of California; 501; a plaque or 25 free matches; Central region; edged The Pontiff of Prophets (TDL)

Atlantic Champion

The Terminator (DDL)
Jeff Annable of Canada; 500

Dixie Champion

AI: Francis Xavier Cross (BRL)
Michael D. Pepple of Massachusetts; 499; edged SW: Asmodeus Jones (HWL), Day-Day (NDL)

Eastern Champion

Linus (SAL)
"The Game" from Parts Unknown; 500

Mountain Champion

COT: Tyrant Hero Anarchy (ASL)
Caleb Kaffenbarger of Ohio; 500

Northern Champion

EDGE: Ruthless Romeo Marquez (NGL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada; 500

Pacific Champion

Rock & Roll Vince Ventura (AOL)
Chris Capps of South Carolina; 500

Prairie Champion

The Gamecock Chris Magnum (AOL)
Chris Capps; 500

Southern Champion

DICE: Burnt Out Brawler #6 (HWL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; manager retained title

Western Champion

The Master of Myths (TDL)
Farmer Fran (NDL)
"The Game"; 499

 

LADIES' TITLES

Ladies' World Champion

COT: "Perfection" Patty Boden (FFL)
Caleb Kaffenbarger of Ohio; $40,000 + a plaque or 15 free matches; edged SW: Awesome Amy Simpson (MDL), previous champion DICE: Sensational Stacy Whiskey (LLL)

Ladies' U.S. Champion

SW: Mastema the Satanic Servant (MDL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 499; $20,000

Queen of the Ring

"Jinxed" Jessica Alba (MDL)
"The Game" from Parts Unknown; 268 QotR total; edged Patty Jewels

Ladies' National Champion

"Mean" Megan Fox (MDL)
"The Game"; 500

Ladies' Tag-team Champions

DICE: Melissa Hill & Jenteal (LLL)
John Gabriel of Pennsylvania; 516

Ladies' U.S. Tag-team Champions

DICE: Sophie Dee & Lacey Duvalle (LLL)
John Gabriel

World Six-woman Champions

DICE: Psycho Biker Divas From Hell #1, #2, #3 (MDL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; 521

U.S. Six-woman Champions

DICE: "Toothless Redneck" Raylene, "Poor White Trash" Patty, "Trailer Park" Tracy Jewels (LLL)
Anthony Dudick; edged DICE: Godzooky, Rachel "The Whale" Huntoon, Mean Jean Baljean (MDL)

 

TAG-TEAM TITLES

World Tag-team Champions

BURN: Deadman Walking & Reanimated Corpse (ZHL)
Solomon Shaw of Maine; ranked #8 last time; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

DICE: "Dirty Jer-Z's" Ant$ Deluxe & Danny Diablo A.K.A. Lord Ezec (BTL)
Anthony Dudick of New York

Top Contenders

3. The Lethal Weapon Lance Magnum & Hard Rock Howie Ventura (AOL)

4. DICE: "Mad Dog" Buzz Sawyer & Sin Cara (WWL)

5. DICE: Demolition Blade & Sick Nick Mondo (HWL)

6. BURN: Elisa Marino & Alyssa (PRL)

7. EDGE: Samson the Wonder Lhasa & Shotgun Messiah (EAL)

8. EDGE: Pad See Ew & Pad Thai (IGL)

9. DICE: "Charming" Carl Sunset & Gizzy "The Razor" Ciccireno (PKL)
last of the teams with 516

10. AI: Francis Xavier Cross & Firebug Johnny Pyro (BRL)

U.S. Tag-team Champions

DICE: "Suicidal" Johnny Overdose & & (HWL)
Anthony Dudick; manager retained titles; 516; $20,000

 

SIX-MAN TITLES

World Six-man Champions

DICE/NYB: Chimaira, The Cavalera Conspiracy, Irate (BTL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; manager retained titles; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

EDGE: Ordinary Fella, Normal Guy, Regular Dude (CWL)
Garett Guzman of Nevada; manager retained titles

UKA: Falafel the Vegan Warrior, Skilliosis, Issei Sagawa (BOL)
Kevin Burr of Virginia; manager retained titles

COT: Tyrant Heroes Terror, Riot, Anarchy (ASL)
Caleb Kaffenbarger of Ohio

LPPF: Cult of Personality #1, #2, #3 (NDL)
Keith A. Maple of Ohio

Top Contenders

6. MEM: Shane Hagadorn, "Scrap Iron" Adam Pearce, The Masked Mauler (MML)
last of the teams with 521

7. CC: "The Destroyer" Dan Loft, Canadian Mauler, Canadian Correspondent Jonathon Ryan (AWL)

8. DICE: Deathmatch Celebrity Marilyn Manson, B-Boy, DICE/TSD: Paranoia Steven Suspicion (MIL)
SW: "The Satanic Babe" Astaroth Adams, Asmodeus Jones, Enki Elektra (HWL)

10. UKA/WCGP: Bad News Hughes, "The Aerialist" Aiden Davies, One Man Dance Party (RSL)
previous champions

U.S. Six-man Champions

EDGE: Average Bloke, Common Man, Typical Cat (CWL)
Garett Guzman; manager retained titles; share of $20,000

LPPF: "Caged Xplosions" Brock Lesnar, Quentin Jackson, Randy Couture (NDL)
Keith A. Maple; 521

 

TOP 10 LEAGUES

1. NWL (1,274 matches) 466.434

2. AWL (941 matches) 444.854

3. BRL (811 matches) 491.872

4. UWL (729 matches) 492.250

5. MRL (648 matches) 487.742

6. XPL (612 matches) 487.640

7. LWL (559 matches) 485.800

8. ECL (472 matches) 492.573
won the two matches for $1 cycle for having the highest average strategy total (counting only active wrestlers)

9. NAL (408 matches) 487.679

10. GRL (389 matches) 492.295

 

TOP 20 STARS -- active wrestlers only

1. DICE: Wonderful Wally Brown (GRL) 89

2. DICE: Sinister Steve Stryker (CSL) 79

3. LPPF: Medieval Tymes (NAL)
DICE: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (GRL) 77

5. LPPF: Innovator of Arrogance Keith A. Maple (BRL)
EDGE/DT: Mike White Lightning Moore (QPL)
DICE: Nightmare Sam Hell (BRL) 74

8. DICE: Diesel Duddick (GRL)
CORE: Johnny Cage (JIL) 71

10. CORE: Chris Coldstone (JIL) 69

11. DICE: Lord of Illusions (BRL) 67

12. DICE: "The Big Mofo" Anthony Dudick (MEL)
EDGE: Danny S. Spivey (TDL) 66

14. Steve "The Sandman" Sands (KKL) 65

15. EDGE: Ollis Rage (JDL) 64

16. LPPF: Bloody Assault Jessica Lee Richards (LLL)
DICE: Sammy Solar (OSL) 63

18. Executioner (LBL)
EDGE: Warchild (EHL)
LPPF: Wyld Stooge Larry Logan (PKL) 62

 

LIST OF LEAGUES

Iron Federation

Center Stage, Extreme Action, Extreme Existence, Hardcore Wrestling, Iron Man, Jersey City Wrestling, Murder Incorporated, Next Generation, Quick Pin, Rising Stars, Wrestling Federation, Wrestling Superstars, Xtreme Poison, Young Lions

Steel Federation

Absolute Pain, American Wrestling, Casting Couch, East Side Wrestling, Fighting Legends, Intense Impact, King Kong, Last Man Standing, Mid-Atlantic Region, New Blood, Old School, Pure Madness, Vicious Valkyries

Gold Federation

All Star, Battle Royal, Black Ops, Blood Bath, Chicago Legends, Classic Wrestling, Extraordinary Power, Federated Suns, Masked Wrestling, Mat Mayhem, Mystic Diva, National Wrestling, Ninja Dojo, Texas Death, Union Express

Diamond Federation

American Bodyslam, American Legion, Armed Forces, Dark Days, Evil Clown, Femme Fatale, Fractured Jaw, Last Breath, Lights Out, Night Falcon, Noble Savage, Non-stop Action, Rajun Cajun, Xtreme Wrestling, Young Guns

Bronze Federation

Assassin's Order, Coffin Filler, Extreme Hardcore, Grim Reaper, Hot Streak, Iron Glove, Main Event, Men of Steel, Old Timer's, Raging Bull, Soul Asylum, Torture Chamber, Unknown Wrestler, Zombie Hunter

Jade Federation

Atomic Age, Bloody Terror, Jade Dragon, Just Incredible, Lone Wolf, Lovely Ladies, Primal Rage, Psychotic Killer, Pure Adrenaline, Smoking Gun, Super Hero, World Wrestling, Wrestlers Elite

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