IWA REPORT
Vol. 17, No. 4 -- March 2012
Home Page Join the IWA Handbook Special Leagues Champions Hold Values IWA Report Hall of Fame Archives Contact Us

STABLECADE 2012

The winner of this year's contest was the Brotherhood Unified to Rule Nations! BURN had the best average when counting only the top five strategy totals from each stable that competed, so each of their members who signed up (listed below) received an imaginary $100,000!

  • John Davis of Tennessee
    MWL: "Dashing" Devon Colton, Terrific Terrance Davis
    NAL: The High Risk Loan Shark, The High Stakes Gambler
    PRL: Brent Foxx, Eric Hawkins, Gregory Colton, Hiyoshi
    RYL: Fatal Vision Drake Fury, Silent Rage Adam Storm
    ZHL: DeadEye, Death Knight Gabriel Cross, Morbius, Resurrected Skeleton
  • Terrance Haggard of Illinois
    MRL: "Enforcer" Arn Henderson, Gary "The Emperor" Lawler, Mighty Schmitty
    NAL: "Millennium Enforcer" Chad Goffinet, "Straight Shot" Cory Gouliard, "Top Notch" T.J. Haggard
    ZHL: Bull Mann, El Tiburon, "Mr. President" Brian Centerscore, Tyson Hogan
  • Solomon Shaw of Maine
    IIL: The Amazing Human Highlight Reel, The Basket Case Sid Skyscraper, Big Boss Mann, The Magnificent Magnum Colton, No Gimmicks Needed Derringer Colton, Problem Solver Matt Cross, The Situation Jackson Cross, Supernatural Jason McDaniel, TH1RTE3N, The Thrillseeker Chance McGrath
    MDL: Crossfire Rebecca Dillinger, Dead Centerfold Marilyn Monroe, DeadGirl, Leadfoot Veronica Fox, Zombie Hot, Zombie Sexy
    NDL: The Basket Case Sid Skyscraper, Challenger Monroe Punk, God Complex Legion Cage, Magnum 357, Problem Solver Matt Cross, The Situation Jackson Cross, The Total Package Lex Lethal, The Widowmaker Ty Windham
    YGL: Burning Hammer Bane Blackheart, Captain America Elijah Blackheart, Cardiac Arrest, Crimson Fury Christian Blackheart, Dark Paladin Damon Black, TH1RTE3N
    ZHL: "Superiority Complex" Fenris Greyback, Cardiac Arrest, Deadman Walking, Deadpool, Death Dealer Seth Phoenix, Holocaust, Massacre, Reanimated Corpse, Sabotage, TH1RTE3N, Vlad the Impaler

The stables below are ranked by the average strategy total of the five best members in each:

500.2 BURN
496.4 DDT, WCGP
496.2 SW
495.8 DICE
495.2 LPPF
494.6 APO
494.4 TBZ
492.4 CC
492 EGG
491.8 independent wrestlers
491 LAWLESS
489 DX, EVOLUTION
(The final spot went to MC.)

 

HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES -- engraved plaque

Grant Matthews of Canada

Sid Vicious (WWL) 1,123-313-69, $2,461,200 *21
"The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase (WWL) 1,059-259-45, $2,134,200 *21
Brian Pillman (WWL) 1,054-389-59, $1,853,300 *18
Triple H (WWL) 1,123-282-71, $2,739,900 *16
7-S/NVME: Darius Thunder (RSL) 1,266-702-126, $4,596,068 *37
7-S/NVME: Caius Pendragon (RSL) 1,252-630-130, $4,093,600 *41
7-S/NVME: Kahn Lionheart (RSL) 1,117-634-112, $3,997,900 *31
7-S/NVME: Marcus Knightwing (RSL) 1,154-553-95, $3,741,400 *35
7-S/NVME: Midir (RSL) 1,023-577-94, $3,184,500 *30
7-S/NVME: Morpheus Darkhawk (RSL) 1,039-519-113, $3,062,900 *25
7-S/NVME: Damon Rude (RSL) 1,102-389-79, $2,493,000 *24
A hush falls over the crowd at a jam-packed Phillips Arena as every light goes out, save one. Insane laughter begins to echo throughout the arena; where it is coming from is hard to tell. The laughter fades slowly, leaving the fans in utter silence and darkness. A fireball shoots from the ceiling of the stadium to the entrance arena, creating a blinding wall of flame, as Saliva's "Ladies and Gentlemen" booms over the loudspeakers. As the fans' eyes adjust, they see the newest members of the IWA's Hall of Fame standing at the top of the entrance ramp -- former IWA World Champion Sid Vicious, former IWA U.S. Champion "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase, and former IWA Jade Federation Champions Brian Pillman and Triple H! The fans go wild as the legends of the WWL make their way to the ring. Triple H grabs the house mic.

Triple H: "Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know by now, we are leaving the WWL and shutting the doors on our IWA careers, but we are not going alone. Ladies and gentlemen, we know our promo time is short, so we are going to give you what you came here to see. Ladies and gentlemen, the NVME!"

The house lights go out once more. The whole crowd seems to be going over the EDGE as "Ladies and Gentlemen" begins to blare once again. Blinding pyrotechnics seem to fill the arena. As the fans' eyes adjust, the dastardly seven -- Darius Thunder, Caius Pendragon, Kahn Lionheart, Marcus Knightwing, Midir, Morpheus Darkhawk, and Damon Rude -- appear. Highlights from their time in GRIM, HOT, WWW, ILL, 7-S, EDGE, and CTI play on the big screen as they make their way to the ring.

Darius Thunder: "Well, hello there, IWA world! I swear that every time I come down here to HOTLANTA, the hillbillies are sporting better denture work -- either that, or the inbreeding has stopped! (The fans start screaming obscenities.) Now, now now... it's all good! We love ya'll, bless yo' little hearts! But we're not here to make fun of ya'll! That'd be like making fun of an old dog for droolin'! It's too easy! (The crowd's boos rain down on the NVME, but Darius keeps going. He's got the crowd right where he wants them now.) What we are here to say is that NVME's Redneck Tour has come to an end! We were searching for someone who was over the age of eight, still had all his teeth, and had an IQ over twenty-three! We looked all over Louisiana and Alabama, and we weren't able to find anyone who fit that mold! We've been back in Atlanta for a few days now, and I hate to be the one that breaks this to ya, but ya'll make the folks in Alabama and Louisiana look like beauty queens! Look at that one there! That's what I'm talking about! Get a close-up of those two!"

The camera swivels to show a couple of 300-pound, female hillbillies dressed in the smallest shorts imaginable. Combined with their ultra-tight halter tops and peroxide-dyed blonde hair, it's like a scene out of Jerry Springer's worst nightmare. The two hillbillies are seen yelling at the ring with what remains of their black teeth. One of the "ladies" tries to charge the ring, but security quickly intercepts the behemoth banshee. The security guard is trying to hold the southern belles back, but one of the ladies loses her balance and falls forward. The squashed security guard's legs are seen drumming on the floor as the blonde belle struggles to get back to her feet. The fans start screaming obscenities and throwing soft drink cups into the ring. Thunder is laughing so hard that he's crying. He hands the mic to Pendragon as he tries to compose himself.

Caius Pendragon: "That's right, Darius! These inbred halfwits wouldn't know class if it walked up and slapped the stink off of them! Take a long look, IWA! Take a long, last look at greatness! Now, we are here to tell you all one very important thing! We often said that we are the straw that stirs the drink, and cycle after cycle we proved it!"

Midir: "Their innocence has been shattered! IWA stars, your blood, your suffering, your fears, I have fed on. Your only escape was darkness. You have learned there are indeed things that are worse than death. Hehe, yesssss, there are things FAAAR worse than death! To hell you have went. In the utter blackness of night, you came to the realization that the only ideal left is pain... suffering. The Whiplash Smile was only the beginning. Pendragon's Whisper... Rude's Rite... Thunder's Passage... the most feared and sadistic stable in IWA history... that is our legacy."

Marcus Knightwing: "Standing before you now is the most imposing juggernaut to EVER step foot in any league that we have ever been in. We stopped at nothing until we got what we wanted. The NVME was a juggernaut. Our thirst for vengeance and respect would not be quenched. For the final time, ladies, we must say, 'Ciao.' But just in case any of you useless peons forget, the NVME will forever be the straw that stirs the drink in the IWA... whether you like it or not!"

With that, "Ladies and Gentlemen" fills the arena as the IWA Hall of Famers make their exit.

"Sexbomb of Rock 'n' Roll" B.C. Empson of Virginia

UKA: Bounty Hunter Grit Fargo (ECL) 1,052-442-98, $2,648,200 *31
Fargo first appeared in the APL, where he created mayhem, winning numerous battle royals and carrying on a historic feud with EVOLUTION's Red Rider. Later, he traveled to the ECL, where he took the Asiatic title.
UKA: Mr. Self Destruct SABU (APL) 1,256-230-31, $1,688,000 *22
SABU has been a journeyman for Empson for many years. His hardcore, high flying antics -- especially his trademark of putting opponents through burning glass tables -- has left a mark wherever he went.

B.C. Empson: "After being kicked off John Gabriels's couch, I have decided to say goodbye to the IWA and its cast of many characters. Though John has booted me off his couch, he is still one of the many who have made this game worth playing. To all my friends and foes alike, the mix of different personalities has made this a great 20+ years of fun. The efforts that Kimberly has put forth in resolving problems and just pretty much being a friend to all of us had a hand in me playing as long as I have."

B.C. wipes a tear away from his eye. His two new Hall of Fame recipients, UKA: Bounty Hunter Grit Fargo and UKA: Mr. Self Destruct SABU, stand beside him.

SABU: "Are you crying?"

B.C. Empson: "No, I got something in my eye. Anyway, I leave as a member of one of the IWA's historic stables, UKA! A great bunch of guys. I enjoyed all the past stables I've been a part of -- WWW, CTI, ICP, HOH, and my own stables, PAIN and LOVE. I'm a two-time IWA World Champion, and a six-time U.S. Champion. I've won two Iron Federation titles, four Steel Federation belts, seven Diamond Federation straps, and one Jade Federation championship. I've also won eight state titles, an Asiatic strap, the IWA National title, too many IWA-wide regional belts to remember and, finally, the elusive King of the Ring crown. I'm a longtime ECL and APL standout. I wish everyone the best. I've made so many friends in the IWA that I don't want to say names, because I may forget someone. Until the IWA bug bites me again... farewell!"

 

WORLD, U.S., KING OF THE RING

World Heavyweight Champion

BURN: The Thrillseeker Chance McGrath (IIL)
Solomon Shaw of Maine; 501; $300,000 + 100 free matches or a real wrestling belt & 50 free matches

Jimbo Hoss: Ladies and gentlemen, The Thrillseeker Chance McGrath has indeed just shocked the world!

Donald Finkle: The winner of this bout and NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, The Thrillseeker Chance McGrath!

(The Thrillseeker is bursting with emotion as he falls to his knees, clutching the championship belt to his chest. The crowd is going crazy.)

Jerry Brawler: You know, Jimbo, it was just 13 months ago that The Brotherhood was formed, and they now have their first World Heavyweight Champion.

(Outkast Coyote grabs the house microphone from Donald Finkle, who is standing near the timekeeper's table, and rolls into the ring. The camera pans to show some of the Brotherhood Unified to Rule Nations signs held by fans at ringside -- "Demo3K #BaddestTagTeamonthePlanet," "Zombie Hunter; Zombie Sniper - Deadeye," and "Chance McGrath taking it to the next level #ThrilloftheKill.")

Outkast Coyote: This is clearly history in the making here tonight, as a small band of brothers known as The Brotherhood monopolized not one, but three of the most prestigious championships in the game today! A little history lesson: I left the IWF several years ago on top of the world, one of the best in the game, and I really thought I had given all I had left to give to this business. Never in a million years would I have thought I would return here, nor be standing before you today managing the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!

(Outkast Coyote hands The Thrillseeker the mic.)

Chance McGrath: Realizing this opportunity was one that I may never have again, 'oC' told me to take it to the Nth degree. I did just that. This is saying something, but for an adrenaline junkie like me, this has been the rush of a lifetime. Even if for only one night... tonight, I am the 'Best in the World.'

("Burn It to the Ground" by Nickelback kicks up over the PA system as the crowd pops, and the new World Heavyweight Champion celebrates his meteoric rise to the top of the game. The camera slowly fades out to a commercial.)

U.S. Champion

BURN: DeadEye (ZHL)
John Davis of Tennessee; 501; $60,000 + a plaque or 25 free matches; entered due to an in-league error; edged Victor Von Snapp (GRL), DICE: Six Sigma Black Belt (OSL), BURN: Problem Solver Matt Cross (IIL)

King of the Ring

AIM: El Diablo Y El Angel Lobo Empson (APL)
B.C. Empson of Virginia; a plaque or 25 free matches; 274 KotR total; hold positions were 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 11, 12, 15; battle royal hold positions were 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 10, 13, 14

 

SPECIALTY TITLES -- $25,000 + 10 free matches

American Champion

DICE: Furious Styles (ASL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; 500

Asiatic Champion

DICE: Sinister Steve Storm (NDL)
Michael Eaves of Mississippi; 499; edged DICE: Slaine (NBL)

Hardcore Champion

The Upside of Down (TDL)
"The Game" from Parts Unknown; 500

Metropolitan Champion

DICE/CTI: Claude Leroux (ECL)
John Gabriel of Pennsylvania; missed title by point flow last time; 10 free matches; edged Dan Divine, DICE: Classy Eddie Degrassi (BRL)

Cruiserweight Champion

"The Fallen God" Dan Divine (AWL)
Dan Dietterick of Pennsylvania

 

FEDERATION PLAY-OFFS -- $40,000 + 25 free matches

Iron Federation Champion

EDGE: Black Mamba Kobe Bryant (EAL)
"The Immortal" Shareef Johnson of New Jersey; 499; edged EDGE: The False Prophet (IML), UL: The Man in Black (MIL)

Steel Federation Champion

BURN: The Thrillseeker Chance McGrath (IIL)
Solomon Shaw of Maine; 501; edged EDGE: Shaun Keno (ZPL)

Gold Federation Champion

UKA: "Sexy" Lenny Nightmare (FSL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota; 500; edged The Upside of Down (TDL), DICE: Furious Styles (ASL)

Diamond Federation Champion

DICE/CTI: Claude Leroux (ECL)
John Gabriel of Pennsylvania; edged DICE: Dirk Drakler (DDL), UKA: "The Stunning One" Steven M. Shotliff (ALL)

Bronze Federation Champion

Cookie (SAL)
"The Game" from Parts Unknown; 499; edged DICE: Brown Ninja (EHL), EDGE: Ballistic Brad Horner (GRL), DICE: Gus "Slim" Alex (OTL)

Jade Federation Champion

DICE: Mike Pain (WEL)
Michael Drake of New York

 

NATIONAL, IWA-WIDE REGIONALS -- $20,000

National Champion

The Game Breaker (TCL)
"The Game" from Parts Unknown; 501; a plaque or 25 free matches; Prairie region

Atlantic Champion

UL: Brutal Brian Welch (SAL)
Caleb Kaffenbarger of Ohio; 501

Central Champion

STALAG13: Technical Sergeant Andrew J. Carter (CCL)
501

Dixie Champion

SW: Thoth Thomas (OSL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 501

Eastern Champion

The Joker (TCL)
"The Game"; 500; edged DICE: Full Blown Chaos (ASL)

Mountain Champion

DICE: Everybody Gets Hurt (ASL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; 500

Northern Champion

BURN: Vlad the Impaler (ZHL)
Solomon Shaw of Maine; manager retained title; 499

Pacific Champion

Deebo (TDL)
"The Game"; 501

Southern Champion

The Pontiff of Prophets (TDL)
"The Game"; 499

Western Champion

SW: "The Satanic Judge" Ose Alverson (HWL)
Matt Yunick; edged UL: Tombstone Taurus (OSL), DICE: Dry Kill Logic (ASL)

 

LADIES' TITLES

Ladies' World Champion

DICE: Psycho Biker Diva From Hell #2 (MDL)
Anthony Dudick of New York; 500; $40,000 + a plaque or 15 free matches; edged That 80's Chick

Ladies' U.S. Champion

Princess White Feather (VVL)
Ray Smith of Pennsylvania; 500; $20,000

Queen of the Ring

EDGE: Andrea the Giant (MDL)
"The Immortal" Shareef Johnson of New Jersey; 272 QotR total

Ladies' National Champion

EDGE: Bonecrusher Bonnie Powers (VVL)
Shareef Johnson; 500

Ladies' Tag-team Champions

EDGE: Awesome Angela & Bonecrusher Bonnie Powers
Shareef Johnson

Ladies' U.S. Tag-team Champions

EDGE: That 70's Chick & That 80's Chick (VVL)
Shareef Johnson

World Six-woman Champions

DICE: "Merciless" Mandy Mayhem, "Heartless" Heather Havoc, "Ruthless" Rachel Rage (VVL)
Anthony Dudick; retained titles

U.S. Six-woman Champions

UKA: Erica Mayhem, Tricia Horror, Becca Death (VVL)
Kevin Burr of Virginia; edged EDGE: Valarie Venus, Superfly Jenny Snuka, Earthquake (FFL)

 

TAG-TEAM TITLES

World Tag-team Champions

BURN: Brock the Pulverizer & Vlad the Impaler (ZHL)
John Davis of Tennessee & Solomon Shaw of Maine; $50,000 + 15 free matches

Top Contenders

2. DICE: "The Last Don" Joseph Massino & Philip "Philly Lucky" Giaccone (OTL)

3. The Gamecock Chris & The Waterboy Waldo Pee Wee Magnum (AOL)

4. DICE: Born From Pain & Furious Styles (ASL)

5. DICE: "The Sunset Slasher" Sam Slaughter & "Blood Junkie" Jason Overkill (MEL)
previous champions

6. Skull Crusher Jack Danger & The Creation Chris Magnum (BRL)

7. EDGE: Demolition Ax & Demolition Smash (FLL)
last of the teams with 516

8. EDGE: Highsmith & Dansen (CCL)

9. BURN: The Greatest Man That Ever Lived & Gabe Cannon (FSL)

10. DICE/TSD: "Envy or Hypocrite?" xXx & Rage Alumni & The Prideful flip flopping contradiction (OSL)

U.S. Tag-team Champions

DICE: "Without Wrath" KL & "Pride Before Fall" the Wolverine (ZHL)
Michael Giuliano of Connecticut; 516; $20,000; edged DICE/LPPF: The Keystone Kid & Anthony Boazzo (ECL), DICE: "The Miner" Harry Warden & Wayne "The Wonderful" (MEL)

 

SIX-MAN TITLES

World Six-man Champions

DICE: Jimmy, Robert Funk, DICE/LPPF: Shinto Garveriji (APL)
"Who the Funk is" Mike Carver & John Gabriel, both of Pennsylvania; Carver held titles 5 cycles in a row; $50,000 + 15 free matches

Top Contenders

2. BURN: The Forsaken One, Kid Wicked, Twisted Youth (PAL)
last of the teams with 521

3. LPPF: David, Mike, Chris Von Damme (MRL)
BURN: Problem Solver Matt, The Situation Jackson Cross, The Thrillseeker Chance McGrath (IIL)

5. EDGE: Russians Bare Ivan, Nightwear Nikita Clothesoff, Kleaner Karpetz (UEL)

6. DICE: ill Bill, Necro, Mr. Hyde (NBL)

7. EDGE: Wonderful Walter Peck, Gozar the Destroyer, Agent Zero Winston Zeddmore (SAL)

8. DDT: Poot, Tator Tot, Tator Salad (CFL)

9. UL: The One, The Only, St. Anger (ECL)

10. LPPF: Adrenaline, Extreme Street Hustle Tim A., LPPF/DONE: Raging Powerhouse Ricky A. Maple (XPL)

U.S. Six-man Champions

KING: Cobra Clutch Cadet, DICE/CTI: Yoshi Garveriji, Tim Tebow Carver (APL)
Ryan Kilmer, John Gabriel, Mike Carver, all of Pennsylvania; 521; $20,000

 

TOP 10 LEAGUES

1. AWL (912 matches) 473.886

2. NWL (826 matches) 466.813

3. UWL (765 matches) 491.879

4. LWL (746 matches) 491.955

5. BRL (724 matches) 491.366

6. ECL (659 matches) 490.370

7. XPL (501 matches) 488.321

8. GRL (493 matches) 490.351

9. MRL (434 matches) 493.367
won the two matches for $1 cycle for having the highest average strategy total (counting only active wrestlers)

10. ESL (364 matches) 492.667

 

TOP 20 VICTORIES -- active wrestlers only

1. "Mr. Powerful" Ken Lambeau (PKL) 13,551-1,566-367

2. APO: Gypsy Rose Lee (ECL) 7,181-1,240-360

3. DICE: Mike Drake (DDL) 7,180-659-189

4. Johnny "2 Kold" Koolakowski (LOL) 7,141-242-51

5. EDGE/DT: Mike White Lightning Moore (QPL) 7,052-1,617-312

6. Dimitrios the Traveler (ABL) 6,366-707-245

7. JL6: The Hooded Inmate (IML) 6,350-1,200-226

8. Easy E. Joe Cool (CWL) 6,278-877-215

9. Arsenal (BBL) 6,099-530-121

10. LPPF: Innovator of Arrogance Keith A. Maple (XPL) 5,708-403-128

11. DICE: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (GRL) 5,494-520-145

12. PAIN: Cpl. Punishment (LBL) 5,451-366-101

13. ROW: Special Agent B.M.F. (JIL) 5,350-1,389-321

14. PAIN: Dragon Tzu (AAL) 4,675-1,923-407

15. PAIN: Manitou (AAL) 4,578-1,877-385

16. DICE/TSD: The Survivor (ECL) 4,548-1,045-231

17. PAIN: Cougar - WK (AAL) 4,431-1,910-406

18. DFI: American Freedom Fighter E.J. (SHL) 4,330-825-231

19. DICE/CTI: Hardcore Johnny Awesome (ECL) 4,267-1,017-181

20. Death Warrant (MWL) 4,194-258-66

 

LIST OF LEAGUES

Iron Federation

Center Stage, Extreme Action, Extreme Existence, Hardcore Wrestling, Iron Man, Jersey City Wrestling, Murder Incorporated, Next Generation, Quick Pin, Rising Stars, Wrestling Federation, Wrestling Superstars, Xtreme Poison, Young Lions

Steel Federation

Absolute Pain, American Wrestling, Casting Couch, East Side Wrestling, Fighting Legends, Intense Impact, King Kong, Louisiana Swamp, Mid-Atlantic Region, New Blood, Old School, Praying Mantis, Vicious Valkyries, Zeus Power

Gold Federation

All Star, Battle Royal, Black Ops, Blood Bath, Chicago Legends, Classic Wrestling, Extraordinary Power, Federated Suns, Masked Wrestling, Mat Mayhem, Mystic Diva, National Wrestling, Ninja Dojo, Texas Death, Union Express

Diamond Federation

American Bodyslam, American Legion, Armed Forces, Dark Days, Evil Clown, Femme Fatale, Fractured Jaw, Last Breath, Lights Out, Night Falcon, Noble Savage, Non-stop Action, Rajun Cajun, Xtreme Wrestling, Young Guns

Bronze Federation

Assassin's Order, Coffin Filler, Extreme Hardcore, Grim Reaper, Hot Streak, Iron Glove, Main Event, Men of Steel, Old Timer's, Raging Bull, Soul Asylum, Torture Chamber, Unknown Wrestler, Zombie Hunter

Jade Federation

Atomic Age, Bloody Terror, Jade Dragon, Just Incredible, Lone Wolf, Lovely Ladies, Primal Rage, Psychotic Killer, Pure Adrenaline, Smoking Gun, Super Hero, World Wrestling, Wrestlers Elite

Home Page Join the IWA Handbook Special Leagues Champions Hold Values IWA Report Hall of Fame Archives Contact Us
Entire site contents copyright 2012 Worlds Unlimited, Inc. All rights reserved.