IWA REPORT
Vol. 22, No. 8 -- June 2017
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HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES -- engraved plaque

Luke Crawford of Maine

Crimson Grimm (IWL) 2,329-512-89, $4,117,100 *21

 

WORLD, U.S., KING OF THE RING

World Champion

EDGE/H25: Owen Dankirk (MUL)
Andrew Konik of Michigan; 501; $300,000 + 100 free matches or a real wrestling belt & 50 free matches

Fans from multiple leagues in the IWA gathered and filed into the Summit Sports and Ice Complex in Lansing, Michigan. They found their seats, eagerly anticipating a card full of interleague action. The lights went dim, causing a hush to fall over the crowd. On the jumbotron, the name OWEN DANKIRK appeared. After a few moments, the letters began to slide around the screen, scrambling themselves. They spun around, picking up speed, until they finally came to rest in a reordered fashion. The new name appeared as ANDREW KONIK.

"Carry On Wayward Son" burst forth from the speakers. The crowd erupted.

Konik appeared at the top of the ramp, unable to suppress his Cheshire Cat grin. Strapped around his waist was the IWA World Championship belt. He made his way to the ring. Once there, he stepped in.

"I don't want to take up a lot of your time. You're here to see the competitors leave it all in the ring. But, as a guy who came to the IWA looking for a hobby to stretch my creativity and kill a little time, I quickly found myself drawn into the game. As a numbers guy, I became slightly obsessed with building strategies. I'm a manager who only runs a dozen or so guys at a time. It became my goal to look for any and all patterns to help me get a leg up. Don't get me wrong -- I'm not taking a passive-aggressive shot at any other managers. I'm simply saying that, with limited funds, I had to submerge myself in my 'Beautiful Mind' approach."

The crowd tittered.

"I've had success, but I won't be one of those guys who spouts off his accomplishments. For one, it's a little self-serving. For another, there is a long list of managers who have done so much more. What I do want to do is make sure that I thank the other players who have inspired me. I know it sounds cliche, but I honestly believe that I would not still be playing if I hadn't developed the friendships that I have. I get touted for my creativity, but it's easy to write when presented with great material and passion from other managers. I feed off of it."

The applause from the crowd resonated around the arena.

"So, thanks to the managers of the IWAR: Matt, Alex, Bobby, David, and many others. Being a part of that group brought my game to the next level. I also need to thank the members of EDGE for allowing me to join their group: Jamie, Rich, Jeff, Martin... the list goes on. I would not have expected to develop true friendships through a play-by-mail game. I have. EDGE also inspired me to focus on the Report, something I had no interest in during my first couple of years. It was a different challenge, showing that this game is more subtle than one might think."

Those in attendance bellowed their approval.

"Finally, I would like to thank Kim and all others behind the scenes at the IWA. It may not seem like a big deal, but being a part of this game has been a joy for me. I know they take a lot of grief, much of it uncalled for. However, I appreciate all the work they do. They provide an outlet for me that I need with a life that's full of family, school, work, and other adulting."

The fans cheered even louder, showing similar appreciation.

"Well, I said I didn't want to take up much of your time. So, thanks again. Now, it's time for me to get back to dominating Gold."

U.S. Champion

EDGE/H25: Kaden Korwin (MUL)
Andrew Konik; 501; $60,000 + a plaque or 25 free matches

King of the Ring

Kaden Korwin
a plaque or 25 free matches; 274 KotR total; edged EDGE: Adam Q (EHL; lesser overall total); hold positions were 1, 2, 3, 5, 9, 11, 12, 14; battle royal hold positions were 2, 4, 6, 7, 8, 10, 13, 15

 

SPECIALTY TITLES -- $25,000 + 10 free matches

American Champion

Connecticut Yankee (AWL)
R.D. Strickland of Massachusetts; 500

Asiatic Champion

EDGE: Iceman Jason McGrew (CSL)
Jason McGrew of Illinois; 499; edged ARMY/IMT: Craile (JDL)

Hardcore Champion

EDGE/H25: Owen Dankirk (MUL)
Andrew Konik of Michigan; 501

Metropolitan Champion

LATIN: Queen Isabella (BRL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 499; 30 free matches; edged Adam Maddox (NWL)

 

FEDERATION PLAY-OFFS -- $40,000 + 25 free matches

Iron Federation Champion

EDGE: Iceman Jason McGrew (CSL)
Jason McGrew of Illinois; 499; edged LATIN: 10% Dominican Matt Rivera (HLL)

Steel Federation Champion

EDGE/H25: Owen Dankirk (MUL)
Andrew Konik of Michigan; 501

Gold Federation Champion

LATIN: Queen Isabella (BRL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 499; edged Adam Maddox (NWL)

Diamond Federation Champion

EDGE/H25: Gritty Gordie Howe (RCL)
Sully "The Sledgehammer" Sullivan of Canada

Bronze Federation Champion

LATIN: Peruvian King Jorge (EHL)
Matt Yunick; 500

Jade Federation Champion

ARMY/IMT: Craile (JDL)
Donald Henry of Illinois; manager retained title; 499

 

NATIONAL, IWA-WIDE REGIONALS -- $20,000

National Champion

EDGE/H25: "Road Dog" Todd Packer (MUL)
Atlantic region
EDGE/H25: "Extraordinarily Ordinary" John Brown (MUL)
Sully "The Sledgehammer" Sullivan of Canada; 501; a plaque or 25 free matches; Western region

Central Champion

LATIN: Senorita Bianca D. (MUL)
Matt Yunick of New York; edged VIRUS/AI: Jason Kyle (LWL), Cole Adams (NWL)

Dixie Champion

IMT: Chuck Hamlin (IIL)
David Trousdale of Michigan; 501

Eastern Champion

IMT/ARMY: Wrought (OSL)
Jeff Chambers of Iowa; 500; edged IMT/LPPF: Master of the Misfit Puppets (MUL), Prince Tyr (AWL)

Mountain Champion

LATIN: Matt's Latin Girlfriend Carmen (XPL)
Matt Yunick; manager retained title; 501

Northern Champion

EDGE: Droid 15 (WDL)
Eugene Quintana of California; edged IMT/ARMY: Allen "MVP" Trammell (AOL), EDGE: Mike "Series Winner" Cook (MUL), IMT/ARMY: Repent (OSL)

Pacific Champion

IMT: Chuck Pierce (SWL)
David Trousdale; edged EDGE/CHOSEN: Mr. Blue (AEL)

Prairie Champion

EDGE/H25: Grammar Police Officer (KKL)
Sully Sullivan; 499; edged LATIN: Guatemalan Prisoner #2 (PKL)

Southern Champion

IMT/ARMY: Scourged Flesh (OSL)
Jeff Chambers; 501

 

LADIES' TITLES

Ladies' World Champion

IMT/ARMY: Soralla Round-Legs (LLL)
Jeff Chambers of Iowa; retained title; 499; $40,000 + a plaque or 15 free matches

Ladies' U.S. Champion

IMT/ARMY: Freya the Walker (LLL)
Jeff Chambers; manager retained title; 499; $20,000

Queen of the Ring

IMT/LPPF: Misfit Diva #1 (FFL)
Keith A. Maple of Ohio; 273 QotR total

Ladies' National Champion

LATIN: Model Carmen Electra (VVL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 500

Ladies' Tag-team Champions

Riot Grrrls "Survivor" Ellie Williams & "Cutter" Laura Kinney (RWL)
Lone Wolf's Penny Barber (Michael Long) of Seattle; retained titles

Ladies' U.S. Tag-team Champions

VIRUS: Latoya Jackson & Arianna Piranha (LLL)
Frank Jay Belcher III of Michigan

World Six-woman Champions

VIRUS: Patchy the Pirate, Pearl Krabs, Hairy Carrie (MDL)
Frank Jay Belcher III

U.S. Six-woman Champions

VIRUS: Mrs. Chemical Valley, Mrs. Puff, Mrs. Double Deedra (MDL)
Frank Jay Belcher III; manager retained titles

 

TAG-TEAM TITLES

World Tag-team Champions

Classic: The Flunky & The Stooge (OSL)
John Davis of Tennessee; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

EDGE: Smooth Criminals #07 & #08 (QPL)
Eugene Quintana of California

VIRUS: Phil Brooks & Austin Aries (HWL)
Michael Drake of New Jersey

Top Contenders

4. IMT/LPPF: Half Man & Half Amazing (NBL)

5. VIRUS: Sars & Botulism (XPL)

6. LATIN: Matt's Ladies' World Plaque & 7% Cuban Matt Vargas (CSL)
EDGE: Marvelous Melvin McGrew & Vinnie Testosteroni (KKL)

8. IMT: "WNYX" Lisa Miller & Jimmy James (IIL)

9. EDGE/JERKSS: Killa Scrub & Scrub Killa (GRL)

10. IMT/ARMY: Joe MacMillan & Vengeance (SWL)
ranked #11 last time; last of the teams with 516

U.S. Tag-team Champions

VIRUS: Queens Walker & B. (HWL)
Frank Jay Belcher III of Michigan; 516; $20,000; edged EDGE: Droids 11 & 13 (WDL), EDGE: One-Eyed Willie & Eye Empty (OSL), IMT/EXILE: Immortals Heracles & Posiden (NBL), EDGE: Henry & Louie Q (EHL)

 

SIX-MAN TITLES

World Six-man Champions

IMT/ARMY: Bajheera, Ickis, Krumm (QPL)
Jerry Anderson of Michigan (Bajheera) & Jeff Chambers of Iowa; Chambers held titles 4 cycles in a row, Anderson retained titles; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches

VIRUS: Plague, Malaria, Leprosy (XPL)
Frank Jay Belcher III of Michigan; manager held titles 4 cycles in a row

EDGE: Smooth Criminals #02, #04, #10 (IML)
Eugene Quintana of California

EDGE/H25: Big Rye, The Duke of Hurl, Smoking Pope Mike Cook (HSL)
Michael Cook of Kentucky

Top Contenders

5. VIRUS: Beast Boy, Robin, Cyborg (EEL)

6. EDGE/CHOSEN: Mr. Orange, Mr. Pink, Mr. Brown (AEL)

7. Sharpshooter Jake Scarlett, El Dragon de Oro, The Russian Rocket Alexei Smirnoff (BRL)
last of the teams with 521

8. IMT: TV Stars Jamie Lynn S., Jennette M., Ariana G. (XWL)

9. IMT: Enjoy Your Ignorance, Mister Fight from America, A Chicken Named Floppy (CSL)
ranked #9 last time
EDGE/H25: "Mr. Dependsable" Ike Eeves, "Your Inferior" Kenny Syrup, Tremazecellent Rocky Starfishblazer (MUL)
LATIN: General Santa Anna, The Mexican Spy, Mexican George Washington (KHL)

U.S. Six-man Champions

IMT/ARMY: Warpig, Repent, Remorse (OSL)
Jeff Chambers; manager retained titles; share of $20,000

EDGE: Smooth Criminals #06, #08, #13 (IML)
Eugene Quintana; 521; edged IMT/ARMY: Start, Melmo, Snorch (QPL), EDGE: Loose Cannon, Hammer, Brutal Mitchell (BRL)

 

TOP 10 LEAGUES

1. LWL (1,129 matches) 493.697

2. BRL (1,123 matches) 493.183

3. NWL (942 matches) 466.696

4. IWL (707 matches) 491.200

5. NBL (436 matches) 491.750

6. ASL (412 matches) 494.023

7. NSL (376 matches) 490.625

8. AWL (368 matches) 488.559

9. CWL (353 matches) 491.837

10. DXL (327 matches) 494.438
won the two matches for $1 cycle for having the highest average strategy total (counting only active wrestlers)

 

TOP 20 MONEY HOLDERS -- active wrestlers only

1. Kaptain Kryptonite (NBL) $37,747,400

2. IMT/LPPF: Medieval Tymes (XPL) $25,941,100

3. VIRUS: Mike Drake (HWL) $25,411,700

4. APO: Gypsy Rose Lee (ECL) $22,750,979

5. Arsenal (ABL) $20,316,600

6. IMT/BLOOD: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (BRL) $17,534,100

7. DFI: American Freedom Fighter E.J. (SHL) $16,434,238

8. IMT/LPPF: Misfit Messiah (BRL) $16,218,100

9. Johnny "2 Kold" Koolakowski (IGL) $14,852,100

10. VIRUS/TSD: The Survivor (ECL) $13,731,200

11. VIRUS: Cpl. Punishment (LBL) $13,414,500

12. SITH: Darth Thanatos (NSL) $13,006,200

13. SITH: Darth Carnage (NSL) $12,860,100

14. SITH: Darth Ravage (NSL) $12,765,500

15. NGAA: Hawkeye Science (HLL) $12,607,100

16. SITH: Darth Avatar (NSL) $12,591,600

17. SITH: Darth Bedlam (NSL) $12,372,600

18. IMT/LPPF: Master of the Misfit Puppets (SHL) $11,234,000

19. NGAA: Rydia Stormer (MDL) $11,033,200

20. IMT/BLOOD: Wonderful Wally Brown (GRL) $10,656,300

 

LIST OF LEAGUES

Iron Federation

Center Stage, Extreme Existence, Hardcore Wrestling, Heroes and Legends, Iron Man, Main Event, Quick Pin, Xtreme Poison

Steel Federation

American Wrestling, Classic Championship Wrestling, Intense Impact, King of Kings, Louisiana Swamp, Man Up, New Blood, Old School, Vicious Valkyries, World Domination

Gold Federation

All Star, Battle Royal, Blood Bath, Continental Wrestling, Global Wrestling, Independent Wrestling, Knight's Honor, Mexican Mayhem, Mystic Diva, National Wrestling, Ninja Dojo, Texas Death, Triple Threat

Diamond Federation

At Bat, Evil Clown, Femme Fatale, Fractured Jaw, Lethal Brawling, Lights Out, Night Falcon, Noble Savage, Non-stop Action, Rajun Cajun, Xtreme Wrestling

Bronze Federation

American Extreme, American Outlaw, Extreme Hardcore, Grim Reaper, Hardcore Superstars, Iron Glove, Living Nightmare, Revolution Wrestling, Strong Style Wrestling

Jade Federation

Atomic Age, Combat Zone, Deluxe Wrestling, Jade Dragon, Lone Wolf, Lovely Ladies, Psychotic Killer, Super Hero, True Grit, Wrestlers Elite

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