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JOHNNY B SAYS
Spring is here, so why not brush some cobwebs off your wrestler's record? During the upcoming May cycle, you can remove up to 20 losses by paying $25,000 per loss!
Neatly print the following on a piece of paper: "Drop 20 losses from my wrestler, ID #123" (choose from 1 to 20 losses, and use your wrestler's ID number instead of 123). Separate the request from your trash talk by skipping some space, and include the paper with your league matches. You may deduct losses from as many of your wrestlers as you wish, but each must have the necessary funds. Remember that removing the maximum of 20 losses will cost your wrestler $500,000 in imaginary money.
HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES -- engraved plaque
Bud White of California
BMF: White Wizzard (AOL) 1,141-115-29, $2,024,500 *10
White Wizzard conjures a microphone and addresses the capacity crowd: "I'm truly honored to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. It's been a pleasure wrestling in the IWA, and it has been great teaming with all my BMF stablemates. We wrestle in the American Outlaw League, the Triple Threat League, and the All Star League, and we take on all challengers. Finally, I would like to thank Johnny B himself!" And with a blinding flash, he's gone -- but not forgotten.
W.P. Mills of Wisconsin
DoW: Mister Chad Champion (IGL) 3,718-553-115, $8,329,400 *100
Having recently joined the elite "100 Stars Club," Mister Chad Champion has decided to retire and also join the Hall of Fame. Although he always projected complete confidence (some would say arrogance) in the ring, he may have harbored feelings of inferiority, since he legally changed his first name to "Mister" so that "whether people call me by my first or last name, they will show me the respect I deserve." His feelings of insecurity weren't helped by frequently being edged for individual and team IWA Report titles. But he did win a King of the Ring crown, and several state and specialty titles, most recently the Vermont state title last year. As he leaves the IWA, Champion is considering having his name legally changed to "Mister Chad King of the Ring Champion."
WORLD, U.S., KING OF THE RING
World Champion
EDGE: Lame Brain (NFL)
Eugene Quintana of California; moved up from Diamond title; 501; $300,000 + 100 free matches or a real wrestling belt & 50 free matches
U.S. Champion
EDGE/H25: Murder Blender (KKL)
Sully "The Sledgehammer" Sullivan of Canada; 500; $60,000 + a plaque or 25 free matches; edged IMT/LPPF: Slapped Fate (ABL), IMT: Diamond in the Rough (FJL), VIRUS: Mumps (WEL), EDGE/H25: Chunkz the Overweight Grizzly (RCL)
King of the Ring
EDGE: Iceman Jason McGrew (KKL)
Jason McGrew of Illinois; a plaque or 25 free matches; 273 KotR total; edged LATIN: Dominican Reporter #2 (QPL), ARMY/IMT: "Hardcore Icon" Jason Webb (CZL); hold positions were 2, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11, 13, 15; battle royal hold positions were 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 9, 12, 14
SPECIALTY TITLES -- $25,000 + 10 free matches
American Champion
EDGE/H25: Expensive Furniture (SWL)
Sully "The Sledgehammer" Sullivan of Canada; 500
Asiatic Champion
VIRUS: F.B.III from Proctology (DXL)
Frank Jay Belcher III of Michigan; 501
Hardcore Champion
EDGE: Pain (CZL)
Jeff Annable of Canada; 501
Metropolitan Champion
VIRUS: "Mr. Wonderful" R.A. Rude (LWL)
Randall Angel of Louisiana; 499; 15 free matches; edged IMT/BLOOD: Sinister Steve Stryker (BRL)
FEDERATION PLAY-OFFS -- $40,000 + 25 free matches
Iron Federation Champion
IMT/LPPF: Michael Mayhem (EEL)
Michael Eaves of Mississippi; 499; edged EDGE/CHOSEN: Torch Bearer (HLL), VIRUS: King Doom (XPL)
Steel Federation Champion
IMT: "The Great Canadian Hero" Zap Rowsdower (MUL)
David Trousdale of Michigan; 500; edged LATIN: Senorita Taylir S. (LSL)
Gold Federation Champion
MWC: "The Stunning One" Steven M. Shotliff (KHL)
Steven M. Shotliff of Minnesota; 500; edged IMT: Texas School Book Depository (NDL)
Diamond Federation Champion
EDGE: Lame Brain (NFL)
Eugene Quintana of California; retained title; manager held title 3 cycles in a row; 501
Bronze Federation Champion
EDGE/H25: Sull E. Sullivan (AOL)
Sully "The Sledgehammer" Sullivan of Canada; 500; edged LATIN: Peruvian Pirate #1 (EHL), IMT/LPPF: Jack of All Trades (GRL), EDGE/H25: Expensive Furniture (SWL)
Jade Federation Champion
EDGE: Pain (CZL)
Jeff Annable of Canada; 501; edged VIRUS: F.B.III from Proctology (DXL)
NATIONAL, IWA-WIDE REGIONALS -- $20,000
National Champion
VIRUS: "Boss of the South" Mr. Cornbread (LWL)
Mitchell Johnson of Michigan; 501; a plaque or 25 free matches; Atlantic region; edged FOW: Remorse (NAL)
Central Champion
EDGE/CHOSEN: Masked Invader 2 (MML)
Rich Reilly of New Jersey; 501
Dixie Champion
EDGE/H25: Sully Sullivan's Great Uncle (RCL)
Sully "The Sledgehammer" Sullivan of Canada; 501; edged EDGE: Big Money Chaos (AAL)
Eastern Champion
LPPF: Gerald "Your Daddy" Robinson (AAL)
Gerald Robinson of Tennessee; 500
Mountain Champion
IMT: Elrod the Wall Builder (NDL)
Kevin Elrod of Ohio; 500
Northern Champion
LATIN: Senorita Melody P. (XWL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 499; edged VIRUS: Gastroenteritis (WEL), ARMY/IMT: Kraven Kraus (IWL), EDGE/CHOSEN: Mr. Orange (AEL), EDGE: "Y2B" Chris Babylon (CZL)
Pacific Champion
IMT/LPPF: Masked Robinson #15 (TGL)
Gerald Robinson; 500
Prairie Champion
EDGE/H25: Gordita Superman (AOL)
Sully Sullivan; 501; edged VIRUS: Little Kuntry M.J. (JDL), IMT/LPPF: Master of None (GRL)
Southern Champion
IMT/ARMY: Hot Stuff Johnny Blaze (PKL)
Jerry Anderson of Michigan; 500
Western Champion
IMT/LPPF: Rock N Roll Express Ricky Morton (THL)
IMT/LPPF: Tommy "Wildfire" Rich (WEL)
Gerald Robinson; 500
LADIES' TITLES
Ladies' World Champion
VIRUS: Hillary Killary (MDL)
Frank Jay Belcher III of Michigan; moved up from National title; manager held title 3 cycles in a row; 501; $40,000 + a plaque or 15 free matches; edged VIRUS: Zsa Zsa Gavor (LLL)
Ladies' U.S. Champion
VIRUS: Juicy Lucy (LLL)
Frank Jay Belcher III; 501; $20,000
Queen of the Ring
VIRUS: Rosanne Bar (LLL)
Frank Jay Belcher III; 500; 270 QotR total; edged VIRUS: Princess Anna (MDL; 499)
Ladies' National Champion
LATIN: Singer Thalia (VVL)
Matt Yunick of New York; 501
Ladies' Tag-team Champions
IMT/LPPF: Misfit Divas #8 & #10 (FFL)
Keith A. Maple of Ohio & Michael Eaves of Mississippi; 516; edged LATIN: Models Lais Ribeiro & Adella Pasos (MDL)
Ladies' U.S. Tag-team Champions
IMT/LPPF: Misfit Divas #5 & #7 (FFL)
Michael Eaves & Keith A. Maple; 516
World Six-woman Champions
LATIN: Video Vixen Ashley Diaz, Singers Shakira, Selena Gomez (MDL)
Matt Yunick; 521
U.S. Six-woman Champions
The Dragon Entreri, Riot Grrrls "Survivor" Ellie Williams, "Cutter" Laura Kinney (RWL)
Lone Wolf's Penny Barber (Michael Long) of Seattle; edged previous champions H25/EDGE: Godzilla Gang Shi, San, Go FG (VVL)
TAG-TEAM TITLES
World Tag-team Champions
EDGE: Raid & Liquid Ant Bait (AOL)
Eugene Quintana of California; manager held titles 5 cycles in a row (new World Tag-team record); $50,000 + 15 free matches
Top Contenders
2. VIRUS: The Hustler M.J. & Krackhead Bob (AWL)
3. EDGE: Droids 05 & 16 (FLL)
IMT/EXILE: Immortals Ares & Osiris (NBL)
5. VIRUS: Walking Dead & Z-Nation (NFL)
Johnny "The Wrench" Morello & Vincent Torrio (NAL)
LATIN: Centenarian Maria Capovilla & Actor Mike Judge (MUL)
EDGE/H25: Diamond Icons #1 & #2 (FJL)
9. EDGE: And I Am Him & He is I (KHL)
EDGE: Joe Ice & "Fat" Williams (CWL)
11. EDGE: Droids 5 & 7 (TDL)
12. EDGE: Amanda Reckonwidth & "Ms. Malice" Alice Dallas (ECL)
IMT: Big Blank #4 & Roadkill (XWL)
last of the teams with 516
U.S. Tag-team Champions
EDGE: Insect Repellents & Bug Control (AOL)
Eugene Quintana; manager held titles 4 cycles in a row; 516; $20,000; edged LATIN: Video Vixen Mileena Hayes & Urban Model Sagia (XWL), VIRUS: Yeast Infection & The One M.J. (AWL), EDGE: Epic Ice Storm & Fallen Mind (ECL)
SIX-MAN TITLES
World Six-man Champions
IMT/ARMY: Arthas, Byzantine, Revenge (XWL)
Jeff Chambers of Iowa; manager retained titles; share of $50,000 + 15 free matches
IMT: Elrod Bob Jeffy, The Donald, Jerry Pants (NFL)
Kevin Elrod of Ohio
VIRUS: Jessica Havok, General Whoshenburger, Starvin' Marvin (HWL)
Michael Drake of New Jersey (Havok) & Frank Jay Belcher III of Michigan; Belcher retained titles
EDGE/H25: Taser Ramon, Bottle Popper, Luxurious Two-Night Stay (SWL)
Sully "The Sledgehammer" Sullivan of Canada
LATIN: Matt's Latin Girlfriend Yaris, P.R. Beauty Denise Quinones, Model Joan Smalls (LSL)
Matt Yunick of New York
Top Contenders
6. IMT/ARMY: Clockwork Carl, Mystery Wrestler #5, Omura? (MML)
7. IMT/BLOOD: Paul "The Butcher," "Mad Dog" Maurice Duchaine, Killer Karl Kowalski (CCL)
8. EDGE: Mom SNUGGLER, Log Fumbler, Frog Juggler (SHL)
9. VIRUS: El Diablo Blanco, Mobsters Nick Santilla, Rocky Tartaglia (MEL)
last of the teams with 521
10. EDGE/CHOSEN: Triple Threat Ryes 1, 2, 3 (MUL)
EDGE/H25: National Champ Mike Cook, EDGE: Hamlin Southgate, Hadrian Smallwood (HSL)
EDGE: "Purebred" Jermaine Shepherd, EDGE/CHOSEN: Disciple of Terror 7, EDGE/H25: Grandpa's Nutty War (AEL)
U.S. Six-man Champions
LATIN: Urban Model Yasmin Ortega, The Dictator's Wife, Senorita Elena H. (ECL)
Matt Yunick; manager held titles 3 cycles in a row; share of $20,000
VIRUS: Jimmy Havok, Queen Walker, Bird Flu (HWL)
Michael Drake (Havok) & Frank Jay Belcher III; 521; edged LATIN: Matt's Latin Girlfriends Penelope, Sophia, 11% Mexican Matt Martinez (KHL), EDGE: Dog Smuggler, Prague Shuffler, Smog Summoner (SHL), EDGE: Droids 016, 017, 018 (AAL)
TOP 10 LEAGUES
1. LWL (1,030 matches) 481.129
2. NWL (902 matches) 462.333
3. BRL (897 matches) 492.750
won the two matches for $1 cycle for having the highest average strategy total (counting only active wrestlers)
4. IWL (773 matches) 492.383
5. CWL (627 matches) 492.254
6. NBL (539 matches) 491.822
7. ASL (468 matches) 490.214
CCL (468 matches) 491.117
9. AWL (401 matches) 487.438
10. KHL (396 matches) 487.215
TOP 20 STARS -- active wrestlers only
1. IMT/BLOOD: Wonderful Wally Brown (GRL) 158
2. IMT/BLOOD: Sinister Steve Stryker (BRL) 137
3. IMT/BLOOD: Sir Gunther Kinderwacht (BRL) 130
4. IMT/BLOOD: Nightmare Sam Hell (BRL) 107
5. IMT/LPPF: Medieval Tymes (XPL) 106
6. IMT/LPPF: Misfit Messiah (BRL)
Johnny "2 Kold" Koolakowski (IGL) 104
8. IMT/BLOOD: Lord of Illusions (BRL) 103
9. IMT/BLOOD: Mark the Master Duchaine (GRL) 96
10. IMT/LPPF: Master of the Misfit Puppets (SHL) 95
11. IMT/BLOOD: Inferno (GRL) 92
12. IMT/BLOOD: Buda von Blitzen (NAL) 91
13. Executioner (LBL) 90
14. IMT/BLOOD: The Executioner (XPL) 88
15. IMT/BLOOD: Arson (GRL)
IMT/BLOOD: Bruiser Brett Brown (BRL)
IMT/BLOOD: Diabolical Jerry Savage (NAL)
VIRUS: Mike Drake (HWL)
VIRUS: Outlaw Tony Taylor (EHL) 86
20. IMT/BLOOD: The Mighty Deadhead (XPL) 85
LIST OF LEAGUES
Iron Federation
Center Stage, Extreme Existence, Hardcore Wrestling, Heroes and Legends, Iron Man, Main Event, Quick Pin, Xtreme Poison
Steel Federation
American Wrestling, Classic Championship Wrestling, Fighting Legends, Intense Impact, King of Kings, Louisiana Swamp, Man Up, New Blood, Old School, Vicious Valkyries
Gold Federation
All Star, Battle Royal, Blood Bath, Continental Wrestling, Global Wrestling, Independent Wrestling, Knight's Honor, Mexican Mayhem, Mystic Diva, National Wrestling, Ninja Dojo, Texas Death, Triple Threat
Diamond Federation
At Bat, Evil Clown, Femme Fatale, Fractured Jaw, Lethal Brawling, Lights Out, Night Falcon, Noble Savage, Non-stop Action, Rajun Cajun, Xtreme Wrestling
Bronze Federation
American Extreme, American Outlaw, Extreme Hardcore, Grim Reaper, Hardcore Superstars, Iron Glove, Living Nightmare, Revolution Wrestling, Strong Style Wrestling
Jade Federation
Atomic Age, Combat Zone, Deluxe Wrestling, Jade Dragon, Lone Wolf, Lovely Ladies, Psychotic Killer, Super Hero, Thor's Hammer, True Grit, Wrestlers Elite
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